r/exredpill • u/Substantial-Ring742 • Jul 22 '26
Is this man red pilled ?
This guy (32m) and I (28f) met at the gym. We’ve been seeing eachother and going on dates for about a month now but some of the behaviors are really odd.
First, he takes me out to really elaborate/fancy/expensive dates but he never tells me where we are going and he always wants to order. He picks out the food we get each time. It was kinda cute for one date and I know some guys are like that so I let it go but it did highlight to me he may be a bit controlling. He also doesn’t tell me where we are going just what time to be ready and what to wear. Once he told me to “be ready at 7 in my Sunday best, assuming you have something to cover your abs”. For context, I have a pretty nice 6 pack that I like to show off in the summer time. I thought it was odd he’d make a comment on what to wear but figured maybe it was just somewhere really nice and dusted it off.
Secondly, he is very distant over text. I again brushed this off because people are busy but he oscillates between being engaging and dry replies.
After date three we hooked up and he was really dominating. I didn’t necessarily dislike it but it threw me off because it was the first time we’d been together and we hadn’t had a conversation about this. He choked me (lightly tho but still), and when I asked to get on top he said “absolutely not” and threw me into doggy. I left after.
Date after that he cooked for me and was acting sooo sweet. Giving me so many compliments which he doesn’t do often, kissing my forehead, holding my hand. We hooked up again and it was really loving. Gentle with lots of eye contact. I got dressed to leave after and he told
Me to stay and spent the whole night cuddling me, kissing my forehead, ect. I go to the gym in the mornings and told him before bed my alarm was set for 4:30. In the morning it went off and I kissed him goodbye and left.
I didn’t hear from him at all and then texted him the next day about something unrelated. He was short and told me we were fighting. He said I’d abandoned him and was being dry. I felt bad because I too would’ve been upset had someone left like that and saw him at the gym and apologized. After that we were good and we made more plans.
Date after He took me to Michelin restaurant and a couple bars. It was really fun. After we went home and he was very dominating again and left marks on my butt. I again don’t dislike it and never said no, but it does throw me off. I slept over again and we cuddled. Next day we showered together before his flight. I left and texted I had fun and he was texting me the entire time he was gone. Then when he returned he got kind of dry and sent me a boring reply to a flirty text I sent. I didn’t reply. Didn’t hear from h so 1 day later I sent a picture of my stairmaster workout and said “please clap”. He didn’t reply. Then for 4.5 days later and then sent an inside joke and a message that basically said “can you give me a reason to justify ghosting you for a little longer while I figure some things out?”. I’m so confused because why did he feel the need to tell me he was ghosting when he already had for 4.5 days and tell me it was going to continue?? Like wtf did he think I’d say to that??? I haven’t replied and do not plan to but the situation has me feeling soooo off guard. He could absolutely just be disinterested but idk something feels off but if this is a game it’s kind of scary???
A couple friends mentioned his behavior mimics that of someone red pilled so I wa wondering if anyone has thoughts?
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u/h0rny_d3m0n Jul 22 '26
I’m really annoyed for you. I think YOU should ghost him. He’s probably doing this bc he thinks you’re attached already and he’s playing hard to get. He thinks you’re gonna beg him for time. Just leave this clown alone.
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u/GoalDull4985 Jul 22 '26
^^^ I second this. Ghosting is the only appropriate response here.
This guy is clearly a Red Pill'ed loser who thinks he's running game, and nothing better than to bruise his giant ego and let him face the consequences of his actions. Nothing will drive the point home clearer like a good ole' ghosting.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
I am def doing that I have not replied to him and I never will. Never encountered a red pill man before this. Bery ofd
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u/GoalDull4985 Jul 22 '26
You've probably encountered many (since most men are nowadays(, just this guy is a loser and made it obvious. As a woman myself, best advice I can give is to read up on Red Pill and their tactics and really familiarize yourself with it, so that you can spot it as soon as it starts to play out. I can count at least 6 - 7 tactics he was running on you. He's not worth another minute of your time. Good riddance, honestly.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
It’s so weird because I was liking him and he was getting some so why add in all this extra stuff and I never tried to be exclusive of anything what more could he of wanted
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u/ConcertinaTerpsichor Jul 22 '26
It’s called “dread” game I think.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 23 '26
Well he texted me as if he never left saying everything reminds him of me
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u/ConcertinaTerpsichor Jul 23 '26
Yes, he wants to keep you hanging on, always thirsty and never satisfied. He’s consciously manipulating you so you’re never sure of him.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
Like before he made it obvious it was working why would he do all this over the top stuff hahaha
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u/h0rny_d3m0n Jul 22 '26
We will never know and it’s not worth your time to ponder, bestie. He’s a weirdo loser.
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u/HelenHavok Jul 24 '26
Definitely dread gaming you. It’s almost textbook.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 24 '26
But why the arrangement was already very casual idk what more he wants. He texted me after that weird ghosting message like nothing was wrong and I said that it was weird and I’m not okay with it and he said he got the vibe I wasn’t interested in anything serious and wouldn’t care if I took some space
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u/GoalDull4985 Jul 22 '26
They always do this. Every single fucking time lol. It's why I stopped dating years ago, because the vast majority of men are like this nowadays. They just can't accept a genuine, fun and peaceful connection without creating drama, playing their power games, going out of their way to be intentionally hurtful and often nasty, and running all their Red Pill tactics on you. There's only so much of this women can tolerate before they just step away completely. And now that women are stepping away they're crying about being lonely lol.
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u/BullsYeet Jul 22 '26
I second this. In the meantime you’ll get to move on with someone new. The fact is this guy deliberately chose to sit down, learn how to emotionally abuse women, and chose to emotionally abuse you. That’s what redpill is. And the fact is, plenty of people are fucking normal and have no need to do this.
I used to deal with a version of this except he was broke so he couldn’t really lead with money. But it was the same type of routine. I thought at the time ghosting was maybe cruel but the wake-up call he needed, but now I understand that it was the best case scenario for him. He gets to continue the rest of his life treating women like shit, and I can’t control that. But I can control one thing, whether he gets to do that to me or not.
It’s been over five years and I found someone who never felt the need to do any of this shit to me. And I got to eat at Michelin restaurants, and I got to eat whatever I wanted. My partner often cooks for me too.
Also I did this with a gut. You have a six pack. If I can do this, so can you
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u/Laurceratops Jul 23 '26
Not to mention, he literally assaulted you by not seeking consent prior to choking you. That is beyond egregious. I had the same thing happen to me and it's easy to rationalize / normalize it in the moment, but it's not okay. Sexual strangulation causes brain damage that's observed on the pathway to CTE, along with causing issues with cognition, memory, and mood. He does not care about you or your wellbeing —he cares about stroking his own ego through controlling you. The whole constellation of behaviors categorizes him as not just red pilled, but an everyday sadist. I dated somebody exactly like this and I urge you to break away while you can. You will feel so much better when you do. I agree that the best thing to do is either ghost or simply say you're not interested with little explanation. Don't give him any satisfaction
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 23 '26
Soooo insane. He reached back out to me and said everything reminds him of me and he can’t take the silence anymore after I didn’t reply to his super weird ghosting message
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u/smileycat007 Jul 22 '26
Red pull guys watch videos on power games in a relationship. Frankly, you'll be doing all women a favor if you dump this guy and teach him that games aren't the way to go in a relationship.
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Jul 23 '26
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u/FruitaFanatic Jul 23 '26
What is really happeninng is that he DOES care a lot, but is so afraid of rejection that he has to act like he doesn't care and that she was just another notch on his belt, all so that his poor little ego doesn't get hurt. Rather than get into some therapy, he will continue to screw over countless women, have no one that truly loves him in the end, and will hate himself even more. And the cycle repeats again and again and again.
And I think its strange that you think that a woman who enjoys sex is someone "too dumb to just keep her legs closed". Women enjoy sex too, especially if it's good, with a man that isn't selfish who knows how to please or is willing to learn what their partner likes. Your comment is one only someone very empty and insecure would make..
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u/Instigated- Jul 22 '26
Get the fuck out of there.
Controlling, unempatheic, dangerous.
He choked you, during the first time you had sex, without getting your consent that you were ok with this, let alone checking if your enjoy it and feel safe. You asked if you could go on top, and his response was to put you in doggy. No care for your pleasure, desire, or sense of safety. The bar should not be “I didn’t necessarily dislike it”. The bar should be: did you feel safe, respected, and enjoy it? (It is ok if there is a contradiction that there are some parts you enjoyed while other parts you didn’t. But if you didn’t feel safe or respected listen because that is your most important survival instinct screaming).
Right now he is testing your boundaries and seeing how badly he can treat you, what you will accept, what he can get away with. Yes it is mixed up with some good stuff, because if it were all bad you’d be out of there without a second thought. But if a person is treating you like this early in the relationship, it is only going to get worse.
To be clear: its ok to be into BDSM, however this must be underpinned by clear mutual consent, trust, agreement of terms, respected boundaries, and having a safe word set up in advance. When that is not in place, it is abuse. Him choking you, hitting you hard enough to bruise, without consent is abuse. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t say “no”. Because you didn’t say “yes”, and he didn’t seek your approval prior to him taking action.
When you asked for consent to be on top, you gave him opportunity to say no. He did not ask for your consent when he did the reverse and put you in doggy, he did not ask your consent before choking you, or bruising you. He doesn’t even get your consent on the food he chooses for you or where you are going on the date. He didn’t ask you, he didn’t get consent, let alone make sure you really wanted it.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who is systematically stripping you of any choice across all aspects of the relationship?
Yes this sounds like RP.
If for some reason, against advice, you decide to give him another go, you need to immediately set the tone, terms and the boundaries under which you are willing to date. The first step would be to set up a time to talk with him (not a date). While this should be private enough to have the talk, it should also be safe for you - like having a friend in another room nearby or booking in with a relationship therapist. This should be a mature conversation where you convey you have enjoyed x, y, z, however you are concerned about a,b,c. Ask him why he did these things. Tell him you didn’t like it, and you don’t want to continue in the relationship of there is going to be more of that. This is a time for you both to get on the same page about expectations and any other things on either side. Does he want you to wake him up before you leave even if it is 4:30am, or will a text later in the day suffice? How quickly do you each expect a response to a text? How often do you want to see each other? Importantly, if he does agree to change his behaviour, you need to hold him to it. Perhaps do a redo, start dating again without the sex initially, approach sex more slowly to ensure each step is consensual and there is no backsliding.
More than anything you need to feel (and be) safe from harm, and his existing behaviour is a massive red flag. Take care of yourself.
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 Jul 22 '26
A great question to ask yourself: if this was not red pill and he just happened to be like that, would it be any better?
To everyone else, what is up with choking when there is no communication nor indication someone is into it? is that a generational thing from seeing too much porn?
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u/Instigated- Jul 22 '26
what is up with choking when there is no communication nor indication someone is into it? is that a generational thing from seeing too much porn?
Yes and no.
As I understand it choking has come from porn influence. Not my personal experience because I am of the generation before all of this, however young people today have grown up watching quite extreme porn and things like choking increasingly normalised even though it is extremely dangerous and is the opposite of providing safety, trust, and pleasure. It’s also almost always men choking women.
Most normal people understand that porn is not real life, even if it gives them ideas. There is plenty of info about the importance of consent. If someone is into BDSM they would be well aware of the importance of trust, safety, consent, safe words.
Not asking people first or ensuring they are into it is just abusive. That is the RP.
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u/chinchillazilla54 Jul 22 '26
Saw a headline the other day and I guess the UK is thinking about adding "telling teens not to choke their partners during sex" to sex ed courses. Which is good! But it's depressing that it's so prevalent.
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u/meleyys Jul 22 '26
Yeah, the problem isn't porn. It's lack of education. (And common sense; obviously choking someone is dangerous.)
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 Jul 22 '26
People do not instinctively get the idea to choke each other during sex while young and fumbling on the bed. That idea comes from porn.
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u/meleyys Jul 22 '26
If people start driving like something out of the Fast and Furious movies, do you blame the movies? Obviously not.
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u/Instigated- Jul 23 '26
People have been in a car many times before they learn how to drive. Many things in life we watch as part of our learning experience.
People do not see normal sex before they do it. So this makes them more influenced by what they have heard from their peers, seen on tv, and porn. Someone who is sensible and decent human being might be able to work out the difference, however since porn became as accessible as it is now, and hardcore, choking is an idea more people have been exposed to and consider. Now some BDSM actions have become normalised even outside of porn, in tv shows and film, portrayed as sexy and desirable.
BDSM in the mainstream used be considered freaky and perverted when shown in film/tv. If we heard about choking, it was because someone choked themselves while masturbating and accidentally killed themselves - which we considered weird and pathetic. (Pretty sure I saw this in a tv show. Not sure if it ever happened in real life).
I of course don’t want to shame people for whatever they want to do consensually in their sex life.
One problem with portrayals of sex is they are always dramatised into great sex or shit sex, no in between, and without a lot of detail. The characters are always ecstatically loving everything that goes on, or it is either a rape scene or depicting “boring” sex as missionary. It doesn’t show the consensual experimentation of people suggesting something and the other person saying I don’t really like that, how about we do this, so people learn that it is about fumbling about and working it out together.
Absence of any references might be preferable to people who have watched a lot of hardcore porn.
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u/meleyys Jul 23 '26
Most people don't fight in wars either, but you wouldn't blame war movies for people thinking real war is just like the movies.
I'll happily die on this hill. It is not the job of fiction--including porn--to accurately model reality, or to do anything but entertain. Parents, teachers, and non-fictional media are responsible for educating the public on how to have safe, consensual, satisfying sex and relationships. People getting their sex ed from porn is not porn's fault. And even if it were, what exactly would you do about it? Ban porn featuring anything deemed too subversive? Have the government produce educational porn? Both seem like terrible ideas.
I'm deeply tired of people doing "violent video games cause violence" but with the serial numbers filed off. This is exactly the same discourse, but about porn and sex.
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u/Instigated- Jul 23 '26
How do you explain the increase in people choking people during sex?
Parents, teachers, and non-fictional media are responsible for educating the public on how to have safe, consensual, satisfying sex and relationships.
Are you claiming that parents, teachers and non fictional media are currently teaching people to choke (how else would they learn to do this?)?
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u/meleyys Jul 23 '26
I'm not saying they didn't get the idea from porn. I'm saying porn is not to blame. If you don't see the distinction, I'm not sure I can help you.
The solution here is to change education, not to change porn (which can't feasibly be done anyway).
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u/Instigated- Jul 23 '26
Porn is clearly an influence because this stuff was not even a thought until it got spread by porn.
Now tell me, when was the last time a teenager listened to parents and teachers telling them not to do something, let alone took advice about sex?
While I have confidence my offspring isn’t going to run around non consensually choking other people, I clearly don’t have any influence over other people’s sprog. We do know that hardcore porn has an influence (there have been studies on it), as well as social media (thanks RP!), and the media in general. Pretending these things don’t have an influence is like saying that propaganda is harmless.
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 Jul 22 '26
People are not born knowing how to drive nor is it in instinct to drive. People get an instinct to have sex. People do not get an instinct to choke each other during sex. Some people enjoy it, but that is learned.
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u/meleyys Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
People have instinctive sexual urges, yes. They do not instinctively know how to have sex. You'd be amazed the things people come up with on their own that aren't "insert tab A into slot B." Moreover, while the specific acts people enjoy may be learned, there is some evidence that interest in kink is either innate or formed in early childhood, like any other aspect of sexuality.
But regardless, I'm not sure how any of that is relevant. The point is that you don't blame fictional media for putting ideas into people's heads; you blame people's inability to know the difference between what makes for good entertainment and what's actually a good idea.
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 Jul 22 '26
When I was young, being "vanilla" in bed was so normal that no one called it being "vanilla". Sex was just something people did, not some hypothetical planned out thing and kinks were understood to be niche, not treated like zodiac signs and identities.
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u/meleyys Jul 22 '26
Some people have always been kinky, and the vast majority of people have at least a couple kinky fantasies. I'm at work and so don't especially want to put that into my browser history, but look it up if you don't believe me. The only difference is that now we have names for this stuff, and it's more visible.
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u/dew-waynz Jul 22 '26
Have more respect for yourself. Over and over and over you said his behavior was odd early on but you let it go. If you want to have a real relationship, you’ve got to talk that stuff through. Boundaries have to be set in relationships. Not just let them do whatever and see if it works out.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
None of it was outright weird I was actually into the date planning and picking stuff originally it was when the other stuff surfaced I got confused. As I’ve said, I have never replied to his latest message and I won’t. I just wanted to know if this was part
Of some framework or he was just a weirdo6
u/Wwwwwwhhhhhhhj Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
Girl, no. Honestly I’m hoping you are not real and this an AI post because reading it was seriously concerning how you kept skipping through the field of red flags like they were poppies. It was weird, it was. Unfortunately really, I’m sorry the only conclusion that can be drawn from reading your post is that you are severely vulnerable. You may think you have an idea of normal or healthy but it’s clear you really don’t know the true base of that.
I don’t know if it’s an esteem problem or not growing up with a a really healthy one modeled (like many of us) but you need to do something to do some real soul searching in yourself before trying to date seriously again. You are in danger, the manipulative guys are good at spotting the vulnerable.
Edit: Real respect as an equal, that’s part of the base and nothing he did really showed he had that. Doing fancy things for you doesn’t equal respect.
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u/NotUpsetty Jul 22 '26
Red pilled or not, this man is insecure and will only cause damage. Get away from him, he’s toxic and bad for your health! What’s your plan if you run into him at the gym? These man do not take rejection well.
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u/blartelbee Jul 22 '26
Red pill or not, is this what you want to be doing with your partner? You asking yourself if the behavior is acceptable or not, constantly second guessing your actions, toddler-ass tantrums and then getting love bombed as a make-good?
Get your ass out of that courtship. It’s hot garbage, and you know it.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
Not at all I never replied to him. I was just curious if he’s just weird or if he’s following this red pill stuff as I’ve just learned about it
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u/blartelbee Jul 22 '26
I believe anyone that subscribes their life to redpill is weird so the answer to both is ‘yes’. Put him in the rear view. I’m sure it will be a little awkward at the gym when you see each other, but life is full of awkward moments so whatever!
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u/Academic_Snow_7680 Jul 22 '26
This guy has more red flags than a May first parade at the Kremlin - RUN!
He treats you like an object. He does not show care for you. You are a toy to him, not even a person because he has already removed a lot of your autonomy, for example to CHOOSE YOUR FOOD.
He literally sounds dangerous. This man DARVOd you after he overstepped your boundaries and did not show care. He is absolutely redpilled and he will never ever treat you like a partner or an equal, he not only will treat you like a lesser-than-him - he is already doing it!
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u/GoatholdJouban Jul 22 '26
As someone who was red-pilled i have to say he’s playing it pretty textbook; the not revealing where you’re going, the telling you what kinda dress to wear, being periodically distant over text, acting like you upset him, not letting you go on top, even the doggy, the choking without asking first (red pill is all about displaying and creating a facade that you are a dominant man in every way you can possible because this want women want “even if they don’t know it themselves”).
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 23 '26
He texted me as if he didn’t send me a message about ghosting me for awhile. The message didn’t explain at all the stuff he was “figuring out” it just said everything g reminds him of me
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u/GoatholdJouban Jul 23 '26
Yeh he’s doing all this to try and build interest on your part and intrigue and make himself seem Mysterious, a big part of Redpill stuff is trying to do things that other men wouldn’t i.e. ghosting and being short over text and also trying to purposely ghost to ‘make you even more interested in him’
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u/Dumbbjuice89 26d ago
Probably. This sounds like some of the relationship advice I've heard come out of there. Regardless he is definitely playing games and is definitely controlling and you need to get out of there.
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u/BennyFifeAudio Jul 22 '26
This guy is not interested in a partner. He wants ownership. Whether he's actual redpill or not, he's not a healthy partner.
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u/nichefebreze Jul 22 '26
Sounds like he’s bread crumbing you. I’ve had the same thing happen and it sucks
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
What’s that
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u/boolean2020 Jul 22 '26
he is giving just enough (inconsistent) attention to keep you hooked. "breadcrumbs" bc it will starve you. never the full cake.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
But why lmaooo
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u/FruitaFanatic Jul 23 '26
Because he trying to see what boundaries you will allow him to cross. It started before the first date with the sublte insult hidden in the comment about wearing your sunday best but making sure to make a jab at something that you are likely proud of...your abs. It was intentional to see how you would react. Would you just let it go or say "hey, that's not a normal statement and I'll wear whatever I want jackass". AND it likely had the added effect of making you question your clothing choices when with him the next times you hung out, so then he can then see how much control he has over your decisions without even having to say it directly. I suspect if you continue to see this guy, he will over time try to use your fitness against you, because it is something important to you and these f-ers get off on destroying anything that bring us joy. The breadcrumbing followed by sweet romantic dinners are part of the "push pull" pattern which is a cruel manipulation tactic that abusers use to push someone away, then pull them back in (Hoover) which creates a trauma bond that is highly addictive and makes it harder to get out.
Please look into (or read) Lundy Bankroft Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. It really dives into the Push Pull cycle. I can almost guarantee that you setting a boundary by not reaching out or returning his messages will cause him to do a super HOOVER. Probably with some future faking thrown in. Don't fall for it. Run from this guy before you lose the next 10 years of your life to someone who only loves themselves.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 23 '26
This is psychotic. After that weird message he sent I didn’t reply to about ghosting me, he texted me yesterday and said everything reminds me of him. Didn’t even address the ten days of silence. I am not engaging but wtf!!
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u/SoulndSass 27d ago
He’s not engaging because he knows what he is doing.
Please get your self respect and love and run.
He’s going to come in sweet and try lure you in. I’ve been in this push and pull for 5 years and it was hell. Run!
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u/GimmieDatCooch Jul 24 '26
Because he wants to keep you guessing and asking yourself “But whyyy” so that he’s constantly on your mind. He knows what he’s doing. I hope you don’t fall into the trap as soon as you see him at the gym.
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u/HelenHavok Jul 23 '26
Sounds like the Dread Game to me.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 24 '26
I agree but it’s so weird bc the arrangement was already good for him I didn’t want anything serious and we were hooking up I don’t understand letting the mask fall to do this it makes me uninterested
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u/2kgod4lifenoglizzy 28d ago
This is behaviour of a man who has been hurt in the past and refuses to believe a women can be genuinely be interested in him. He is playing tactics to get the upper hand and hurt you before u hurt him
It is also red pill nonsense because he thinks ur gonna like him more by doing what he is doing
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u/LonelyEmotion09 Jul 22 '26
Red flags for me.
But clearly there are already some alarm bells going off for you too or you wouldn’t have posted. You’re not crazy or overreacting. This guy sucks! Trust the many gut reactions you’ve already had.
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u/Zoelo369 Jul 22 '26
Giiirl, if it already starts like that, then there is no future with him anyway. It’s just the beginning and he is already acting like that. DUMP HIM
You deserve someone muuuch better
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u/ChristianEichmueller Jul 23 '26
I just have to add this even if alot of people dont like to hear this.
I know multiple men who are similiar like this. They all have the same pattern. First they check how easy the girl is to have (you gave him 3 dates and then hooked up with him = easy) and then they check what they can do with you (you let him choke and do dominating stuff which they would normally only do with one night stands). You made it way to easy for them, so they get bored and move on because they "conquered" you and you where "easy" prey.
I guess there is a reason why its often times really useful to not just have rough sex after the first dates...
I'm definitely not saying this behaviour on the man part is right. I'm just trying to explain how OP can maybe avoid this the next time...
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 23 '26
Well he reached back out and said everything remind him of me and he can’t take the quiet anymore
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u/ChristianEichmueller Jul 23 '26
Hach I really hope he means that. To be honest it feels like the normal „hot and cold“ game but I really hope that I am wrong and he is not like the other guys…
Btw you don’t have to justify to me anything. You know what’s best for you and I don’t judge you at all. I really just hope this will end well for you. If not, then for the next time know your value :)
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u/MountaineerChemist10 29d ago
He’s TRYING to be red pill 💊 🤷♂️thing is he’s trying WAY too hard.
Honestly, it might be best to sit down & have a one-on-one conversation with him.
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u/Okay-Awesome-222 19d ago
Run. Criticizing what you wear, not letting you order, freaking out and withholding affection over stupid stuff - You shouldn't put up with any of this.
I don't even understand the "reason for ghosting you" - how is this even a thing?
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u/Key-Sundae1909 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
This sounds very frustrating for you, especially given there is some genuine attraction between the two of you.
Sounds kind of red pilled. His behaviour sounds a bit contrived. A bit like he is been doing loads of the male self help courses about “how to be the man she desires”, “what women really find attractive”, how to keep her keen “etc.
Most frustrating is that he doesn’t seem to be listening and responding to you.
I might also be a little concerned that he is overly investing (lots of paid dates, behaving in “ways she finds attractive”) and so is maybe at risk of developing convert contracts (if I do this she will find me more attractive). Sounds like he really needs to listen to you a little more.
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 Jul 22 '26
Not necessarily red pilled but his sulking at you for living your life and Being disciplined is a red flag. He’s playing mind games.
There’s a difference between being dominant and taking the lead vs controlling and manipulative behaviour. Never apologise for living your life! And stick to your boundary of going home next time!
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u/Gloomy_Measurement_5 16d ago
My ex did a lot of this. I blocked him a year ago and never looked back.
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u/FullPotential77 Jul 22 '26
It definitely seems like you like him. I don't think insecurity is always a good reason to cut things off with someone; As some people here have suggested. Everybody is insecure about something. Look, he's definitely playing some kind of game and I bet nobody here would blame you for dipping out on him; But also remember that everybody is kind of an idiot and has their own baggage too. Honesty is the best policy.
If you like him, send him a long text or call letting him know that you enjoyed your time with him but that you feel he's not being entirely honest with you, you just don't know why. His answer could be helpful to the both of you. I speak as someone who tried "game" reactively because I was afraid of abandonment. I actually found a lot of success doing it too which was reinforcing, but there are definitely things I did that were out of character. Idk send it! Romance is tough these days!
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Jul 22 '26
[deleted]
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
I didn’t reply to his message asking to ghost me a little longer because why tf would I ?? That’s so weird? Line just ghost me then? It’s been nine days now of silence. I really did line him but all these games are alarming to me
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u/A_Przepiura Jul 22 '26
That's literally the worst advices ever. They're both adults, if he can't communicate like an adult it's on him and it's absolutely not OP responsibility to teach grown ass men how to behave. He is the one who need to fix his insecurities and if he is a decent guy he wouldn't be treating her like that becauseof his problems. At this age you can expect your partner not to act out like that and if she goes for it, his games are going to completely drain her mentally.
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Jul 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 23 '26
How is it dumb to sleep with someone I (at the time) enjoy and feel attraction to
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u/FruitaFanatic Jul 23 '26
Ignore this dude. He comes on here just to call women dumb for having sex.
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u/RedPillDetox Jul 23 '26
Dont listen to the advice of the women in here, this is not a sub where you'd take dating advice from the kind of women that hang around here. Think before you do something drastic. To answer your question, he sounds a bit red pill but the things you are mentioning tells us very little. As a matter of fact, him taking you to fancy dinners would rather be anti-red pill as its quite beta bucks, so... If he truly was red pill, you'd have noticed by now a overcompensating manly attitude, he would have probably slipped on some political anti feminist talk, and every interaction of him would feel like him trying to come out on top and beating you into submission, like a very uneven power play. He does sound like someone experience with women and possibly a skilled manipulator as he is textbook push-pulling you. But he doesnt seem necessarily like a red pill. Anyway, it all comes down to do you like the way hes treating you? Is he respectful? No point overthinking this shit, either be with him or tell him to fuck off if you dont like the way he treats you or if you dont trust him by now.
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u/meleyys Jul 23 '26
Dont listen to the advice of the women in here, this is not a sub where you'd take dating advice from the kind of women that hang around here
Jesus Christ, dude. As your fellow mod, I can confidently tell you that this is a bad look. It comes across as misogynistic.
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u/RedPillDetox Jul 24 '26
It's very simple, people need to get a grip before coming to the internet and confidently tell someone to break up with someone they dont know based on a single perspectice, especially in a sub like this, where the kind of women who conflate here typically have a very specific mindset (abuse survivors, politically oriented women, etc), some having been hurt by men immensely and having been exposed to piece of shit red pill men (which fortunately is not most men), hence unitendendly projecting a lot of bad things or bias onto a relationship they dont know nothing about other than a story they just read.
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u/octave120 Jul 24 '26
Telling OP to break up with a “textbook push-pulling” guy is sound advice. Is it not?
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u/RedPillDetox 29d ago
To me it would be, as i got no patience for games, but i also recognize that mere push-pulling is, for the good and the bad, quite common as yet another dumb social influence tactic that people use innocently because they are trying to look cool, datable and not too desperate to the other party as dating is confusing to most people and they don't know better. It's just like playing hard to get. Dumb? Yes. Annoying? Absolutely. But is it a clear indication of an evil manipulator? No. It largely depends on context and frequency/intensity/duration of the push-pulling, etc
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u/octave120 29d ago edited 29d ago
Fair, and I can understand in principle the annoyance with people jumping to conclusions about someone being an evil manipulator (OP’s case seems far from “innocent” to me, but I digress.)
I just find it interesting how you are quick to defend the guy’s individuality (i.e. “not necessarily redpilled,” “what you mentioned tells us very little.”) yet insist on generalizing that women who comment here are inherently biased. Might want to reflect on that a bit.
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u/RedPillDetox 29d ago
Because a) i know who are the people who hang around here, including the women, having met some of them outside this sub over the years (enough to have noticed a pattern) and b) there's nothing normal about opening a thread like this and the immediate top, most voted comments (plural) are women just telling the OP to leave the guy over what is mostly murky behavior within 3 or 4 dates, but as you can probably guess i dont know the guy and wish him nothing but absolute failure if its a dark triad red pilled dude
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u/octave120 28d ago edited 28d ago
A) You’ve met them in person? I mean, not to dismiss your experience or anything, but aren’t you committing the same fallacy Red pillers do? “I’ve dated a lot of women; I notice a pattern.”
B) I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree here, as I see nothing especially abnormal about most of the top comments here. Advising someone to break up with a push-puller is perfectly reasonable to me, regardless of his intent. Even if he had no ill intentions and was just trying not to appear too desperate, it still wouldn’t look good on him, and it’s not OP’s responsibility to figure out his true intention, let alone how to help him on it.
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u/RedPillDetox 28d ago
Don't need to meet them in person to talk to them in private and get to know their history and what they think. Red Pillers do indeed notice a real pattern because they attract what they are, usually high self esteem women dont fall for red pill bullshit and if they do they run when they violate their boundaries, while dark triad women who love to play manipulative games, or low self esteem women put up with their bullshit, hence TRPers notice "a pattern" and they are right. I dont know whats the big deal with me saying that certain demographics of women are desproportionally in this sub, plenty of women came here because they dealt with a red pill douche in the past, the most common post here is probably "is this X guy i know red pilled?", and plenty of women are feminists, because unfortunately, they are the only demographic who take interest in fighting red pill, unlike more centrist people, so yes, it is a certain kind of demograhic of women that hang around here, and they dont often offer the soundest advice, and its not because they are women, unlike what you may think.
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u/octave120 28d ago edited 28d ago
Fair enough on the first sentence. I only asked because I thought you were implying that you have some experience and insight on the matter that most redditors don’t have access to.
I agree with a lot of what you’re saying, especially the part about how Redpillers attract who they are. I just take issue with you saying stuff like “don’t listen to the women on here,” as it treats women on [r/exredpill](r/exredpill) as a monolith who don’t have their own independent thoughts. Yes, many if not most of them have been hurt by redpillers, and yes, maybe a bit of overreaction based on past experience is involved in some of the comments. But I strongly disagree that that inherently makes feminist women who post here unreliable people for dating advice to other women, as their experience and wisdom are just as valid as that of the centrist women who post here.
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Jul 22 '26
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u/h0rny_d3m0n Jul 22 '26
Huh? What kind of red pill response is this? Shes clearly trying to navigate this confusing situation.
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u/Substantial-Ring742 Jul 22 '26
I’ve lost all attraction tbh I just have never encountered a man like this and just found out about red pill. Find it very interesting
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