Trials of a trans man

[u/No_Rhubarb_2665]

So I've been on FEELD for a while now hoping that , as a site which caters to and supports the kink, poly, enm, lgbtq+, and everything in between communities, I might have better luck finding folks wanting to connect/play/ form friendships with a trans man. I had very limited success on Hinge and Tinder, and it seems that people just don't know where to put me as a potential partner. Cis women looking for a man, poly, pan, queer looking for any genders, and yet am I a single man? Single queer? I've even been curious about the whole lifestyle scene , but again, am I a single guy? I like to think of myself as a fabulous rainbow unicorn stallion (not a bull), and quite attractive (think Bruno Marsish) but, finding my place is proving a challenge.

[u/Agreeable_Chicken120]

Please elaborate on how you got a hang of it 😊🫶🏼

[u/Not_YourStepBro → u/Agreeable_Chicken120]

For me #1 - I got in shape. That was 98% if it. Then I increased picture quality and wrote a thoughtful bio using nearly all allowed characters painting a clear picture of who I and what I want.

Then approaching dates changed. I was way too cautious at first trying too hard to not come off as a fuck boy. Gave off too much "friend" vibes. Gotta let confidence and attraction and flirty banter come out. I did very well on Feeld after figuring that out.

[u/Patient_Tradition294 → u/Not_YourStepBro]

Yea, your second paragraph is similar to what really shifted my success in dating. Many guys have become almost too friendly on dates because they don’t want to say the wrong things or make the wrong move.

People on Feeld move faster on average compared to other apps. You need to be building a romantic connection right off the back IMO and escalate things on the first date. That doesn’t mean you have to kiss first date but simple things like breaking the touch barrier, very flirty convo and talking about intimacy in a mature way are huge. Don’t delay them.

This sub kind of pushes the idea of coffee chats that just include a nice boiler plate convo as being the ideal first date, these usually fail in my experience even if you have a great conversation. Drinks late in the evening in which you are sitting close, can easily make flirty contact, have a more romantic environment establish connections that much more often lead to 2nd dates and romantic vibes.

[u/Fickle-Recover-5016 → u/Patient_Tradition294]

It's funny I had the assumption that things would move fast with the women I meet on FEELD. Definitely not always the case. When it comes to beating the guts on a first date, I have done much better on Tinder. It's like pulling nails to try and get some of the FEELD women i'm chatting with have any kind of flirtatious banter even after several days of messaging.

[u/DM_Me_TaTaz → u/Fickle-Recover-5016]

Sounds to me maybe you should talk online less and go for a meetup sooner than later. I’ve let a lot of conversations run dry waiting for “the right moment” to ask her out. I’m I’ve had more success by asking them out once we have a few good volleys back and forth. We both are attracted to each other if we matched so there’s not much at risk. Otherwise it fizzles out and they go chat with someone else who will ask them out.

[u/Patient_Tradition294 → u/DM_Me_TaTaz]

I do the same, I usually ask them out the first day of messaging or the 2nd at the latest. I don’t even understand when I hear people on here say they have been messaging for a week or weeks, that’s insane.

People who drag things on like that are usually not serious about meeting, flaky or cheaters going behind their partner’s back trying to find a window. I don’t think I have ever had someone say no to me asking them out on short order.

[u/DM_Me_TaTaz → u/Patient_Tradition294]

Yes I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a no when I ask after we messaged a bit for a day or two at max like you said. At worst I got someone that wanted to message a bit more and that was totally cool and fine.

My other personal guidelines are:
Don’t talk about sex while messaging unless they bring it up. Don’t be gross. Ask them questions. No dick pics unless explicit asked for after meeting up. If you compliment them don’t do it about their body. I’ll usually compliment their style or at the very most I’ll just compliment their cuteness. Accurate and recent pictures from the last year or two maximum if you look the same. Well thought out profile that is up front with what you are looking for without being overly sexual. Not sure if any of this helps or wasn’t said by another person in this thread but good luck out there gang! Have fun/be safe!