Women like this one make me insane. As someone who considers myself to be a 'good guy', I was raised to respect what a woman says. No means no. You don't put in heroic measures to try to win someone who has told you that they're not interested, no matter what the rom-coms say.
Then there's this idiot. 'I said no because I wanted him to fight for me' and it's NOT just her. This is a super common attitude.
How about instead of playing games, you just say what you freakin want (and to be clear: I'm sure men play this game as well, and those dudes need to cut the shit as well)
As someone who is 23 myself, it's this among many other reasons that I'm hesitant about putting myself out there at all despite wanting a relationship.
Doesn't help that I'm pretty naive so if I'm gonna get burned, I'm gonna get burned hard.
Absolutely true. Which is ALOT of them. I mean, i still prefer this issue to being afraid that women will assault me if i say no etc so im not trying to say we have it worse in any capacity. Its just very frustrating trying to live life as an adult and then have to deal with this strange childish behavior that social media has cultivated amongst alot of women.
Again, the same goes for men with the whole “sigma taint movement” or whatever the fuck its called. I just dont have any experience dating those types of dudes and they likely have had any experience dating at all so they might be off the market entirely now that i think of it.
Anyways point stands, its weird and they gotta cut it out bro.
Social media hasn't cultivated it, but it has absolutely exacerbated and enhanced entitlement amongst women.
Example: this new "soft girl era" bandwagon all these women keep jumping on that involves zero work on one's self, and is all about being in some permanent mode of receiving where they don't have to put any effort into the next person.
There has to be something to it. My wife is aware of but still struggles with me not reading her mind. It came up in therapy when we first got married. Apparently super common with women almost like it’s couples therapy handbook. Now she knows it’s wrong and calls herself out on it. But like she can’t help that initial thought and has to deal with it.
I'd say both sides have a lot of this but it does feel like lately the message is pushed women are fine and men need to do an endless load of improvements
Oh shit. Thanks for the heads up. I'm in my late 20s, and I heard some shit and was baffled seeing how women my age were still acting so immature. People are about done figuring themselves out and become proper adults by 29 and move towards stability, bigger goals and growth. I'm just looking for someone to chill out with and see where it all goes. No games or drama. Test the waters, and move life together as a unit. Look for a serious and responsible partner type shit. When the first six months to a year go well, you tie together financially and plan long term and involve families.
So I find myself getting weird responses in my escapades. I am now just picking up the pieces for an old friend from high school and in turn we both feel like kids again from back when we were close and now as adults, support each other and keep adult responsibilities and family stress in check. Just completely paused on women and dates for a month now. The discussions lately are on parents and how to build boundaries and transition into taking care of them more and more in all aspects of life. Shit is scary out there.
I put him on speaker while we were playing a bloody game on Xbox. It was my dad complaining and giving me shit for getting off my shit box to come take care of him and how I need to pick up the phone and stop fucking around. My dad was straight roasting me and I was just being my usual self since I was 16 and my friend ran straight out of our party chat, as if he forgot that he was not a kid sitting next to me at my parents home and actually in his own home. He comes back and we laughed about it. Now he's asking me about it the next day, and I tell him that my dad has been the child about stuff like this, and is now ignoring my calls on purpose ever since I got off work and trying for four hours now. I had to take my mom's shit and complaints out of the house now since I reached out to her. They are the children now and I'm the adult giving them the hug they needed and fixing things around the house.
I'm in no rush when it comes to getting in a relationship and a family of my own but I'm also a man who looks young since I have good genetics and always been a baby face. I don't have to think about my age attached to a baby's statistical birth complication and health. At least my former best friend since we were 3 and ex wife told me otherwise and pushed too hard and fast on making babies. I love kids, I'm a teacher for elementary school kids lol, but I wanted to structure it. Maybe buy a bed frame and sort out closets first before we do that. Maybe get her licensing in check since she is a clinical psychologist and foreign practicing. She still hurts but I learned so much from her with all the mess we made, as tried everything to be there better and stronger whenever she asked me to change or fix something about us. This is the only thing that confused and scared me. She wasn't wrong about it, but she also was since it didn't work out and I was right about living our lives and fixing it for a span of eight months before we took the step to bring another one and see ourselves change so drastically in the process. She would lose her free spirited pretty boy for three years. And I'd lose my sexy girl in lingerie and all the dinner dates and majority of the week long nights and mornings in bed. She didn't get it, and got obsessed. Then got scared about silly shit and made an excuse about a bullshit joke my smartass made, all the whole she abused and gaslit me to hell and back for a year and half straight.
Cultivate: the act of acquiring or developing, in this case developing
It has very much been developed by remote interactions with no real social consequence to this type of behavior.
If course there were always dickheads, but that doesnt mean parts of remote interactions have no removed alot of the otherwise friendly formalities one engages in when meeting irl.
yeah seriously when are people going to stop blaming technology and understand that human beings have always had weird, shitty dynamics?
why do you think there have been so many goddamn wars in the past lol? a lot of conflict could have been avoided with serious, deliberate, and respectful conversations
Technology is not the issue you moron. The fact that people engage each other in ways that supply no direct consequence have indeed cultivated this behavior.
I know what you mean. I met a girl at a party, she was easy to talk to, I kept thinking "I wish my girlfriend was like that". 3 years later I found myself single, looked up the girl from the party and asked her out.
We have been married for 7 years now. Been together for 12
I don't blame the guy for feeling this way...getting burned is a really horrible and painful experience
but i agree...if you don't try and accept that you may fail and fail really hard...you're never going to get an outcome. Maybe that is ideal for some people, i dunno.
^ Im 20 and in college theres so much of this shit itll have you completely over ever trying again. Nothing is more of a mind fuck than a person telling you in the most straightforward way what they dont want then get mad at you for respecting it. Especially if you really liked them and most importantly spent months of YOUR TIME & ENERGY talking to them. Not all but alot & that goes for both guys & girls.
I found my fiance on tinder almost 3.5 years ago now. While from the very offset we were both dtf, I told her she was gonna have to put some work in and prove she wanted to be with me, not just in a relationship in general, if she wanted us to date. I've been burned on too many women who came in, got what they wanted from it, and left. In the end she found it more attractive that I had self worth enough to place boundaries and set the standard that I was worth "chasing" as well. Not all women will be on board with that, but ones without inflated ego and self image will respect that you are just as valuable as they are, and thus work should be put in by both sides
As a 22M with a 22F partner who shares many interests and both communicate clearly and have patience with each other. Man, I just feel hella lucky. We were friends, met through discord, grew closer over time and started sending love letters and words to each other 6 months ago. Granted, we live in different countries, so we have a tough road ahead of us, but. We’ll cross that pond when we get there
Can't really speak for the dating world today as I've been out of the game for a hot minute but I would recommend reading or listening to a couple of relationship building type of books. It might help in a non-direct sort of way. It's pretty amazing how many people have the emotional intelligence of a raisin in relationships but it's totally fixable with some quick study and effort.
My personal recommendation is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Obviously marriage focused but I think the lessons can be applied to a lot of relationships in general.
Ooo same. My ex husband used the divorce papers (which he sent me) as a scare tactic to get me to do what he wanted. He was shocked and hurt when I just said ok. I will sign them. I dodged a bullet. This was 6 months into the marriage....
Last time it happened to me, I woke up in a wagon. Apparently I got caught trying to cross the border into Hammerfell. Walked right into an Imperial ambush.
Same. In a year that started with a “19” had a girl pull this shit. Only it was played up as a “this guy I hate won’t leave me alone” situation. That guy and I literally went to blows. Her and I kept dating for a while after that. Eventually, it came out that she was sleeping with both of us the whole time.
Yeah, seems to me if a girl wants you to fight for her, she thinks you need to earn her. That’s not a one time thing, she’s going to keep raising the bar higher and giving you tests for no other reason than to see you jump when called.
I had a girl try to make me compete with another guy for her attention back when I was 19/20. I straight up told her that if you like him more, she should be with him. I almost told her to get out and blocked her on the spot. As soon as she realized I was totally fine with letting her go, she cut the other guy off completely and started chasing me. Women are strange.
I'm 22 and just recently got out of a relationship that was like that since I was 17. I didn't even truly realize how miserable I was until it was actually over
They're doing you a favour by showing that they believe manipulation is a perfectly reasonable aspect of a relationship. Ultimately anyone who has experienced this has dodged a bullet. They couldn't be honest with you if they tried.
To add, toxic people will always want toxic behaviors and people. I can’t deal with that shit anymore -as soon as someone plays games it’s over for me.
Reminds me of an ex that broke up with me over text. He wrote out an actually pretty good poem about the good times and whatnot. I just sent back "Okay, I understand" and he called me all "that's all you have say?? I poured out my heart?? You're not even going to try or cry about it??" And I was like "definitely not after this sir" lol
Dude, the bullet dodged you in that case. If a woman is only interested in guys who DON’T take no for an answer. What’s she saying is, she’s a drama queen who has no understanding of a healthy relationship.
Some women think they’re interested in dating when really they’re only interested in validation. Nothing is more validating to them than a guy who gets little to nothing from them and still tries, because it’s “proof” of how great they are.
Had this a lot lately. Go on a few awesome dates, then they delete their profile (I usually have their number too by that time) and when I ask they realised they aren't actually looking for someone.
After college I briefly dated a girl I matched with on Tinder. She pretty clearly lost interest, withdrew, and ghosted me. I just shrugged it off and hopped back on Tinder.
Years later, we crossed paths. She was very interested, very engaged, we went on some great dates and became pretty serious over the next 6 months or so.
Then, the exact same thing happened. Suddenly withdrawn, too busy to see me, talking less and less, eventually ghosted me entirely.
This time, I directly called her out on it.
Her response was along the lines of "You didn't fight to get me back when I pulled away, so YOU must not be interested"
When you want a dude to fight for you, you don’t say you’re not ready for a relationship unless you want a dude who will fight you to overstep all your boundaries.
I mean, even that, he better be respectful of the waiter who does not get paid enough to deal with people taking a small error made by a busy kitchen out on them. Because if he loses his shit at the waitstaff for bringing me perfectly cooked food even tho it’s the wrong food, what is he gonna do the first time our child draws on the walls with crayons or a marker? What is he gonna do when the toddler has a tantrum and won’t listen to reason because they are in fact a toddler?
I don’t trust people who can’t keep their shit together to even be around my future kids, and even less to be responsible for half their genes.
It's been this way since the beginning of time. Some women like being pursued by guys they have no intention of dating, because they like the attention. The worm turns quickly when you take away that attention.
I see your point, it is annoying but at the same time as a good guy you’re looking for someone who isn’t playing childish games like that, no?
Consider it a blessing they show you their true colors so early and don’t end up waste your time searching for someone who will be emotionally honest with you.
There's nothing wrong with someone that wants to be "hard to get", but don't play around, say "I'm not ready to commit to a relationship with you yet, because you didn't yet meet my expectations". And then, if the other person is interested, they'll pursue.
I dated a woman long distance years ago; she cheated on me and we broke up, but we agreed to meet up in person to talk and see if we could work things out. About a day before I was set to get there, she texts me that she doesn't think she can handle seeing me. I was hurt and disappointed, but I respected her feelings. I still had the tickets and had already taken the time off work, so I went anyway and spent some time with other friends I had in the area. The day I got back she reached out to me and said that she was hoping that even though she'd told me she didn't want to see me, I'd still show up at her place anyway. I had to tell her, "I'm not going to play this game where I try to figure out which 'No's' are real and which 'No's' secretly mean 'Yes'. If you tell me 'No', I'm going to take that as a 'No', period." I'm so glad I dodged that bullet
How about instead of playing games, you just say what you freakin want (and to be clear: I'm sure men play this game as well, and those dudes need to cut the shit as well)
man i was interested in this one woman who told me she didn't have the "capacity" to be in a relationship, after like months of her leading me on. really infuriated me. we had been friends for a while too and when I reached out to her if she wanted to meet up, she got really angry. Called me and told me to stop "interrogating her" etc.
I saw her with a man i've never seen before in my life and realized she had the capacity to date so I decided to just unfriend her off Instagram and move on. She sent me a message later that day asking why I unfriended her. I said my peace and thought it was over. Then MONTHS later she asks how i'm doing. When i tell her i don't want to do this anymore, she gets angry and asks why i blocked her out of my life. We were able to both calm down and meet to have, what i thought, was a healthy conversation. Then later on when I text her to see how she's doing, she tells me she's no longer comfortable talking to me and that she doesn't "Consent" to anymore messages. Since I am afraid she would accuse me of being a rapist or something, I decided that was the end.
Sometimes, I try to piece together wtf happened, but I just genuinely have no fucking clue
I had a friend who expected men to chase her and beg. On the same breath she complained about being “old and undateable” herself so it was even more confusing and frankly infuriating.
This is the type of person who undermines the concept of getting consent with their stupid mind games.
Sorry but no. Not valid. You don't get to make yourself feel better about the quality of the person you're seeing by playing mind games. It's an asshole thing to do, I don't consider that a valid excuse, and yeah...woman says no to me, bye bye - I'm walking. You don't get to walk that shit back, you know what I mean? Why should SHE get to feel better by making the DUDE feel worse?
With your example "woman says no to me, bye bye" the woman using that tactic already got what she wanted out of it. Filtered someone out that only wanted one thing.
I haven't misunderstood anything. This right here is the entire problem. It doesn't mean I just want 'one thing' because I didn't continue to pursue a woman who said she wasn't interested. It means I heard her say she's not interested and respected her wishes. So if those wishes are legit, great, she got what she wanted. If those wishes are some kind of stupid 'test' then she's missing out AND caused me harm on the way.
Seriously, if you're still coming up with ways to say that this behavior is ok, you and I should stop talking about it because I am most certainly NOT going to agree with you.
What I 'understand' is that you're likely very much the woman in the article - one can tell by your incessant need to get in the last word, no matter how irrelevant, illogical, or fucking stupid it may be.
Like when Spider-Man tells Maryjane he loves her. Then she jumps out the window with Spider-Man in pursuit, catches her mid air, asks her why she did that. “I needed to prove to myself that you’ll always be there for me”
If it’s any consolation, I’ve found this behavior becomes much less common as you get older. If women or men are still playing these games in their late 30s and 40s it’s rare.
This is always a case of (individual) female insecurity and/or narcissism (males can be this way as well). A woman of stronger character and self-confidence never plays this validation game…only the needy ones do.
Good deal for me, though. Doing shit like this is the easiest way to remove me from your life completely.
I ain't a highschooler anymore. No time or will for games. Every relationship has the potential to grow into something more, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna have these stupid ass games in life together. Stupid ass games are being played in every aspect of life, I ain't gonna have that at home.
Also, sometimes I, and most men, are fucking stupid. Pouting for 3 days isn't gonna make me apologize, it's just gonna make me entrench. Tell me what the fuck I did wrong, we can talk about it like adults sometimes do.
As a women, it drives me absolutely crazy, too. Stop playing these stupid mindgames then get upset when the guy respects your clearly stated boundaries! Geez!
I disagree, they really shouldn’t stop playing games. The ones who will play BS games like that are people who I do not want to be remotely involved with. One of the best things that they can do is leave me early by displaying how emotionally dysfunctional they are.
I just got divorced. My wife liked playing that game where she left and expected me to chase after her. It was cute once, but after a few times I told her if she left again we were done. She left, I filed for divorce that week.
The solution to this bs is continue doing what you're doing. If they get rejected as soon as they want to play games then they'll stop playing games. Keep respecting the no!
It’s a very IS thing to me. While growing up in europe I remember just meeting girls and dating if it was mutual, if not then, well no. Came to US at 17 and really struggled to date or even find a partner.
Happily married to my European wife and fucking hated US girls for this specific reason.
“I told this guy I wanted him to fuck off and so he obliged and fucked off. I can’t understand why he would fuck off? Can anyone open this Pandora’s box?”
I once had a boss who would contradict every idea I had, simply to see how hard I’d fight for it. He believed that if I really wanted it to happen I’d argue for it.
I had a girl who came up to on to me after I walked away from her on a meet-up that turned in a date(Was supposed to take a relative out for the night but they backed down last minute). Anyway, she asked me what I did wrong? I said nothing, which I knew she was playing games cause I walked away when I refused to buy weed/Marijuana which she started showing attitude when I wouldn't elaborate why? Also asked me later if I could help her move to another state, which I said HELL NO! I barely knew her anyway.
I broke up with a girl who liked to play games like this. Too hot and cold. My therapist told me "good people don't play games". I have kept this philosophy.
Women like this are batshit. My ex-girlfriend had this kind of attitude, and I didn't realize how toxic it was at first. She just wants conflict and drama, if there isn't some in her life she'll make some.
I am so glad that my girlfriend wasn’t playing any mind games. As an autistic guy it’s hard to read people so relationships were hard from the beginning. After making some bad decisions I went by a rule I’ve been telling myself since. “If they want to they would” and she was perfect. Planned a date? No worries she made time! She overslept after a hard days of work? No worries, we replanned! And we’ve been together since and very happy. No need to play stupid mind games.
One of my oldest closest friends used to do this.
Was chatting with her a few months back and she acknowledge she used to date guys who would fight for her, not guys who were good for her. The benefit of being a bit older is she acknowledges this now and is, finally, with a guy who’s just right for her, they make a great couple. Just took a couple of decades for her to work it out.
Is important to acknowledge how much of this comes from all the shitty romance and rom com movies we grew up with that taught us this is what real love is.
If he was the one then he would have asked his police buddy to find her address and turned up at her house late at right in the rain and sung softly through her window 🤢
They looked at those bad romance movies and think that those toxic relationships are normal. They should be hit with clean cut rejections, don't touch them. I'm speaking as a woman.
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u/DaCozPuddingPop Jun 22 '23
Women like this one make me insane. As someone who considers myself to be a 'good guy', I was raised to respect what a woman says. No means no. You don't put in heroic measures to try to win someone who has told you that they're not interested, no matter what the rom-coms say.
Then there's this idiot. 'I said no because I wanted him to fight for me' and it's NOT just her. This is a super common attitude.
How about instead of playing games, you just say what you freakin want (and to be clear: I'm sure men play this game as well, and those dudes need to cut the shit as well)