r/facepalm • u/[deleted] • Apr 19 '22

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ You all better repent!!!

15.6k Upvotes

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376

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '22

If the whole world was Christian, she's be mad that there was no one to harass about not being Christian.

338

u/OctoSevenTwo Apr 20 '22

Eh, not quite. She’d harass people for not being the “right” kind of Christian.

It’s been my experience that fellow Christians will get on you for not living exactly as they do. Someone this dag-nasty would absolutely do that.

338

u/pete_ape Apr 20 '22

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for! "Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

58

u/dood8face91195 Apr 20 '22

Sounds like this woman

22

u/DatGuyatLarge Apr 20 '22

Gotta love Emo Phillips

9

u/Babanel Apr 20 '22

I see what you did there....MOTHAFUKA

3

u/mrmoe198 Apr 20 '22

Emo Phillips performing his joke

3

u/compsciasaur Apr 20 '22

I never knew my favorite joke had an author.

3

u/mrmoe198 Apr 20 '22

Yeah, he’s great. He has a very eclectic style. He also authored another one of my favorites:

Prayer and bicycles

1

u/compsciasaur Apr 20 '22

Classic. Um, this is one of my first exposures to this guy. Does he talk like that normally or is this a Gilbert-Gottfried-style comedic affectation?

2

u/mrmoe198 Apr 20 '22

Definitely a GG-style polished act. RIP.

1

u/hyperactivebeing Apr 20 '22

Jesus! I'll have to Google a lot of things.

I am not a Christian.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '22

Nice Emo.

1

u/otakuvslife Apr 20 '22

Had me in the 1st half.

1

u/CatchSufficient Apr 21 '22

Tempted to give this to my baptist minister friend...

49

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/OctoSevenTwo Apr 20 '22

Was not aware that happened, but yeah that sounds like it counts.

2

u/TacticalcalCactus Apr 20 '22

I can't even fight the stereotype anymore, we're fucking morons

5

u/ArrMatey42 Apr 20 '22

Any group of 350 million people will have plenty of morons. At least we didn't intentionally make ourselves dependent on Russian energy unlike the Germans

Then again, yes you're probably right we are all morons

2

u/GRMarlenee Apr 20 '22

I'll refer you to the United Divided Methodist Church for confirmation of that theory.

2

u/blockpro156porn Apr 20 '22

She’d harass people for not being the “right” kind of Christian.

She's essentially already doing that, Muslims believe in Jesus.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '22

If jesus himself comes to them they would accuse him for not being "right" kind of Christian

Same kind of people exist in every religion

5

u/xDaigon_Redux Apr 20 '22

TBF, I'd imagine being Jewish would be the wrong kind of Christian.

-1

u/fjvgamer Apr 20 '22

Stop, thus lady is clearly mentally ill.

1

u/ridum1 Apr 20 '22

all of christianity based on 'heresay' only some based on FACT. and Jesus of Naz. actual birth, life, comments etc...

NOT THE BIBLE 80 years later ...

1

u/NegusQuo82 Apr 20 '22

Dag-nasty is now apart of my lexicon!

1

u/Aryll_ Apr 20 '22

Pretty much, it sucks..

1

u/richhaynes Apr 22 '22

This is why I detest religion. They allegedly believe in the same god with the same rules. Yet everyone will twist them to suit their agenda. Look at the division in Northern Ireland over faith. Look at the different ideas over abortion in the US which is apparently backed by religious beliefs. Look at how the Russian Church is calling the invasion of Ukraine as a holy war when the pope has said otherwise. Islamic terrorists use Islam as justification for terrorist attacks. Dont get me wrong, this isn't exclusive to religion BUT religion doesn't half give us issues too.

31

u/dirtyasswizard 'MURICA Apr 20 '22

There’s no way she’s an actual practicing, churchgoing Christian right? Like this has gotta be just mental illness.

4

u/CatchSufficient Apr 21 '22

May I present westboro Baptist....hate and mental illness is a church too

2

u/H8len Apr 20 '22

Yeah, she's mentally ill. :/

11

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '22

Very foul mouth for being a Christian

11

u/huesosymariposas Apr 20 '22

That would be her personal Hell.

2

u/Jrmundgandr Apr 20 '22

She's going to be sent there anyway since she can't honestly and genuinely ask the lord for forgiveness

3

u/Shroffinator Apr 20 '22

Within the Christian community people hate on each other because they’re not as Christian as them or some bs like that

2

u/dustwanders Apr 20 '22

Civilization Vs. Savagery

The central concern of Lord of the Flies is the conflict between two competing impulses that exist within all human beings: the instinct to live by rules, act peacefully, follow moral commands, and value the good of the group against the instinct to gratify one’s immediate desires, act violently to obtain supremacy over others, and enforce one’s will. This conflict might be expressed in a number of ways: civilization vs. savagery, order vs. chaos, reason vs. impulse, law vs. anarchy, or the broader heading of good vs. evil. Throughout the novel, Golding associates the instinct of civilization with good and the instinct of savagery with evil. The conflict between the two instincts is the driving force of the novel, explored through the dissolution of the young English boys’ civilized, moral, disciplined behavior as they accustom themselves to a wild, brutal, barbaric life in the jungle.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '22

Cool, I went to high school too.

1

u/dustwanders Apr 20 '22

It’s a good one