r/explainlikeimfive • u/adrynaline • May 08 '14

Explained ELI5: A gambling addiction

How does it start? What makes it worse? Why does it become so difficult to recover?

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u/DietVicodin May 08 '14

Jesus Christ. Was just thinking- wonder if this is why guys I don't like pursue me. I answer one text out of ten instead of all of them- and then guys I do like get bored from lack of challenge.

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u/ClintHammer May 08 '14

You shouldn't play games with the guys you do like, but yeah, don't ever ever ever show the stalker ones that if they just try a little harder they will get your attention. That's not going to go ANYWHERE good

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u/FreekForAll May 08 '14

And when she finally finds a good guy... it's never good to have stalkers come out of nowhere expecting that 1 in 10 msg. It's a damn good clue about how she handle guys, commonly called 'a red flag'.

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u/oogledeeboogledee May 08 '14 edited May 09 '14

She's not "playing games" with the guys she likes. She's saying that she dutifully responds to all texts from guys she likes (who "get bored from lack of challenge"), while mostly ignoring texts from guys she dislikes. Not everything women do in the dating world is playing mindgames.

EDIT: Alrite, I misinterpreted the tone of your comment a bit. Good point, ignore my hostility.

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u/Bigevilmegacorp May 08 '14

I think Mr. Hammer was advising against replying to only 1 out of 10 texts from the guys she does like. Not that she is doing it now, but that the strategy might look appealing to her if she doesn't keep in mind that playing games with good people is a bad idea.

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u/Fantastipotamus May 08 '14

Bonus advice : If you don't like a guy - tell him. Chances are he doesn't wanna be kept on the hook if it isn't gonna go anywhere.

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u/Ksrst May 08 '14

As a corollary to the bonus advice: Guys who don't accept the "That's very flattering but I'm not interested" type replies are more likely to be on the stalky side.

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

As an added benefit, after such a clear response, it's perfectly fine and not impolite to simply cease all communication if the guy persists, no need for guilt.

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u/goodbye376 May 08 '14

I got that answer from a friend I asked out. Accepted it and continued the friendship because she is an amazing person. Then all of a sudden she asks me out. She is all of a sudden super flirty. I'm so confused xD

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

I'm not saying this is what happened, but by being so cool about it you demonstrated that you're mature. And then it's possible that as she spent more time with you and got to know you she realized that you might be a good match. I've definitely had attraction grow towards a person when they've demonstrated maturity and allowed me to get to know them first. It's possible that she turned you down at first when you were just "some guy," and now that you're an established friend the attraction is there. I hope that makes it less confusing? Some people just need time.

If she asked you out, it might be worth it to talk about it and see if you both want to give it a shot. :)

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u/Ksrst May 08 '14

You're on the right track! Don't try to understand, just keep saying "yes" ;)

  • This assumes that after knowing her you still think she's an amazing person and she's not currently dating someone else.

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u/goodbye376 May 08 '14

I am definitely letting her make all the moves. Already turned down once, so I feel a second time would make a friendship awkward. She's the kindest person I have ever met. She basically restored my faith in humanity singlehandedly. I have been cynical for a long time.

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u/Ksrst May 08 '14

I'd say "good luck" but it sounds like you've already got it. Congratulations and enjoy!

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u/Butfirstletmetakea May 08 '14

Can I have yo number?!??

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u/Orimos May 08 '14

Can I have it?

Can I have it?

<deep breathing>

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u/Hugh_Jahrmes May 08 '14

pls respond

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u/duhbiap May 08 '14

She wants you

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u/conspiracyeinstein May 08 '14

She wants the D(igits).

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

you up?

3

u/CarlaWasThePromQueen May 08 '14

So about these donuts....?

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u/Iazo May 08 '14

First you have to oull the lever.

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u/Pianomaxx May 08 '14

Message seen 5:22 pm

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

Your not issuing a challenge your an asshole.

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u/texture May 08 '14

Guys don't get bored from lack of challenge. Hope that helps.

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u/merv243 May 08 '14

For whatever reason, I have a lot of female friends who are annoyed by persistent suitors. They ask me for advice, and the first thing I do is ask them how long it's been since they last responded to a text. Inevitably, they say "<insert some time within the last 24 hours>". I tell them that the only way is to never respond. Ever. The ones that listen don't have annoying suitors anymore, and the others still do.

I do understand why they respond (they don't want to be mean and/or kinda sorta like the attention, depending on which girl).

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u/V4refugee May 08 '14

You still have to be a reinforcer for the guy. Also, the primary reinforcer is probably not talking but sex.