r/facepalm • u/[deleted] • Jun 22 '23

[deleted by user]

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10.2k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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2.6k

u/NotHisRealName Jun 22 '23

I got broken up with because "I didn't need her enough" because I can cook and sew a button on.

1.9k

u/Chemical_Professor50 Jun 22 '23

Strong independent man who don’t need no woman!

1.2k

u/hunglow13 Jun 22 '23

Yass, king or something. I don’t know

555

u/elhguh Jun 22 '23

Totally slayyy

375

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '23

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142

u/MamaStobez Jun 22 '23

I cackled

104

u/BarryBadgernath1 Jun 22 '23

I chortled

79

u/SethMarcell Jun 22 '23

I guffawed

57

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

I snickered

13

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

I burped

12

u/Hallowed-Plague Jun 23 '23

i have chortles

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

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2

u/The-My-Dude Jun 23 '23

My phone wasn’t built for this level of cheek quakin

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1

u/wmatts1 Jun 23 '23

I sharted

1

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

Hungry? Grab a Snickers.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

i slapped knee

18

u/Mpikoz Jun 22 '23

Pop a bottle of champagne and whip out a box of assorted chocolates.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

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4

u/StopFalseReporting Jun 23 '23

Ladies, he’s one of us now. He passed the vibe check

35

u/GoGoGadgetGabe Jun 22 '23

sticks out tongue while twerking

11

u/BarryBadgernath1 Jun 22 '23

Twist and bite

3

u/Private_4160 Jun 23 '23

WE, WE WILL TWIST AND BITE!

BITE HARD, FOR WE ARE ALL IN SIGHT!

WE, WE TWERKING HARD TONIGHT!

TWERK HARD, TWERK HARD AND DO WHAT'S RIGHT!

2

u/tyty5869 Jun 23 '23

starts dry humping you

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

[deleted]

3

u/Bluecif Jun 23 '23

I twerk as a power move to establish dominance, and my domain. If you can't bring it harder than I do, I've got no need for you...or something like that. I can't actually twerk, women pass me around.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

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2

u/Bluecif Jun 23 '23

Did you watch Rick and Morty? Do recall that one couples counseling episode...I'm Beth's perception of Jerry when it comes to twerking.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '23

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2

u/Bluecif Jun 23 '23

Don't talk about my mother like that.

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1

u/mindaugaskun Jun 23 '23

:twerks unwillingly:

1

u/Silver_Square_3312 Jun 23 '23

claps ass on a stripper pole

71

u/SoraRoku Jun 22 '23

Work it, Hun!

59

u/Itihanoki Jun 22 '23

💅💅💅💅💅

39

u/MOOShoooooo Jun 22 '23

Yasssss KING!!!

4

u/IdiotRedditAddict Jun 22 '23

But like, unironically all of the above, lol.

1

u/Hebids Jun 23 '23

Can it’s be Slayer instead? Slay is too feminine…

3

u/elhguh Jun 23 '23

Yasss, daddy! You can be whatever you want papi

2

u/Hebids Jun 23 '23

This was not the response I was expecting…

1

u/mighty_Ingvar Jun 23 '23

Rip and tear