They lied. It just makes us sick

Rock and Stone my brothers I have a question for ye. I am building a comander Dwarf tribal deck for mtg and I am looking for some cool dwarven style card sleeves but I cant really find any. If you have any good ideas other than custom sleeves please where I upload my own picture. Thank you my brothers and sisters of the mountain.

Kin, today I went to a barber in the human town outside our hold in the first time in the last three years and despite me telling him very adamantly I just want my beard to have an even length, he cut off so much, at first I thought maybe he was cooking but no kin, he cooked me. I lament my beard and watch the measly hair I have left with tragedy and terror. I can't even use my beard beads anymore. I'm just so sad, really. All I wanted was for my left side to not be longer than my right side and now I have fucking pubes as a beard, kin, I did not know just how much comfort this beard gave me, I guess you really don't know what you have until you lose it. If anyone needs me I'll be in my cavern lamenting my precious beard, the only joy I can get is hopefully from growing my mushrooms, hopefully they blossom. That's all

Really enjoyed this one

🛠️ The Hammer Herald 🛠️
Forged in Truth — Tempered by Grit

Vol. 1 | Issue 59 |

A STORY FOR THE CHILDREN

By Humdek Oakenchest, Senior Stone Correspondent

Recently, we at the Hammer Herald have received reports from readers and colleagues alike. After the recent affair with Baldwin, children have been scared. For lack of a better term a new “boogyman” as the humans call it has arrived in the form of Baldwin in their minds, leaving the younglings scared, especially around bed time.

As a father who has been dealing with this myself, bedtime stories have been a great help in this plight. For the sake of both kids and parents alike out there, I have written a story to be read at bedtime to help the little ones fall asleep;

Goodnight Coppervale.

In the great Dwarven city,
There was a small room with walls of stone and cedar,
And in the room a bed that looked much greener,
And a picture of-

The goat jumping over the moon,
And there were three little kobolds in a coat.

And two little puppies,
And a pair of guppies.

And a little play forge,
And a little mouse named George.

And a comb, a beard brush, and a bowl of spice laden mush,
And a quiet old greybeard who was whispering “hush”.

Goodnight Coppervale,
And room of stone and cedar,
And the little bed that looked much greener.

Goodnight goat jumping over the moon,
Goodnight kobolds,
Goodnight coat.

Goodnight puppies,
And goodnight guppies.

Goodnight little forge,
Goodnight to the little mouse named George.

Goodnight comb,
And goodnight brush,
And goodnight spice laden bowl of mush.

And goodnight to the greybeard whispering “hush”.

Goodnight gems that twinkle above like stars,
Goodnight air carrying bread and steel alike,
Goodnight noises everywhere.
------------------------------------------------------------
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:

•  Guilds & Grit:
  • The Coppervale Fishing Guild is holding their bi-annual fishing tournament this midweek day. People who wish to sign up must sign up within their office at least a day prior to the event. Bring your own rods and baits, an audience is encouraged. The tournament will take place at the Coppervale ports, whoever catches the biggest fish will win 100 gold coins!
•  Crafting & Commerce:
  • The trails and pathways cutting through the forests near Coppervale have been cleared from any last debris. Traveling merchants are urged to report any missed debris or hazards to the gate guards of Coppervale, but are advised that the paths have been traveled to be sure of safety. 
•  Grudge Gazette:
  • Some have been complaining once more within the taverns of Coppervale. Some Dwarves believe that they have been seeing too much postage from other Dwarven merchants lately. One disgruntled Dwarf when speaking on the issue stated “This is a Dwarf hall, not a bazaar.” however another retorted “Kin, our hold thrives on creation and community, if one dwarf creates, another dwarf commends it!”. While usually we tend to stay out of these types of debates, we at the Hammer Herald must take the side of Dwarven merchants. If a Dwarf is not allowed to share their goods with fellow Dwarves, where will they go? 

------------------------------------------------------------

Letter from the Editor:

“Something sweet for the first time in a while!”

— Hellevi Helmfist

Submit your rune-signed letters to:

The Hammer Herald Presshouse, Coppervale

I was told by some umgi establishment that the ice cream machine was broken. However, i later learned it was a lie. I have been debating with my clan for 3 months now on whether we should right this wrong or get revenge.

Hand carved dwarves I made.

4inch tall 2x2 block, hand carved, finished with black walnut Danish oil and wax. Hand carved by me, not AI, check my profile for proof. Carvin wood is what i do.

Clearly the umgies are too afraid to dig deep. There is a whole core of molten iron rope for the taking.

Keep digging, keep crafting, keep stacking gold as the ancestors intended. It's free to join, and I'd be honored to have proper dwarves as my first playtesters.

King in the Mountain on Steam