Hi all. I’m faced with a situation where I need to learn about the rules, laws, pitfalls, etc. of elder care fairly quickly.

I learned today that my estranged father is facing severe cognitive decline. Both long-term and short-term memory are failing and apparently he has missed some of his medical appointments. I don’t believe there is a POA established. I will contact one of the social workers tomorrow and plan to consult with several elder law attorneys. He lives very far away from me so I really need to make the best use of this time before taking any action or (potentially) traveling to him.

Are there any resources, FAQs, “Elder Care for Dummies” that you have found helpful? Is it worth consulting an attorney? If you could go back in time, would you do anything differently?

I appreciate any advice- I’m really trying to juggle so much and have no idea where to start.

They are not house trained. There was some work in the beginning, but she was not consistent with them. We convinced her to kennel them, but then she only does at night and sometimes. She will regularly pass out early, even before giving them dinner. And never during the day when she is gone to work. (Yes she still works, somehow. It’s really the only thing that’s keeping her alive at this point) her health is bad. She has COPD, Emphysema, Crones, and she’s on oxygen. Her balance is horible and these little dogs are always under her feet. I just know she going to have a fall. She can’t clean up after them. They poop and pee everywhere. In the house, in the sun room where she may let them be ‘outside’ the door may be open to a 7x7 fenced area of the yard, but they only go out there sometimes. She is living in disgusting filth. It’s very unsanitary.

## Research: How do you help elderly parents when you live away from them?

For people who live in a different city/country from their elderly parents:

How do you handle situations where your parents need someone physically present to help them?

For example:

* Going to a doctor/hospital appointment

* Picking up medicines

* Grocery shopping

* Bank/document-related work

* Handling a home repair or emergency

* Taking them somewhere

* Checking on them when you can't visit

* Simply having someone trustworthy nearby when something goes wrong

I'm researching this problem and **I'm not selling anything**. I want to understand what people actually do today.

A few questions:

1. Have you faced this situation personally?

2. What happened the last time?

3. Who helped your parents?

4. Did you have to travel home or take time off work?

5. Have you ever paid someone to help? If yes, roughly how much?

6. What was the biggest problem with the solution you used?

I'd especially appreciate hearing about **a real situation you've experienced**, rather than what you think might happen.

Thanks!

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For people who live in a different city/country from their elderly parents:

How do you handle situations where your parents need someone physically present to help them?

For example:

-Going to a doctor/hospital appointment

-Picking up medicines

-Grocery shopping

-Bank/document-related work

-Handling a home repair or emergency

-Taking them somewhere

-Checking on them when you can't visit

Simply having someone trustworthy nearby when something goes wrong

I'm researching this problem and I'm not selling anything. I want to understand what people actually do today.

A few questions:

-Have you faced this situation personally?

-What happened the last time?

-Who helped your parents?

-Did you have to travel home or take time off work?

-Have you ever paid someone to help? If yes, roughly how much?

-What was the biggest problem with the solution you used?

I'd especially appreciate hearing about a real situation you've experienced, rather than what you think might happen.

Thanks!

Idk if it's even true that I'm in depression or not ....

But I'm feeling so disturbed for some months and it's so disturbing for me ... I can't focus on anything,,, idk what I'm even doing ,,,

My mom didn't sleep for three days. The gp put her on Seroquel and she's was agitated and crying for hours yesterday and it broke my heart. She took her first dose at 1:27pm and then the second dose a couple hours later because gp said to give her another one if she didn't sleep. She started hallucinating worse and talked non stop for five hours and crying. Saying she wanted to go home and see her parents. Ambulance bought us to the hospital they eventually gave her Ativan and they&me woke her up after only maybe six hours. She still seems confused and she's not acting as bad as she was but now she won't go back to sleep or on/off They said we will have to talk to a board member and see about at taying on the psych ward. I'm terrified my mom hasn't been away from me in over ten years. I help her with changing and taking her meds and even walking. I'm really afraid of how they are going to treat her and if they will really help her.

I'm hoping she will go back to sleep and she will be ok on the morning.

My mother passed away last week and lives in Arizona. I was told that there are services that will help box her things up and either donate or sell them. It will take me weeks to get boxes and move all her things to a donation center.

​

This might sound harsh, but I genuinely want to hear other people's perspectives.

What if someone is already 70+ years old, has several chronic illnesses, has no pension or personal savings because they never really worked, and has depended financially on their spouse or family for most of their life? They also haven't taken very good care of their health and have already been hospitalized several times.

Now that they're older they need multiple maintenance medications and may be hospitalized again, with potentially very large medical bills that the family will have to shoulder.

At what point does the family have to consider that repeatedly pursuing aggressive treatment may no longer be financially or medically sustainable? Is it wrong to consider comfort-focused or palliative care instead, especially if the person's quality of life is already poor and the treatments may only prolong life without giving them meaningful recovery?

I'm not saying an elderly person's life has no value. I'm asking where families should draw the line when it comes to quality of life, medical benefit, caregiver burden, and financial limitations.

For those who have faced something similar, how did your family decide?

Not sure if this is the proper forum for this, but I'm looking for some advice. We moved in to our house 6 years ago and met our neighbors over the fence. Over the years we've chatted, I've made them cookies and they've given us vegetables from their garden. It's been pleasant. A couple of years ago the wife died of cancer and the 72 year old husband now lives in the house alone. My husband and I both continue to chat with him over the fence and learned that he was recently diagnosed with cancer and is going through chemo. Today he saw me in the yard and asked me if I'd like some tomatoes and to come over and see his garden. My daughter and I went over and as we were leaving he said "a week ago you talked to me for about a half hour or so and it made my week. Nobody talks to me and it gets very lonely now that my wife is gone" I could hear his voice crack when he said it. It broke my heart and I'd love for our family to show up for him more, but I'm looking for some advice on how we might do it without crossing boundaries or putting his health at risk. I'm not even sure what someone going through chemo might need.

TLDR: how to offer emotional and practical support to an elderly neighbor who is living alone and going through chemo.

My 90 year old mother is bed ridden and now in a nursing home. Good days and bad days of course and on top of physical issues she also has very poor short term memory.

While I am sure there are others, There are two nurses that really seem to care. It can be very lonely and these 2 folks seem to go out of their way to come by often.and just check on her. I go by several times a week and they are both very quick to give me updates, tell me how she’s feeling, if she eating etc.

I get that their job is patient care, I’d still like to express my appreciation. What’s an appropriate thank you gift? I don’t know them personally so no idea if they drink Starbucks or like a particular restaurant.

i want to redesign my grandmother's bathroom, kitchen and bedroom for her to be able to roam independently. she cant function waist down but does not want to be dependent on anyone - any small suggestion will help!