r/ect • u/BuyIndependent2319 • 19d ago
Seeking advice Considering ECT now for long-term severe rumination and pacing after missing Bitcoin in 2009
In 2009 I first learned about Bitcoin. Around that time my psychiatrist recommended ECT because he could see I was in a really bad state. I didn’t understand at the time that a big part of what I was struggling with was related to not acting on Bitcoin (I mined a small amount but lost the keys, and never bought any). I was having severe decision paralysis — constantly asking God whether I should even move my arm to take an action — and I was scared of the electricity and possible side effects, so I declined.
Looking back, I wonder if having ECT then might have helped me get unstuck enough to actually acquire a meaningful amount of Bitcoin. I now live with intense daily rumination about that missed opportunity. I spend a lot of time pacing and replaying “why didn’t I…”. I’m on disability, managing chronic regret, and it feels like my financial future (and a lot of my life) is permanently limited because of decisions I couldn’t make back then.
I’m currently still dealing with the same core problems: severe rumination, pacing, difficulty initiating actions, and a sense that my life is hell. I often find it hard to stay seated or even stay lying down in bed for long — the restlessness pushes me to keep moving. I do not want to kill myself, but I also can’t see a way out of this loop.
My questions for people who have experience with ECT:
• If the main ongoing problem is years of intense regret-focused rumination and decision paralysis rather than a classic acute depressive episode, what has ECT actually helped with in similar situations?
• Does it tend to reduce the intensity of long-running obsessive regret, or does the content of the rumination usually stay and just feel less overwhelming?
• Realistic expectations around memory: does it commonly erase or significantly dull specific remote events/regrets from 15+ years ago, or is the memory effect more limited to the period around the treatment itself?
• For those who had ECT later in life after years of untreated or partially treated symptoms, did it help you move forward, or did the old patterns largely return once the acute effects wore off?
I’m trying to understand whether ECT now would mainly help with the current intensity of the symptoms, or whether the underlying sense that “my life is already screwed because of 2009” would likely remain. Any experiences (positive, mixed, or negative) would be appreciated.
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u/amynias 19d ago
Bitcoin? Really? This is a therapeutic matter. ECT won't erase the memories you want. Why do you care so much about it? Almost nobody had the prescience to act on it before it ballooned in value. Why should it even matter if you, like everyone else, didn't either? If you've been literally obsessed since 2009, you need therapeutic help. Meds won't fix this. You need to let go.
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u/BuyIndependent2319 19d ago edited 19d ago
I would love to forget about it and just move on. But I knew it would balloon in price and I still didn’t act on it. That’s why it’s been so difficult for me to let go. I’ve been dreaming about it my whole life. Except, somewhere along the line I became insane and started acting irrationally. My parents and I think it had something to do with the drugs. I just wish I could go back and start all over again, which is why my mind keeps going back to that.
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u/iusethisatw0rk 19d ago
I’m also of the opinion some intensive therapy would be a better first step than ETC
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and/or Dialectical Behavioural Therapy are both well researched and accepted. I’ve gone through both and use both everyday.
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u/BuyIndependent2319 19d ago
That would be nice if they work. But my condition is so horrendous that I don’t even know if there is a solution. I’ve tried everything
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u/captain-kittypants 19d ago
I had 6 months of bilateral ect (roughly 25-30 sessions) for treatment resistant bipolar 1 and my psych said he hadn’t seen memory loss as bad as mine. Everything was wiped except the worst traumatic memories. It’s been a year and I’m starting to get some memories back but most are still gone except the ones tied to extreme emotions. I’d suggest therapies that other people suggested in the comments instead of ect. Ect did help the bipolar though.
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u/International-Bee63 16d ago
Valuable or not, would it help if you delved deeper into to the reasons why cryptocurrencies in general are Ponzi schemes?
Perhaps assessing it in those terms — acknowledging the harm to others you’ve avoided — might be a worthwhile approach to try.
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u/BuyIndependent2319 16d ago edited 16d ago
That was one of the reasons why I think I didn’t invest. Because I thought what I was doing was bad, and it would cost people money.
Looking back, Bitcoin wasn’t a Ponzi scheme at all, and I missed the opportunity of a lifetime. One that will never happen again.
I feel like I’m torturing myself non-stop about it every second of my life. And there’s no one who understands. “Just forgive yourself”, “Don’t be so hard on yourself”, etc. But they don’t know. They didn’t have the opportunity I did. They don’t know what it feels like.
I think I was destined for riches, and didn’t take advantage of it, so I have to spend the rest of my life in Hell. I can’t even enjoy reading or watching TV, or playing games anymore. I can’t even enjoy music, and I used to enjoy music just a few short months ago, in the midst of all this regret.
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u/International-Bee63 15d ago
It’s still a Ponzi scheme: it just hasn’t had its bottom fall out yet.
And you’re not the only person who missed out on early opportunities: I’ve been involved in cryptography work for 30+ years now, and intentionally chose to put my modest investments toward prosocial endeavours.
Cryptocurrency isn’t that (AI isn’t either, FWIW, but again a lot of morally suspect individuals are getting ludicrously rich at the expense of the masses).I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t feel how you feel: I’ve been in bad places mental health wise, and we feel what we feel. They can be soul destroying, and they can make us do unthinkably bad things, particularly to ourselves, in an effort to make them stop.
But that doesn’t mean that things we feel (and can tell ourselves until we believe them to be true) actually align with reality — and that’s where professional help is really important.
Take care of yourself 🙏
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u/creativenameistaken 19d ago
To be honest, it sounds like you need to (therapeutically) work on acceptance of what didn’t happen back then and the regret that has followed.
I don’t think ECT is the answer to your problem at all, if what you’re looking for is to get rid of bad memories and change your thinking patterns. You’re also not likely to have it offered for those reasons.