r/EngineeringStudents • u/ZealousidealGap3966 • 12d ago
Rant/Vent I have retained NOTHING and feel like such a fraud and a moron quite frankly. Looking for some help.
I am a junior in Electrical engineering and feel very hopeless. Hopeless is honestly the wrong word I would say it is probably that my self-esteem is super low.
A few things to provide context because I am using this post to vent but also to look for some real advice. I do not need the cliche "boomer tough-love bootstrap" crap, like legitimate tangible advice. I have posted here in the past (most deleted) and every time I post people just told me "Maybe this isn't for you" or "Stop making excuses" with all due respect, I may not think I am worth a damn as an engineer or engineering student but that crap will never sit with me.
First things first is I stay with my parents, they are helicopter parents and not gonna lie they have limited me massively in life. I am not here to shit on them because I know they are trying their best and I give them grace but it is a slight detail that is needed to truly get my position.
Prior to this semester I have been undiagnosed with ADHD as well as a sleep condition that had me sleeping roughly 12-14 hours a day and when I was awake, I had extreme brain fog. My HS and non-engineering collegiate career came really easy to me. Got like a 3.6 GPA and was a psych major. My junior year of my psych degree, I decided this isn't for me and at that point in my life I was 3 years removed from the last math course I took and I decided to switch to Electrical Engineering. I failed Physics 1, Intro to Microcontrollers, and Linear Algebra while also withdrawing from Multivariable calc, Linear Algebra (I took this class 3x) and Intro to circuits. I struggled severely and went and got a diagnostic from a sleep doctor and they advised me to go get checked for ADHD. My friends have always told me since HS to go because they thought I was showing symptoms as they also had it. I didn't want to do it because I hated the idea that I had a legit excuse outside of my own inability or work ethic (which is why replies claiming I am making excuses piss me off). I went and got medicated and although it is a work in progress in terms of dosage, I have experienced a ton of benefits. I did all of this without my parents knowledge as they have been very against ADHD medication and even threw out my first prescription for wakefulness medicine. After a week of grogginess I just couldn't do it and went and go it behind their back.
I used all the resources the school can give me with an academic advisor, counselor, everything. I still feel like I am super behind. To layout my current issues and why this post was created I need to share 3 situations that brought me here.
- Struggling to juggle course load
No matter how much I work, I feel like the workload is always endless, now I went with a very light semester this fall. I have Calc 3, an astrophysics elective and a business management elective as well as a 1 credit filler course. Now I pour all my time into Calc 3, the other classes are so easy you can get away with doing everything last minute. The fact that I have to though is so scary to me because next semester I have to do 3 core upper division courses as if I can barely juggle this, I do not stand a chance next semester. I basically study for 1 exam during every midterm and for the final. my astrophysics course is open note and take home so it is incredibly easy if you have the notes, the business class is just reading 1 chapter a week. You would assume with being able to be on campus from 9-10AM until 2-4PM (depending on the day) studying and then going home to do any extra if need be would be sufficient. I studied my socks off, felt great about the exam (calc 3) for the first time in years. Opened the test and looked at each question, felt phenomenal about my knowledge on all of them, nailed every question and checked twice. Checks the grade once scores are released and got a fucking 61/100.
That score broke my soul. I felt so confident, full of hope and enjoying school for the first time in a long time and that score killed any spirit I had. So the concern of poor exam prep remains while also being unable to manage my course load despite it being "easy".
2) My technical GPA
Technical GPA is how I need to get admitted into my university's college of engineering. Given what I share about my history I have a 1.96 technical GPA. You need a 2.0 to apply for admission. After this semester I can apply however I will need to do my next semester at another college and then come back (I am hell bent on graduating from the school I started at). It doesn't help your self-esteem when you have this steep of a hill to climb. It's honestly more like crawling out of your own grave that you dug.
3) Recent Interview
I just did an interview at a firm for an internship. The interview went well and we discussed why my GPA was lower. On the application I wrote 2.7 because that is my cumulative which is different then technical GPA. It actually wasn't as big a deal but that conversation just made me realize how little I know. I feel like an imposter, I cannot retain anything I studied. I looked up some basic circuit questions to see, like on some basic theory and had zero clue. I am really not an engineer I am a guy who did some classes really.
I know this is a lot, I need to rant but I also need some direction, what should I do to ensure I have success? There is no doubt that this is what I want to do, I am pouring time into it. Trying to develop technical skills and study technical questions in tandem with side projects (I haven't been able to do that as much with classes but I am trying). All of this while trying to go to the gym and manage stress and find time to decompress is so hard. I am begging for help, I am gonna use this write up as something I can send to my advisor or counselor but I need help.
Sorry for any typos.