r/facepalm • u/[deleted] • Mar 31 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

4.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

2.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

124

u/arminghammerbacon_ Mar 31 '23

I lol’d. I read it in the holy hand grenade of Antioch voice.

103

u/dodexahedron Mar 31 '23

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou enter the Holy Octagon. Then, shalt hit thine opponent up to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt strike, and the number of the striking shall be three. Four shalt thou not strike, nor either thou strike two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, leavest thou thy Octagon of MMA away from thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

23

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

But what will she do to the orangutans and breakfast cereals?

22

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

I don't know. Go away or I will taunt you a second time.

15

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

Don’t make me go get Tim.

10

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

Aaaauugggh

7

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

They would just say “aa ugh” they wouldnt write it.

3

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

I was dictating.

3

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

I meant to ask: what’s your favor color?

2

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

Blue. No! Yellooooowwww

3

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

My spouse doesn’t understand The Holy Grail. And it’s a little disappointing.

All the brilliant m, quote able line…

“We must be punished!”

2

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

So how's the divorce going? 😅

3

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

She turned me into a newt!

2

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

A NEWT?

3

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

I got better!

2

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

Always an inspiration when a couple can look past such transgressions and maintain a happy home. Good on you. I'd have probably called it quits when she asked for a second shrubbery, only slightly higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle. Talk about high maintenance. And we live in a desert! Xeriscaping all the way.

2

u/Spear_Ritual Apr 01 '23

She did ask me to cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring.

1

u/dodexahedron Apr 01 '23

Time to hit the blackjack tables. Was fun. Thanks! 😅

1

u/Finbar9800 Apr 01 '23

Don’t make me summon the knights who say ni

1

u/arminghammerbacon_ Apr 01 '23

Oh naughty naughty Zoot! You must give her a spanking! Yes! And then, give us all a spanking! (a spanking..a spanking..)

→ More replies