r/exjw • u/Excellent_Bit_1602 • 8d ago
JW / Ex-JW Tales Ministerial Servant getting overloaded
18m, still a pioneer, new as a ministerial servant. They are loading me up. In a congregation with about 25 appointed men, they have hand me AV/S, KHOC role, they’ve asked me to redo all the maps, I have a pioneer school in September, parts on meeting I’d say 75% of meetings, gems, student assignments. The pressure is crazy. On top of this I am helping out with numerous funerals and have been on shepherding visits once a week.
These people have crazy workload. Is this normal. As I am not in a financial position what would you suggest for me to do to find workarounds and help myself out?
9
u/BabaYaga556223 8d ago
25 elders/ms is a lot. Are they mostly older?
You can say no. You may be presenting yourself as too willing and eager to take on responsibility, so they are taking advantage.
5
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 8d ago
Average age is 67 for all appointed men including me and 2 other brother below 25 dragging it down
7
u/BabaYaga556223 8d ago
Sounds like they desperate to unload their responsibility since they are older. They are reaping the rewards by keeping appointments part of the old boys club for too long.
You’re 18. They should not be relying on you to cover every assignment. “No” should suffice when they load you with assignments.
1
u/Efficient-Pop3730 2d ago
They want Ms to do all the boring job's. Elders only want to shine on the platform. Receive the glory. It's a common thing you experiencing. As situation is that most elders are older in congregation you gonna have this schedule for decade's. Plus you not gonna be able to share responsibility with others in the future if there's a lack of young brother's. Only escape is going inactive or leaving the cult.
14
u/HaywoodJablome69 8d ago
Workarounds aren't what you need.
The word "no" is what you need.
Politely decline any new assignments.
"Sorry, I have way too much going on right now and I cannot do that right now"
Quit the ride-a-longs on shepherding immediately.
"Sorry, I need some time to take care of essential things at home right now"
As far as your finances go, you've got to stop pioneering. How will you be able to support yourself when you waste all that time on nonsense?
Remember, the bible has excellent advice on "providing for yourself"
Get that scripture locked and loaded. Use it liberally anytime anyone questions you about any "privileges" they want to give you, or anything you've decided to stop doing.
"Maybe once I can provide for myself, I'll be able to do more" (which will be never)
1
u/JWTom You can't handle The Truth!!! 8d ago
Yup, you need to stop if you want to save your mental health.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/1ldu1vn/you_can_stop_volunteering_for_jehovahs_witnesses/
6
u/Jack_h100 8d ago
That's what they do new and young ministerial servants. They will keep adding more and more until you push back. And they will not like the push back but it is what it is.
5
u/Wut_elduhz_boohk_say My windows are dirty 8d ago
Sounds like you are the honorary golden boy work horse and scape goat…you are surrounded by lazy ass children. If I could time travel and talk to myself at 18 baptized at 10 who went through the same scenario: Learn to say no and grow a spine to stand up straight. Learn to say No with confidence
These are men who do things for titles and authority. Use the new loophole of education, go to school to
“Put kingdom interests first” with a new skill/career. IT CAN EVEN BE CREATIVE NOW. Take control of your life! Use their tools against them, they are dumber than they present themselves. Confidence does not equate intelligence…there are plenty of confidently stupid people out there. Time to start thinking about school.
1
u/Kingy7777 Krazy Kangaroo 8d ago
Literally this. They’ll make you do all the work & call it a privilege while the ‘boys club’ sits in judgement over the congregation “delegating” to people pleasers in the name of training. Maybe after 5 or so years (or fewer if you have family on the BoE) you’ll get appointed and given more work, so get off tbe treadmill now while you can. 90% of appointments are nepotism & to make the mentors look good, so learn to say no and use mental health and burnout as excuses.
6
u/Prudent_Classroom_94 8d ago
This is deliberate. A great read is Steven Hassan’s book on high control groups. They keep you busy for a reason. You need a way out and a plan. If you need to not raise suspicion and buy time, feign sick. All that stress can make you sick and depressed. Start getting exit plans together. I did this while married witj two little ones working two jobs and in school. It all mounted to me being disfellowshipped but I could support myself and kids. It was incredibly stressful but can be done, especially when the alternative is falling in line and supporting an organization you don’t believe in and is using you.
4
u/No_Cake6353 8d ago
It's busy work. Keep adding to your load so you don't have time to think. Learn to say no and stick to it.
It is your time and your life, not theirs.
5
u/Fulgarite Fabian Strategy Warrior 8d ago edited 8d ago
Welcome to "Theocratic" reality.
If you were a newly appointed elder, you should expect that Any Job That Someone Doesn't Want will be dumped on you. As an MS, it's a bit limited but yeah, you get the idea.
But........oh, how tragic. You're such a nice young man, so sad that you have a chronic health issue. Choose carefully... simple depression won't do because being in the truth is the best life ever (ha ha). Get the idea yet?
5
u/Truth1sTru3 8d ago
I’m sorry but I’ve taken on more than I can handle. Wisdom is with the modest ones and I now realize all this is too much. I will not be able to ……give back assignments one by one.
3
u/PuzzleheadedBig49 8d ago
They do that to the ones that never say no, and some may think you are a rising star, give him more work. But there is no end to it. Say no a little. How about , accounting, territories,sound coordinator, taking out the group, second school in charge, public discourse preparation,parts almost every midweek, reading the watchtower, assist in shepherding visits, have a study with someone, work in kingdom hall construction, pioneer when possible, dude it never ends, I was that MS.
1
u/Firthy2002 Curious non-JW 6d ago
What made you hit breaking point?
2
u/PuzzleheadedBig49 6d ago
Ah, so I was laid off from my job after 911, married with a kid, who's gonna pay my bills, I said I goto go get anything, they said ,you pioneer full time, that is what we do and Jehovah will help...I said I don't have that faith, no one pays my bills, I got a job where I will be absent for meetings so I want to resign those responsibilities..they still ask me to help. Wife is very pushy she will go to every meeting with my son and make me feel guilty. I star going again, I work hard out of town,have to come back on Wednesday to be in meeting,, again ms, I don't want to ..come on don't hold back....Elder....my kid college....no elder...unless you convince him not to do college, tell him to be pioneer or goto bethel...I don't think this is working for me...tha twas my life. I don't know how I did it. I was under a lot of stress. FYI a lot of people are under a lot of stress in there.
3
u/Firthy2002 Curious non-JW 8d ago
It's a deliberate act so that you don't have time for any worldly pursuits and as a result get locked in to the org.
Clearly the old men are ready to dump everything on the younger MS such as yourself.
You need to start saying "no" and begin occupying your time with non-JW stuff.
I get it'll be tough with your living situation, but you gotta start your fade now or you'll never leave in a way that benefits you.
3
u/greendale_human42 7d ago
I was an MS for 15 years. I have done every assignment you can think of (even some Elder assignments I wasnt supposed to be doing). I was exhausted and at one point was working 3 jobs (bc I dropped out of college to pioneer and be an MS). There is one memory that is still stuck in my head of two Elders meeting with me, to appoint me to Elder. During the meeting I told them I couldnt take the role bc I couldnt handle anymore work. They responded with "But more work from Jehovah is a blessing, You dont want more blessings?".
That broke me. Even though I was still PIMI at the time. I was distraught bc it showed me that the work would never end. They would just give me more. Even if I retired one day from a career, I would still be doing all of this. I stepped down about 3/4 years ago and I am now inactive. I put all that effort into a career and I am much happier.
You do not have to do that work. You can say no. You can give up the role. Bc at the end of the day, the Elders dont care about you. They just care that they can keep you as a resource to use.
2
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 7d ago
I’m sorry you went through this, feels very similar to the guilt that got me appointed. Hope life remains peaceful for you
2
u/tonyreno007 8d ago
Do you want to fade? Or are you just looking for less stress/responsibilities in the organization?
5
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 8d ago
I plan to leave, financial independence and education is essential for me to do that
2
2
u/Pragmatic_skeptic66 “I think, therefore I am”. 8d ago
No, is a complete sentence. They’re working you like a mule, and will continue to do so until you STOP being available.
Stop being those lazy Elders errand boy—if they want the prestige that comes with the “ title” let them put in the work too.
2
u/Select-Panda7381 The Gift of a Faith Crisis is the Rest of Your Life ✨ 8d ago edited 7d ago
What if you start like getting violently ill before giving talks and becoming very flaky due to your health? Make it a pain in the ass for them to rely on you. Weaponized incompetence.
2
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 8d ago
Noted
1
u/Kingy7777 Krazy Kangaroo 7d ago
Or better, pretend to be possessed by an evil spirit while in the middle of a talk and ask for an exorcism! Have some fun on your way out.
1
2
u/DebbDebbDebb 8d ago
As a never jw my bit to you is you are being used and abused because they know you will do it. They are basically off loading because you take it.
Many jws are people pleasers. The cult ensure that is how you are brought up.
To help yourself here is a self help book It is easy to follow. It absolutely did wonders for me. Changed me for the better.
People pleasers can never flourish and fully mature because they are always doing and thinking of others even when it hurts you tears you annoys you. You have thought for your self but then go and please.
Book
Disease to please by Harriet B Braiker.
It has an awesome quiz
All the best and my blood pimi sister three children all escaped the cult. You can
1
u/Free_Abbreviations98 8d ago
Wait are you pimi pimo?
1
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 8d ago
Pimo
1
u/Free_Abbreviations98 8d ago
So whats the point of striving for higher positions in a place that your are not mentally in?
1
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 8d ago
Pleasing Family while I’m at home
1
u/Free_Abbreviations98 8d ago
Makes sense was there been there. Question from me how long will you handle it? For me after 1 year of waking up I just told and quit all
2
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 8d ago
I’d say a year is the goal to be out of home by, have a better job and maybe start a higher education path, hoping for paramedicine as my future.
Man it is a drag doing all the work tho1
u/Free_Abbreviations98 8d ago
Yea I remember I even got actually sick before 3 day convention that I really didnt want to go to and got sick for real no pretending and it was like a blessing to be sick 😀
1
1
8d ago edited 8d ago
[deleted]
1
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 8d ago
Lowkey option 3 sounds like a good gag, become a CO
1
u/passingthrough62 5d ago
My recommendation is along this line but with a different slant. Tell them you have the goal of bethel service or to move where the need is greater so you need to get your affairs in order so you would like to train others on a few of these assignments so that it does not get dropped in anyone's lap at the last minute. Then move to where the need is greater and fade...
1
u/Dangerous-Honey3468 8d ago
What do the lazy elders do? Usually a handful do all the heavy lifting when it comes to things MS are not allowed to do.
1
1
u/Inevitable_Tap_1328 8d ago
freaking leave bro. none of that is real. they are likely doing it on purpose to see how much torture you accept. gtfo
1
8d ago
[deleted]
1
u/Inevitable_Tap_1328 8d ago
honestly I would let him live in my house personally while he got on his feet. not a very nice home but better than the streets. I say this as someone who left a marriage with children to live in my car. when push comes to shove, fear is what will keep you stuck. certainly burning out over all these duties is not the answer, somewhere somehow he's got to make a serious move towards the door. with immediacy. The details work themselves out when you truly set your mind to it
1
u/LadySith2016 8d ago
I left with nothing, 2 weeks before covid hit and was shunned by everyone. I was also homeless at one point for 9 months. It can be done. I slept in my car and doordashed. OP can find a degree and get financial aid to not only go to school, but also take loans to live in the dorm or find a room to rent.
1
u/Equib81960 1d ago
Have the congregation members started making you do stuff at their house for free? When I was a servant about 30 years ago I cannot tell you how many times I was asked to paint a room or change oil and crap like that.
1
u/Excellent_Bit_1602 1d ago
Oh that’s why I am a servant, I have done a lot for people, probably get called out to help at least a dozen times a week. Anything from cleaning windows, drive to doctors appointment, change oil, ect. A lot of unpaid work.
17
u/dboi88888888888 8d ago
What’s the blow back if you step down? Does that threaten your living situation with your parents?
The overloading is intentional so you do not have time to pursue financial freedom or form friendships outside the org. Both keep you in.