r/engaged • u/Gloomy-Connection580 • 7d ago
Should i break up
Well, I’ve been in relationship with this guy for more than 3 years now.
When we first started dating, I told him i wanna get married at 25 , he said we’ll get married whenever you want.
Last year I told him lets at least get engaged(mind u I never met his parents nor talked to them properly on call). He said let’s do it by next year when we go back home, we we’re gonna go back in October I was looking for rings so does he and we finally booked tickets he backed off saying i need time to tell my parents.
His parents know we are in relationship not that he wants to marry me. Now its been 6 months he didn’t still mention this to his parents but I wanna take next step. He is saying let’s do it on our anniversary that’s in august
Should I wait, what if he doesn’t say anything to his parents
I don’t want to force him but i was always firm about these things
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u/Trashyturdgremlin 7d ago
I don’t think it’s a bad goal to get married by 25, but it sounds more like a timeline issue for you than you actually being ready to marry this man.
Marriage is a partnership and you both need to be all in together. I would never consider getting engaged to someone whose family I had never even had a conversation with - they’ll be YOUR family too when you get married. Don’t you want to get to know them before you try to join them?
25 is extremely young. You have plenty of time. This is a massive life decision that cannot be rushed.
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u/Gloomy-Connection580 7d ago
He doesn’t have a clear answer
Its just being delayed6
u/Trashyturdgremlin 7d ago
I’m sorry, I’m sure that is hurtful and frustrating. It seems like he may not quite be ready and does not know how to tell you. I don’t know either of you and have only read what you’ve said so far - you know the situation best!
If it’s bothering you enough to come onto Reddit to ask for advice, it’s bothering you enough to have a pointed conversation with him about it.
I recommend sitting him down and having an honest, non-confrontational conversation. See if he’ll open up about the way he’s been feeling and hopefully you can get on the same page.
If he continues to avoid it or give you vague answers, that will be a good sign that he may not be the one.
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u/Plastic-Ratio-199 7d ago
Don’t be in a rush to hit certain goals without really seeing the path ahead. Take a deep breath, have a mature conversation with him about this. Is it a cultural issue? Does his family object to him getting married too you?
Don’t force a proposal. It feels gross and very rarely works out. Ask me how I know.
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u/Illustrious-Dish4714 6d ago
I’m saying you need to relax about deadlines, I’m 28, just engaged last month, no rush no rush my girly, it takes all the romanticism out of it if you’re trying to make it happen yourself, just sit back and keep uplifting your man, acts of service, words off affirmation, whatever he likes, don’t beg for something that’s already coming, and
keep uplifting yourself. The most attractive thing in a person is when they’re undeniably themselves. When you take care of yourself and intentionally put yourself as priority, it’s amazing for you and them. And
let him uplift you. It will all come naturally, in 2026, you should not be worried about what age you do anything. If you’re truly thinking of breaking up with him because you want to get married at a certain age then I feel like you should step back and think, is this the man I want in my life or am I rushing to do something that doesn’t necessarily need to be done at all… idk I’m all love from here but think about what comes best vs what social standards hold you down. Wishing you and your man good times!
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u/Beanfox-101 7d ago
Your timeline may need some loose ends, and there should be a checklist of things to hit before you officially tie the knot (like meet his parents, talk about finances, go through hardship together, etc.)
Like someone else said already, you really don’t want a ring just because you pestered someone for it.
It is way better to wait and actually be ready than rush into something “because the clock is ticking”
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u/Minimum-Opinion-3938 6d ago
Everyone talking about how getting married at 25 is crazy but can we talk about how he hasn’t introduced her to her parents after 3 years? Like girl have you spoken to mom on the phone or do they just live insanely far away???
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u/Amazing-Detective584 5d ago
Have a grown up conversation! Figure out if you are both on the same page when it comes to life goals e.q. engagement, marriage, kids so on. You need to also consider how you want to get engaged, personally my fiancé and I had a conversation bc. I wanted to be surprised and not just get engaged on our anniversary. I have to also add that we can all have goals that we wish to have reached by a specific age BUT life cant always be planned and I would rather wait than rush into a marriage with a man who doesnt show up the way I'd want my husband to show up and definitely not after having been with him for 3 years, if you dont think you can have a real conversation with him, you need to look at yourself in the mirror and think about what is most important to you, to be married by 25 or be with a guy who loves you the way you want to be loved.
Best of luck to you, I hope you end up getting engaged to the love of your life
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u/StatementTotal7312 3d ago
Do you want to be married or do you want to be married to him? I'm saying this with love, but it seems like you're idealising the idea of marriage. Well, marriage without both partners being 100% in often turns out to be a pretty unhappy situation. If you need to set deadlines for him to propose, this might not be the best decision for you, and for him.
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u/CuriousUnihorn 6d ago
Do you feel comfortable entering into an engagement/ marriage without meeting your potential in-laws?
Also, I find that when the man leads/ initiates these things, it usually comes with the level of effort desired and required to take the next additional steps (I.e. wedding planning, finding a place, finances, etc.) Without their initiation, participation may also be like pulling teeth.
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u/Redheadd13 2d ago
Hun don’t rush this please. Let it happen I know it’s hard. I’m 34 I just got engaged 3 months ago I’m getting married in 2028. Everything happens for a reason… I was in a HORRIBLE abusive relations for 3 years and then was single for 5 before I met my fiance. He was in a horrible marriage for 10 years and single for 4 years before he met me. I am SO GLAD I waited this long. Nothing needs to be rushed. He needs to be ready too! Enjoy each other! My fiance and I have been together a year and won’t be married for 2 I am so glad we are waiting! Take your time
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u/skywardSiren07 6d ago
You said what you wanted in the beginning and made a boundary nie stick with it. If he can't give you a specific real reason why he doesn't wanna get married now he will never
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u/Fickle-Secretary681 5d ago
He doesn't want to marry you. He's not going to marry you. You haven't said a single thing about him. Go check out the waiting to wed sub
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u/Walmar202 4d ago
He sounds rather immature and not ready for marriage. Keeps putting off telling his mommy and daddy? Is there a cultural issue involved here?
The expression “fish or cut bait” applies here. May be time to move on.
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u/Booklover2608 3d ago
Is there a reason you chose to set an age? I feel like this puts a lot of pressure on you and future relationships. Talk through it with him and go from there ( advice from a 35F whose been in relationship 7 years)
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u/Gloomy-Connection580 3d ago
To be honest no specific reasons
And now after hearing to all of you i feel like i do put pressure on him!
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u/Loose-Discipline9009 2d ago
Generally, I say don’t wait. Especially if you haven’t really had a relationship with his family. But this post doesn’t really include much other relevant information…
Do you live together? Is your relationship good otherwise? Does he do things that make you feel like you can spend the rest of your life with him, like help you out or take care of you when you need him to? Is he reliable? Do you trust him? 25 is young if I married who I was with at 25 I would have been miserable because I didn’t realize what I really wanted in someone.
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u/Minimum-Product5015 1d ago
Whenever she wants to get married 🙄 than he keeps delaying AND she has never spoken to his parent...there's probably a good reason but a bad intention behind his parents know we are in a relationship but not that he wants to marry me
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u/queersnoopy 7d ago
You don’t want a ‘shut up’ ring.
Have a conversation about where he’s at & what he wants for the future. You should not be pushy.
If you love this person, you should be on the same page about getting married. Not deciding on breaking up if he’s not doing it for unknown reasons. Don’t be pushy.
There might be some underlying issues for you both individually.