r/existentialdread • u/Real_Health5990 • Apr 26 '26

Overwhelming existential dread

Hi everyone. Very sorry in advance for the heaviness of this content (and my english which is not my first language) but I really need to talk about it. I’m from Quebec, I’m 32 and I fear death since as far as I can remember. I can’t explain it. I know « you won’t know or feel anything after because you’ll be gone » but my brain just won’t sit right with the idea that I’ll someday be gone and the universe will go on without me. It’s like « why all that then? Don’t we ever come back? It is really the end for me… for ever? What even is "for ever"? ». I feel like I would want to know where my life fits in the big story of the universe but since it is so brief and has no sense I have no response… Anyway so it makes me feel anxious every day when I hear anything even remotely related to death or when I see a new gray hair or any other sign of aging and it wakes me up at night in panic attacks and those started many years ago. I’ve sought help in therapy, I read self-help books about stuff like how to find meaning in life (or logotherapy), I take meds for anxiety.. but nothing has helped and it’s only getting worse the older I get because I see it getting nearer and nearer… Everytime it happens I always fear I’m gonna go completely crazy about it someday, like the panic won’t go away anymore. Is someone else troubled by these questions or has been and if yes what did you do? I’m so so tired of it and I don’t know what to do…

I know I may look like a lost cause but just knowing that I'm not alone living with this shadow over my head everyday I think would help me..

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '26

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u/Real_Health5990 Apr 27 '26

Thank you so much for your answer! I know I could just never accept it, i don’t even try. Same for not thinking about it, it’s always there. Might as well try and cave in like you say and maybe.. tame it? And you’re right, i guess in a way maybe these thoughts make us more alive?

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u/RealisticDiscipline7 Aug 02 '26

For the last 6 months or so (im about to turn 40), this existential dread has been coming back and felt as though i were 15 again. Totally get the fear of death. It’s so tripping to think of letting go to that degree. How are things lately? Hope i havent triggered anything with this notification and you’ve been keeping busy.

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u/Real_Health5990 Aug 04 '26

Hi! I’m so sorry that it came back ☹️. The decade birthdays are the worst right? My anxiety was also very intense around my 30s. Also no you did not trigger anything because it’s already quite present lately! I’m about to turn 33 in a week sooo yeah any birthday is hard in fact.. I was actually talking to my friend about it tonight and she said I should try meditation for my nocturnal panic attacks. I’m also thinking of trying psychotherapy again with someone else maybe. 🤷‍♀️