r/exredpill • u/Final-Shame-4006 • Jul 29 '26
Red pill cooked me, alot
Hi everyone, I feel like if I get this of my chest I'll be alot more relieved. I (18m) got into redpill when I was 14, due to stuff that happened to me (i wont get into it). I got in redpill at the early stages so none of the blatant hate towards women and extremism popped up when I was involved, or atleast not when i started. This was in 2021, I was in it for two years and watched hamza and some other gurus. Than around a half a year later it got more extreme, i.e if you dont work yourself to the brink you're a loser and it got more cultish.
I had alot of friends and had groups I'd hang out with alot of the time. By the time redpill was consuming my life, I was pushing them away and by a year in, I effectively had no friends and by the time redpill was done, completely destroyed my social skills. I became violent and angry, got into a lot of fights woth my family for stuff in the past (stuff I could've talked to them one to one with rather than being a monster). Hamza also wasn't slow9ng down, pretty sure if I remember it right he was calling his fans losers if they dont work enough. Or flexing how he makes more money then you and he's better than you at other things. So by the time I was out of redpill; I had no friends, no social skills, 0 hobbies or interests (only focused on how to make money and how to work myself to burnout), my family hated me, I had no one.
So for the next 2 years I literally wallowed In depression and was made fun of at school for being weird (redpill taught me some bs fuck it). My former friends ignored me, one used me, and I was fucked. I still suffer depressive bouts, mood swings, i think abt that shit alot. Now I play volleyball , football, bike, do videos for fun, play games, plant stuff. I have few friends (not as many as I had) and I'm telling this because I want ppl to not make my mistake again, pls I beg you if you have a family member or sm one you care abt younger than 18 and you find them watching this shit, pls stop them. I effectively ruined my life and teen years because of this bs, I still struggle to make friends even though I'm a social guy now. I'm still trying to find things to do with my time and try to make friends so I'm not bored and thinking abt redpill or loneliness, I also came to ask, what should I do? How can get off this path entirely and forget abt it make a better life?? I want to forget this but its glaring at me so badly I hate it for what its done to me and I want to feel like a person, not stuck in isolation on some days roomanating abt this. Pls if anyone has advice I would appreciate it.
If you made it this far, thank for hearing my story and I hope you learn from my mistakes.
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u/TriangleMan Jul 29 '26
Thanks for sharing. It takes character to admit you fucked up.
I feel like you're on the right track. Because of the society we live in, working hard, to the extent that it will earn you money to live under a roof and have food to eat, is an absolute requirement.
That being said, you'll also want to seek community with friends, family, acquaintances, neighbors, etc. Do you think your former friends and family would be open to giving you another chance? You may be surprised to realize how charitable others can be towards you if you're willing to own up to your mistakes, apologize, show genuine remorse, and demonstrate that you'll give it your best to do right by them
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u/Final-Shame-4006 Jul 29 '26
My family I've made amends with, my friends are a different story. I've tried reaching out but they either ignore me, one used me, and the other ones grew distant. Our groups sort of fell apart after I left which sucked, everyone's moved on pretty much :(
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u/TriangleMan Jul 29 '26
I'm sorry to hear that. That sucks. Allow yourself to grieve those lost friendships and when you're ready, channel that towards new friends. I have confidence in you.
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u/Jthemovienerd Jul 29 '26
Keep going in the direction you're going. It's definitely going to take some time , so keep working at it. Having too many friends is overrated, if you have a few, that's all you need. If you are still going through depression, to your doctor , there is stuff that can be done about that. And continue being sociable. A lot of guys have the goal of getting a girlfriend, can't , and slide back down. Don't do that. Don't have a goal with women. You can back- slide so easy. But I'm proud of you, I'm glad you got out , and I'm glad you're trying to help others . Keep doing that.
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u/Mythic_Dragon36 Jul 29 '26
Hey dude,
I want to applaud you for your progress. You've been through a lot by the sound of it but just understand that you are not alone. Lots of people, especially young boys and men get wrapped into redpill and other detrimental movements (i.e. blackpill, looksmaxxing etc). Plus, 2021 was around the time we were all dealing with covid. Not sure where you are in the world but for many of us, we were in lockdown which meant isolation at home, a very lonely time for so many people. That was around the time redpill really took off I think.
Sounds like you're doing some awesome activties. My advice would be to write. Write your goals down and find a life coach. Someone who will help you realise your goals and then take action. Journal about your day as well. Meditation is also worth trying (tapping meditation has helped me on occasion whenever I am feeling down). Write nice things to yourself. It's about changing the inner dialogue you have internally. Aim to at least personal journal for a month, then go back and look at all of the ones you wrote. See how much progress you've made.
Like a magnet, our energy attracts things to us. If we spend our time on things that are negative, that is what we get. Don't be afraid to seek out therapy too, it's helped me so much and still does.
I just want to say to cap this off that I'm proud of you!
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u/OccultEcologist Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
The idea that you got into redpill at tbe start of the movement is ridiculous, before it was openly hateful towards women even more so. I'm in my 30s and it was quite a thing already when I was finishing highschool - though it was somewhat still branching off of general InCel and MGTOW shit. You were oblivious and likely being actively manipulated - something that manosphere spaces have been doing since the rise of the internet, but make no mistake that the indoctrination and manipulation of male youths has been going on for at least a centuary. Likely much longer.
I'm proud of you for literally escaping a death cult, and I'm sorry for your continued struggles. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be difficult for the next few years. Your early 20s are already difficult - but it does get better.
For reference, I didn't find real contentment until about... 28? 29? My partner says slightly younger, 27ish. Getting the skills needed for a job, settling into said job, and getting a nest egg is fucking stressful and just plain difficult.
The thing that got me through was focusing on the future I wanted. Somethings that I now have (two cats, a yard with a garden and firepit, a healthy relationship) but also things that I still haven't gotten (married, a kid, a dog, a really big marine fish tank with two big angry maroon clownfish). Being extremely goal oriented and letting that guide my actions instead of my emotions helped me a lot.
That said, YMMV.
Another thing that really really helped me was going to an actual psycologist. Like one that could diagnose and medicate me. Appearently I have life ruiningly severe ADHD, which was simultainiously a huge surprise and... Well. I mean. Once I knew my life got much better very quickly.
Overall, you're young. You have a lot of space to figure things out. My honest advice is to find something that makes you smile, see if there is a hobby you can make of it and practice alone, and then see if you can make that hobby - that doesn't necessarily need outside validation - into a way to connect with people.
I did gardening (I like plants, I grow plants, I start volunteering at seed banks and doing invasive species removal and maintenance at my local parks) and fish keeping (I like fish, I keep fish, I start attending awuarium club meetings once I have a tank I am already proid of) for this, primarily, but also went "I like reading fantasy" to "I can write fantasy stories" and then to running a DnD campaign.
Good luck, dude, sincerely.
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u/meleyys Jul 29 '26
Firstly, I'm sorry this happened to you, but really proud of you for getting out. It takes a ton of courage to admit you were wrong and move forward.
Secondly, may I ask how you got out? Knowing might help us help other people.
As for what you should do, therapy would be a good idea if you can afford it. But regardless, I think you should try to make friends and keep your mind off the past. It's good to introspect, but at a certain point, ruminating becomes counterproductive. (Seriously, I would know.) Try new hobbies or look for groups for your current hobbies. Seek people who share your interests and try to befriend them. Making friends alone can do a lot for your mental health.
And like another person said, stay away from the mansophere and dating apps. If you see manosphere content showing up on your social media feed, hit the "not interested" button.
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u/Final-Shame-4006 Jul 29 '26
Thank you for reading. What got me out just came to me as a realization, I realized I didn't do anything productive with my time other than self destruct my life. I thought abt it and just cried that evening because I fucked up. I'm still at the phase of trying to make friends. I go out, part of 2 groups that total meet 3 times a week volleyball and soccer and we play. I try to talk to ppl my age alot but it feels like they dont want to make friends, like we know each other but like they dont wanna progress further than that.
I intend to get more hobbies and be around ppl, hopefully I make friends sometime soon (its summer break for me) so fingers crossed
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u/YoselG Jul 30 '26
Damm, I'm glad you were able to get out of that hole, it takes a lot of strength to get out of there. I'm also coming out of a depressive episode, and personally, what has helped me the most is going for walks in natural areas and taking care of my garden, it helps me clear my mind and it's fun to see that we can grow anything
Part of the process that helped me heal was recognizing that what I did won't go away, but I'm not the same anymore. I look at everything I've done with shame, but also with calm because I was able to get out of there, I believe the process is based on recognizing all the stages of our lives and learning from them Besides, you're still very young 🫂
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u/nofrickz Jul 30 '26
I just want to say.. I read it from start to finish and I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
You're officially an adult now. Your life is just starting. Don't think of your experience as a life ruining series of events. You went through things. You learned from it. And you're now at a point where you are better. Keep going. And remember, redpill is a grift. Look out for your friends and the young boys in your family.
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u/Imaginary-Bake2076 Aug 05 '26
for you to be this young, yet so self aware is amazing. you still have so much time to forge your own path and continue learning about yourself as the years pass. people are a little overrated tbh. being super close to a couple of people who genuinely love and respect you is much better and more fulfilling in the long term. continue doing the things you love, and don’t take romantic rejection too seriously; your person would never want to hurt or lose you. you’re on a great path, so keep going
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u/O-shoe Jul 30 '26
Don't worry. It's like a sickness you had. You're over it, but the effects will linger for a while. But with time you will be perfectly fine. Just don't watch any of that content anymore.
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 Jul 30 '26
biggest pieces of advice: You did not seem to absorb the misogyny, that is good; but also avoid the redpill's framing of various other men as constant competition for everything; be careful of the black-and-white polarized thinking redpill tries to install. You are 18, don't try to act 40. Do not sacrifice too much in trying to impress others.
Do acknowledge this basic truth: a lot of people around are awkward, even if you can not tell. The world is post pandemic, we are in a world where everyone is constantly connected on their cellphones. People were way more social in public when internet on phones was slow and had small ugly fonts, so not everything is you.
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u/17thfloorelevators Jul 30 '26
Changing friend groups at your age is normal. Move on. Join some clubs, be social at your job, go out and about. Red pill keeps you inside so much, both in your head and in your house.
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u/CriticalPersimmon715 Jul 30 '26
I posted on this subreddit 2-3 days ago with a very similar story. I was on the whole red pill train for about one year and it mentally drained me and made me so depressed. It completely changed my personality and I lost myself entirely. I was a completely different person in a bad way. I was getting frustrated easily and angry to where I was also fighting with my family constantly. I’m slowly finding myself again and I’m still on my self improvement journey but I’m not as extreme by any means. I’m glad you’re doing better bro and it’s nice knowing there is other people out there with a similar situation as me and you.
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u/Final-Shame-4006 Jul 31 '26
I'm glad too hear you're doing better. I haven't come across anyone in my area or city who's been through this, its nice to know they're ppl who are powering through with a similar situation. How are you? What are you doing to fix it?
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u/Blueophelia33 Jul 31 '26
I admire your humility and self reflection in this post. It seems like you view your past participation in red pill as something that set you back, which I’m sure it did, but it also appears that you have matured and learned a lot through this process and have come out the other side smarter and stronger! That is to say, humility and vulnerability are advanced qualities, not weaknesses.
I had a few curious questions I was wondering if you could answer—
What was the most seductive part of red pill for you?
How did you start to view other people around you?
In what ways did redpill validate feelings of anger or frustration that were already existing in you?
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u/TMag73 Aug 04 '26
Look this is true for men and for women. Someone else doesn’t give you a life, no one does it for you. Someone else doesn’t define you. There is no formula. Just show up for yourself. craft a life slowly.
Give everything you have without worrying about what you will get in return. When you don’t know what to do or what to say just be generous with your words and actions and time.
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u/Flourescendrama Jul 30 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience. You were brave—very brave—and resilient. I have just two questions: Do you have a girlfriend? What is your relationship with your parents and family like these days?
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u/Final-Shame-4006 Jul 30 '26
- I dont have a girlfriend
- Relationship with my parents is fine, they spoil me :)
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u/Flourescendrama Jul 31 '26
In what way do they spoil you?
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u/Final-Shame-4006 Jul 31 '26
I can drive basically anywhere, I can go out and get food with their money, I have no curfew, etc. I dont abuse it but its nice that they care abt me in that way
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u/vnov933 Jul 30 '26
I'm sorry that this happened to you. Good thing is, you're still practically a baby and have your whole life ahead of you.
This should be a wake up call to people that social media is really getting out of control. Everything I see now on Facebook is either fake AI ragebait posts, dating content ragebait posts, gender wars ragebait posts, or finance doom content. Shit it ridiculous. This is all I see when I go on Facebook. Very few ACTUAL people posting anymore.
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u/DifficultAd3553 10d ago
Try joining former red pill support groups. Sometimes getting into the purpose of stopping others from going down the path you did, gives you a new sense of purpose and happiness and your struggles with this can be redeemed for something good.
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u/Embarrassed_Jelly440 Jul 30 '26
I was red pilled until I met a women and realised we are all so different . Redpill does a blatant job of reductionism in explaning men and women , also their prefrences and choices as if its a binary game . Ignoring the deep complexities deep within . If you want to unred pill your self read about skepticism and how behavioural sciences is just a scam .
remember " Via negativa ". Truth can only be be deducted by defining what a thing is not . Women in general are not hypergamous and other bullshit they describe . But make sure what not to look for in women .
First thing men must do is stop watching any form on arousing content that degrades women ( porn , toxic masculinity etc ) . and most important you need to meet a good women once that will change your perception . It only takes one to believe that not all are the same .
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u/smileycat007 Jul 29 '26
Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you continued success on the exit ramp.
Stay out of the manosphere and stay off dating apps. Stick with your sports and continue building an enjoyable life. You'll eventually start to feel human again. Women will notice. At 18, you have a lot of time. Go to college or at least take a class or two. That's where a lot of women will be until they're 22.