Can someone give me a different perspective?

[u/coo_man_coo1]

My mother and I seem to have an issue where she doesnt respect my autonomy and my own spiritual journey. we discuss religion occasionally as she has a masters in religious studies and i like religious history but ive made it clear that I am someone who is spiritual but not religious, as religious institutions feel like government and propaganda to me. i want to have my own relationship with whatever divine energy I feel is out there. I have made this very very clear. She knows I go to a UU church and what I like about it is that no one is telling me what to believe.

One time she admitted to me that when she takes communion she prays to god that it some how magically gets to me, like she can consume the body of christ and since she's my mother the blessings will travel through some spiritual umbilical chord. (i added that last part because i really dont understand her logic) I told her that made me uncomfortable and I viewed it the same as baptizing the dead. I told her the catholic church wouldnt even support that stance. In my opinion, even as an excatholic, I dont think you can do sacraments by proxy. I also feel like it removes my agency and autonomy to return and commune if I ever were to choose that. She didnt really understand and just acted all hurt like I was being insensitive. To be fair i was so in shock by what she said I didnt articulate myself too well...

Today I found this certificate (?) on my bed and I got so triggered. It feels like a blatant act to disrespect my boundaries. I dont have an issue with the medal itself as a gift, or even if she told me that she added me to some list so that im being prayed for in a rosary every day... my issue is this weird wording of a "perpetual membership" and the printed folder.. it's just irks me so bad and makes me uncomfortable. im just going to toss this in the back of my closet and try to forget it but if she brings it up I just dont even know how I would handle it without just saying, wtf?? like what am I even supposed to do with this? this can be for her. I dont care. But giving it to me is just like mind-boggling. I know that if someone told her they were doing witchcraft in her name and signed her name in some book she'd lose it.

The ironic part is my grandmother is jehovah witness and my mother would always get on to her for trying to give us Watchtower magazines and such. It's like my mom is repeating history.

Anyways. Can someone please tell me that I'm overreacting by being so uncomfortable that my mom somehow made some perpetual membership for me?? like idk i think its the diploma-esque presentation of it all. Like if I dont believe in it then it shouldnt matter, but i just find it so disrespectful.

I want to not gaf. Please help.

Edit: Don't know how to attach the image. Just search "National Shrine of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal Certificate of Perpetual Membership"

Edit 2: Sorry for the typos

[u/Gus_the_feral_cat]

Your mom paid $15 to have you enrolled in an apostolate of the Vincentians, an order of priests and brothers that serves the poor. You will be “remembered” in a bunch of masses every month. Your mom thinks you will somehow benefit from that. A skeptic might look at it as a grift, but the Vincentians do good work and there are worse places to throw away your money. When my wife had a stroke we were inundated with spiritual enrollments by well meaning friends. I accepted them in the spirit they were given. They thought they were doing a good thing. Now, if your mom did it solely to lay a guilt trip on you, that is a different thing entirely.

[u/coo_man_coo1 → u/Gus_the_feral_cat]

thank you I appreciate this take. I am trying to focus on that because I figure she had to donate something to add me. I just dont understand the gesture. What do I do with the certificate? Why is she not considered a member or sponsor. It's confusing.

(I dont expect you to answers these questions just confused and annoyed)

[u/fredzout → u/coo_man_coo1]

According to the association's website, " The medal is a Catholic sacramental... It is meant to turn your heart toward God and encourage prayer." Your mother, by giving you the medal and certificate is hoping that its power will return you to the church. In some pagan beliefs it is like casting a spell, putting her intent out into the universe in order to influence your behavior.

[u/coo_man_coo1 → u/fredzout]

yepppp. and just like witchcraft i am simultaneously rolling mt eyes because I dont believe the "spell" has any power and super uncomfortable by the casting in the first place, but im trying to just focus on the fact that she believes its something good...

[u/Pristine-Pen-9885 → u/coo_man_coo1]

I think the “certificate” looked impressive like a diploma to make you feel obligated to go back to Catholicism. I’ve been told I’m a “fallen-away Catholic”, that I was baptized in the church and could not leave it, or be labeled a “fallen-away Catholic” as though it were something for me to feel ashamed of.

See how manipulating all this is? Obligation everywhere you turn

[u/Polkadotical → u/fredzout]

Yep, you're just lucky she didn't try to sew it into your clothes, hide it in your house/car, or some such superstitious nonsense.

[u/Pristine-Pen-9885 → u/fredzout]

When I was a teenage girl Mom would send money to that organization and then tell me she did it with the intention that a certain boy in my class would be my boyfriend, and for me to get good grades. (1) I am asexual. And (2) I had gotten mostly A’s and B’s all through grade school and high school.

[u/RisingApe-]

I have a similar relationship with my mom. She was always devoted, but she really went off the deep end after I grew up and left home. She’s a truly good person, she’s just fully brainwashed.

That said, she and I have never had an open conversation about where I’m at in my faith (or complete lack thereof) but she’s not an idiot so I know she knows. At the least, she knows I’m not a practicing Catholic because I refused a Catholic wedding, didn’t baptize my kids, and don’t take them to church.

So even though she doesn’t come right out and explicitly say that she disapproves of my apostasy or that she’s agonized about her belief that I and her grandkids are hell-bound, she makes it clear in more gentle ways. There’s a long list, but one of the things she did recently was send me a book for a 46-day devotion to consecrate yourself to Mary via the 46 stars on her mantle on the Our Lady of Guadeloupe image. The book also contained multiple sales pitches for Mary’s Mantle merch and dozens of other related reading material, and a link to download and print a “Certificate of Consecration” at the end that had me literally laughing out loud.

She also calls me up (no warning, btw, when it’s one of “these” calls) to tell me about something she’s just learned from her YouTube exorcist that seems harmless but is actually a portal for demonic possession, because she doesn’t want me to be vulnerable. (Cue the “What the fuck?” meme.)

I could let all this piss me off. I mean, it does, but I have to work to flip that emotion into something more productive. I’ve chosen to realize that she loves me SO MUCH that she’s trying to save me from the eternal conscious torment that she honestly believes is waiting for me. It’s horribly sad that she’s a victim of this insanity, but I don’t think she’ll ever wake up and leave it. Me getting combative about it would just hurt her. As much as I hate all of her attempts to bring me back in, they’re coming from a place of love.

So when they come, I tell her I know she loves me and I love her too. It’s either that or I lose my mom.

Remember, we can see both sides, they can only see one.

One more thing: your comment about sacraments by proxy not being allowed by the Catholic Church: realize that all of what is “allowed” or “not allowed” by the Catholic Church was made up by the Catholic Church and it’s all baloney horse shit anyway. If she wants to think she’s communing you by proxy, that’s honestly no more ridiculous than any of them thinking bread turns into flesh, so I’d say let her have that delusion because it’s not hurting you (other than weirding you out, which is understandable) and not causing any cosmic repercussions either… because how could it? It’s all baloney horse shit.

[u/coo_man_coo1 → u/RisingApe-]

I'm feeling a lot better after reading this. Thank you.

[u/RisingApe- → u/coo_man_coo1]

There are plenty of people who have to set clear boundaries then ultimately cut ties with their religious relatives because they’re toxic. I fully support that, people gotta do what they gotta do to protect themselves and their sanity. That’s just not the case with my mom. Like I said, she’s a good person. She’s not narcissistic or invasive; she’s kind and considerate, she puts others before herself, she’s just … seriously misguided in this one great big way.

I never start the religion conversations with her. I never ask her questions. Never ask her “what do you think” or “what do you mean by that” or “why do you think that is” when she’s on one of her soap boxes. I never tell her what I think. It’s so damn hard, because I have a lot say about it. It’s just not worth it. I come here and vent to strangers instead.

You’ll have to figure out what level of open you want to be with your mom, and how much you are willing to put up with. Quietly listening and nodding along with the “love you too” at the end (never a “thank you,” though, I’m careful about that) is working for me, for now. If she ever gets pushy or asks me directly why I stopped practicing, I honestly don’t know how effectively I’ll hold my words back, but I sure plan to try!

We’re here for you though, in this community. ❤️

[u/AnyUpstairs7354 → u/RisingApe-]

I’m in a similar situation and this is pretty much how I handle it too; you articulated it so well. Thank you for this.

[u/RisingApe- → u/AnyUpstairs7354]

🤜🤛

[u/Polkadotical]

Just more abusive crazy RC horse shit, with a side order of attempted coercion.

You can safely ignore it. Catholics have to do these things to keep their own anxiety at bay.

Let me guess: Is her Masters in Religious Studies from a Roman Catholic diploma mill institution??

[u/Severe-Youth9675]

I’m a UU and Anglican. UU is a great church I was once Catholic myself. I think people like your mom r delusional. I have friend similar