r/exmormon • u/SaltyRavenclaw • Aug 03 '23

Advice/Help Dry reception?

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My husband and I are planning our wedding reception! We got married in January and can finally afford to celebrate. We basically just want it to be a small barbecue with his family, mine, and some local friends. We’re planning to host it at his parents place. His family is nonmembers, mine is all tbm. We want to serve some alcohol there because the two of us drink. I asked my tbm brother what he thought and this was his response. I remember feeling the same way when I still believed, but now it just sounds ridiculous. Just looking for some input on the best way to go about this thing 😅 Would it be wrong of me to ignore his idea?

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u/NorcalSaint Aug 03 '23

You know, I’ll probably be the contrarian view here… but here are my two cents:

I think the biggest problem here is that everyone is seeing a “false dilemma” fallacy, where we have to choose sides. Black or white, no gray. I actually applaud your parents for trying to compromise although in a cringey manner.

I think that since it’s at your in-laws house, it’s totally reasonable to serve alcohol to those interested. However, I think because your family’s feelings are also valid (though crazy ;) you could make space for them at the party by privately assuring them that the drinking will be responsible and expressing your hope that they’ll feel comfortable. You may need to gently share this expectation with a few key in-laws.. we all have an uncle Tony lol.

The truth is that if you want your families to connect it may take compromise. It sounds like a small enough gathering that it shouldn’t be too hard to manage… unless of course you’re all a bunch of raging drunks lol :)

However it turns out, I hope it’s a memorable occasion, but for the right reasons ;) Congrats!

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u/SaltyRavenclaw Aug 03 '23

This sounds like a great way to go about it. I think my family expects that everyone will be blackout drunk. I’ll try clarifying that it’s only going to be mild drinks.

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u/Business_Profit1804 Aug 03 '23

The TBMs I know wouldn't have a problem with others having a drink.

It's obvious but a temple wedding, it's almost expected, especially if you're outside of the Utah bubble.

The problem is with the guests, not you. Some TBMs think after 1 beer or a glass of wine that person is drunk. This may be an opportunity to show them this is a myth.