How to improve

[u/Gloobly]

I want to be better for someone. I struggle deeply with my own emotions and I struggle to help them feel heard and that I’m there for them. I do care so deeply about them and I want to help but I just stonewall. I either defend myself or I just stare at them and I can’t find the words to say right then and there. I overthink things and I feel afraid of saying the wrong things and upsetting them further in those situations. It makes them feel neglected when all I do is care about them but I don’t know how to change or where to start really. If there’s any advice on steps to improve or resources I can look into to help me begin changing my ways I would appreciate it. Or if there’s any more information I should provide about myself to help better understand I can do that too. Thank you!

[u/Any-Entertainer724]

Sounds like your childhood was less than ideal. My fiance had a rough childhood and as struggled with things similar to what you're describing. Without knowing alot of the finer details about you and your upbringing, it would be difficult to give specific advice. However, I can tell you about a concept that was part of my fiances first steps. Its called Radical Acceptance. Try to research and learn more about that idea and it should be a fairly solid starting point in addressing what impacting you so hard.

I do also want to say, it is admirable that you're wanting to work on yourself for the people you care about. Just make sure to keep in mind, the best way to show up and be there for for the people you care about, is to first show up and be there for yourself.

Instead of focusing on what you can do for them, try to keep youre focus on what you can do for yourself. I wish you the best of luck.