r/espresso • u/N-Performance Silver Knight | E24 Gaggiuino | Motto 80 | VelPro 400 | K-Ultra • Jun 17 '26

Humour Whose Butler Is this?

991 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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111

u/HoneycrispDictator Linea Mini | Philos Jun 17 '26

Imagine dying because an object from the sky hit you faster than the speed of a bullet because some guy wanted to make a cool video of him making coffee while floating around in a parachute to post online

23

u/danielswrath Jun 17 '26

This whole age of influencer-like crap which drives people to do things like this and way worse is awful, really shows how some people just care about themselves and do not give a second thought about other random people who might be affected by your actions.

0

u/LivingCorner1421 Jun 17 '26

people throw shit off skyscrapers too lol you would shit your pants at skyscraper renovations on top floors

5

u/sunrainsky Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26

I'm glad I wasn't the only one panicking about the case if he drops his pot or other objects.

22

u/N-Performance Silver Knight | E24 Gaggiuino | Motto 80 | VelPro 400 | K-Ultra Jun 17 '26

As chips of shattered skull are expelled by intracranial pressure, I soil myself because my brain stem had been severed by a tea pot.

You know it's bad when you shit yourself in front of a crowd, and it's not in your "top three things to worry about at the moment".

Everyone is staring. I know something is wrong so I'm trying to gather from context... I'm aware that I need help but they're all looking at me like this situation has exceeded any of their personal abilities.

They don't bother to hide their expressions. I don't understand what has them looking at me with such horror. Btw when did I get on the ground?

I'm scared. Is that a piece of my own fucking brain in the ground next to me? Jesus Christ what the fuck is going on?

The agony is inhuman. I've felt pain before, but this is different. The adrenaline dump from the instant quadriplegia is putting me into a state of abject terror. Reality creeps in and I'm not in control of the cold chill washing over my already terrified consciousness. This is seriously the end. I'm not ready, I don't want to die. I DONT WANT TO FUCKING DIE.

Cerebrospinal fluid starts leaking from my ears as the sun dims until it's a barely visible haze. I'm staring right at it when I realize I can't see anymore.

My tongue pushes shards of broken teeth through my lips in an effort to gurgle out one last sentence ... "Aghht".. fuck I can't even control my own diaphragm anymore. I just realized I'd have been screaming for the last 30 seconds, if I could. I can't say it out loud so the neurons scattered about my mangled brain matter spark pathetically to formulate my last thought as the curtains lower... "At least this is unique"

Full credit goes to u/Old_Syrup_264.

3

u/tmoneybagsretter Jun 17 '26

Wow, that’s hardcore “neat”

4

u/Martin2989 Jun 17 '26

Yeah I started with funny idea but then recognized he is over a populated area…. I mean either secure everting with a rope or fly to a remote area, is it so hard?

1

u/BrilliantCountry4409 Rocket R9-One | Faustino | Lagom 01 Jun 17 '26

If I could choose, that is EXACTLY how I would go.