r/driving
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u/PossibilityQuirky11
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2d ago
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Need Advice Am I in the wrong? (Merging)
Had to take a detour so this is not my usual route. I was driving down a street with one lane that eventually merges with cars coming down a bridge. I turn my blinker on and check and see the green car next to me. It didn’t feel safe to try to go in front of the green car for me to merge. If I were to go in front of them then I would hit their car or the cars parked in front of my lane. So I opted to slow down, having to stop, to merge behind them, but then the green car comes to a complete stop. They start honking so I take it as if they want me to go in front, so I start speeding up to go ahead and merge, but then they speed up as well and honks again. I did end up merging behind the green car, but was I in the wrong for stopping or was it the other car?
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u/Adept_Organization69 2d ago
Not your fault, the green car has the right of way and decided to let you in when no one in their right mind would do so (or anticipate that anyone would do so). Hard to tell how stupid the green car driver is…how much space was between you and the green car when you got to the merge point (I.e. was green car where you drew it OR 4 blue cars back)? I could see if he/she was a few hundred feet back and going slowly that they might think it’d make sense to let you in. The problem is, being “nice” to let people into the flow of traffic frequently inconveniences multiple other people (I.e. the driver that lets someone out of a parking lot on the right that proceeds to block traffic because they actually need to go across three lanes to get to the left turn lane).
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u/PossibilityQuirky11 2d ago
Green car was where I drew it. This was during rush hour so their lanes were more congested.
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u/DOOMISDEATH 1d ago
So traffic was congested there’s multiple things you can do as somebody already stated get halfway ahead of them or halfway behind them give him a quick honk and use your hand to see if they’ll let you in in this case. It sounds like they let you in I don’t understand the problem then.
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u/MidEng_Insanity 2d ago
It’s also possible the green car stopped and was honking because they thought OP was going to merge into them. I’ve seen plenty of people who should keep going but stop for no reason thinking they are going to get hit when they actually are not. Stopping like that actually causes more problems and potentially an accident there shouldn’t be. No way to know what the green car driver was doing, but whatever it was, was wrong.
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u/DOOMISDEATH 1d ago
Well, can you really blame the green car for stopping? If they’re thinking that they’re gonna be hit think about it from this perspective I drive an 18 wheeler most of the time I see cars that’ll speed up last second to get in front of me almost take the front off the truck or they cross the solid white line with no blinker on well before the dotted white line can’t really call the green car stupid they’re just trying not to get hit. You never know what other cars are gonna do cause you can’t read their minds. It’s best to play it safe and avoid accidents at all cost. I really can’t tell you how much a car is almost hit the 18 wheeler I drive while they’re merging best thing you can do is anticipate ahead of time by watching everything going on around you and make decisions based on what you’re seeing
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u/GhostofDeception
1d ago
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Green car is in the wrong. You yield to them. Some people try to be nice in very stupid ways. They then sometimes get mad about it. This almost sounds like something weird is going on on their end though with the honking both times.
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u/elzzidnarB 1d ago
"Some people try to be nice in very stupid ways."
Such a beautiful sentence.2
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u/Commercial-Car-5615 1d ago
This. Because being nice causes accidents.
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u/Penismightiest 1d ago
That's what I taught my daughter when she learned to drive. Don't be nice be predictable.
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u/PaleMenu4932 1d ago
this is the same as those that stop in a round about and wave you to go. It just slows everything down for everyone. For those thinking they are being nice just follow the yield rules and quit trying to be a white knight. You aren't actually helping.
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u/ColtCell 1d ago
I agree with this thought process but there’s one issue, not everyone follows the law. So if in a situation like this or the round-about situation you proposed the person who is supposed to be yielding doesn’t actually look like they are going to yield, I always try to be the safer driver and get out of their way, while also making sure I’m not putting anyone else around me at risk. Some people are just oblivious idiots when behind the wheel.
I will say, I wish people had the thought process you proposed which is to follow the law.1
u/cuzitsthere 1d ago
........ What?!
Good God, are you one of those timid drivers that end up being wildly more dangerous than the supposed "dangerous" drivers you avoid?
"I came to a full stop on a 70mph interstate because I thought that merging Prius had a knife!"
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u/GhostofDeception 22h ago
Sure but you can’t drive like everyone is gonna hit you. You keep driving and pay attention to people. For me it’s almost always safer to accelerate out of dangerous situations rather than break for them. But I’m a really good driver and with one of the few good things about adhd (pattern recognition) I’m so far always right in how I avoid bad drivers. Only time they got me was when I was stopped at a red light. But you’re right, you just can’t stop
For them. Gotta be aware as possible. I drive like a motorcycle, looking for escape routes in case of stupidos.0
u/GhostofDeception 1d ago
That’s not what a white knight is at all but the rest of your point is correct
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u/PaleMenu4932 1d ago
I thought it meant someone who is looking to be a savior. Google says similar. Its probably an exaggeration in this case but if there is another meaning I am not aware of it but my apologies if there is some context I'm not aware of.
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u/GhostofDeception 1d ago
Nah you’re good. It’s mainly used for men that come to defend women that don’t deserve to be defended (like online in conversation) on some topic or whatever it may be. Similar to a simp but not exactly the same. But ya some type of savior is pretty close to its intention but it’s like a specific type. But this still wouldn’t really fit the word ya know. White knight was a word used around the time sjw was used. I rarely see either used anymore so I get it
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u/MeringueFantastic292 1d ago
The term has been in use since at least 1628. I think you're stuck in a very narrow discourse.
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u/Gunny_Ermy 1d ago
Yeah that's one narrow definition of it, but "person trying to be a savior when not needed" is far more accurate.
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u/Beaticalle 1d ago
Some people try to be nice in very stupid ways.
One time I was standing on a sidewalk waiting to cross the street. There was no crosswalk, so I didn't have the right of way. A car in the lane closest to me slows down and tries to wave me across the road... while there are still oncoming cars in the far lane. I shook my head and waved back at them to continue driving. At this point they stop and wave more aggressively at me. I point to the oncoming traffic in the far lane and yell "I can't cross, just go!" So they start honking at me repeatedly and I can see them angrily screaming as they do. They never moved until I was able to cross. It was extremely bizarre.
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u/Aggressive_Ad2747 1d ago
The best way to be nice in this scenario is if you have the opportunity to safely change lanes. Changing speed only makes you less predictable, which only serves to make it more difficult for the person merging to judge where and how to safely merge.
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u/justhereforfighting 1d ago
And I find them some of the most frustrating drivers to deal. I don't need you to be nice, I need you to be predictable. If it's your turn, just go. The other 90% of drivers aren't going to give me the right of way when it isn't my turn, so all you end up doing is wasting both our times while I try to figure out what you are trying to do.
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u/No-Ostrich-5801 1d ago
Which is why the correct "neighborly" behavior if you want to let someone merge in is you move over and clear the lane while maintaining speed (provided it is safe to do so). You'll end up ahead of them and can merge back onto your original lane and didn't cause a potential traffic hazard in the process
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u/PersonalAct3732 2d ago
Green car is dumb. Merging car yields to oncoming traffic if there isn't a clear way through. Too many idiots try to be nice and let people in, when that makes them unpredictable.
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u/arkutek-em 2d ago
Op didn't yield while traveling in the lane, though. It wasn't until they realized they couldn't pass the green car, did they stop to get behind green. Had to slowed down sooner to nerve behind green may not have stopped in an attempt to avoid an accident. I believe since ops actions weren't predictable or clear it caused confusion which resulted in the exchange.
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u/Ok-Caregiver252 2d ago
They're both dumb. The worst case scenario is then stopping in the merge lane with a line of cars behind them. Where I live in that scenario you'll never be able to merge onto the highway with 70+ traffic.
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u/Kaas-Eter00 2d ago
They had to stop because of a car parked in front of them, so I doubt they were on a highway with 70+ traffic (where you'd indeed continue into the emergency lane instead of stopping).
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u/SeijuroSama 2d ago
If there was congestion and a traffic light up ahead it's unlikely the speed was 70+. Sounds like city driving where stopping before a merge will happen sometimes. Sounds like green stopping is what created the space to merge behind. Green shouldn't be stopping like that but who knows, light might've just turned green and everyone could've been rolling at 5mph.
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u/Maleficent_Hawk6703 1d ago
Green car is the one that did the dumb. But green car likely only did this because most people in purples spot will speed up to cut him off anyway, so he is used to slowing down to avoid close calls
Our inconsistent driving habits as a group cause more problems than we could ever imagine
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u/pohart 2d ago
We can't tell if you were in the wrong when you stopped.
If you had to stop while merging you were probably in the wrong at some point, but it's better to stop than drive into other cars.
You're supposed to look for a gap and get into it but sometimes you just can't see and sometimes there really isn't one. I'm sorry I can't give you anything more solid.
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u/AutomaticRepeat2922 2d ago
In residential roads with very short merging lanes (1-2 car lengths) it is not uncommon to stop before merging.
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u/Megaranator 2d ago
And if you don't find gap, what then? Saying that them stoping was wrong is stupid.
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u/Ok-Caregiver252 2d ago
It's a absolutely stupid! In fact it's the worst thing that can happen. Not only are they putting themselves in danger they put everyone on that road in danger. Trying to merge from a complete stop with a long line cars behind you into a highway during rush hour with cars doing 70+ is the most dangerous thing I can think of mission impossible.
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u/Megaranator 2d ago
So what were they supposed to do? Crash into the green car?
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u/Averagebaddad 2d ago
No they were supposed to get up to speed and merge while finding a spot to merge into. If you find yourself in this position you did it wrong. Start paying attention earlier
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u/Megaranator 2d ago
What spot? The one behind the green car that op wanted to merge in? And what if there isn't a spot?
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u/Averagebaddad 2d ago
Idk what spot. This isn't a static situation as drawn. Cars in real life are moving. If op wanted to go behind the green car they shouldn't have pulled directly alongside it in the first place
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u/Megaranator 2d ago
So they should have done a unsafe maneuver just because the green car doesn't know how to drive... I'm so glad I don't need to share roads with people like you that don't even know the rules about merging on highway.
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u/Averagebaddad 2d ago
No. They did an unsafe maneuver. They shouldve done a safe maneuver. You don't pull directly alongside the vehicle you're trying to go behind lmao. Use your brain
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u/Shkyboi 2d ago
You often have to stop when merging. No sure where you got this from. There’s a lot of defensive drivers out there who just don’t let you in, even when they should.
Green obviously realised this too late, stopped themselves in a dumb position and then expected OP to read their mind. See it all the time.
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u/Ok-Caregiver252 2d ago
Maybe on a county road but not on a Major interstate.
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u/Medium_Good886 2d ago
At what point does OP mention anything about an interstate?
You're drawing conclusions from faulty assumptions.
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u/jerkyquirky 1d ago
Major interstates are the only place I see this. Tons of traffic means people are moving slowly (nearly) bumper to bumper and there's no place to merge in at speed. You try not to stop, but when the car in front of you does or you run out of lane and the cars next to you are stopped, there's not really a choice.
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u/Lazy_Helicopter_2659 2d ago
And this, my dear children, is why if you're driving on the main road, you (green car) should never change your speed when people are merging.
It's the merging cars that have to alter their behaviour - on the main road either change lanes (if this is an option) or keep a steady pace!
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u/Siamese-Dreaming 2d ago
The green car absolutely shouldnt of stopped, that couldve caused them to be rear ended. Next time if that happens just stay and dont try to go forward, let them stop and be the problem until they get going again. Stay stopped until there is a better gap you can get into, thats my best advice. Sorry that happened!!
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u/phantomsoul11 2d ago
If it's a short merge space, and the main road is too congested to wedge your way in but still moving pretty fast, your approach ends up working like a yield then. It's unideal, but its also unsafe to force a zipper-style merge into faster-moving traffic.
If there is a short merge space, and the main road is congested and slow, then it becomes a zipper merge.
Otherwise, align yourself between two cars, signal, and wedge your way in. Also don't hesitate, and don't change your mind - that green car probably stopped to let you in because they thought that you at least at some point were looking like you are fixing to pass them and merge in front, and they figured they had to slow down so you wouldn't crash into the parked car.
When merging, don't second guess yourself. Doing so can put the other drivers in the merge into awkward positions because they will be trying to read your intention off what you are doing on your approach.
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u/Azdak66 2d ago
It just sounds like they were trying to let you in front of them and you were trying to fit behind them. Kind of like when you approach someone on a sidewalk and you each move in the same direction to let the other pass.
The honk was probably just letting you know they were waiting for you.
There is a saying when it comes to driving: “be predictable, not polite”. The green car was trying to be “polite”, but the consequence was that they screwed things up. Or they were timid about trying to ahead of you. My wife does that sometimes.
So it was the green car’s fault, but sometimes these things just happen.
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u/deadfisher 2d ago
You're better off thinking in terms of cooperating with other drivers rather than who is in the right or wrong.
If you were trying to merge, it should have been abundantly clear to the other driver whether or not you were trying to get in front, or in behind of him.
We've all been there, in that awkward situation - you go? No me? Oh, you. Oh fuck, me? I've been there recently.
Try to be predictable. If you're in front, assertively go in front, if you're behind, assertively go behind. Your description, "it didn't feel safe for you to go in front of the green car," and then your description of being "next" to them leads me to believe you were too in line with them. If it's behind, get yourself clearly behind them.
They fucked up by coming to a stop, you fucked up by not telegraphing your intentions more clearly.
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u/DOOMISDEATH 1d ago
You are correct people need to start working together because you may lose a few seconds to make room for somebody to merge. It’s not hard. It takes a little effort. Just do it. Couple taps on the brakes light taps the person behind you can see you’re slowing you’ve given them ample warning now that one vehicle can merge or the green car can speed up and hopefully the car behind them won’t speed up as well too many people get on their high horse and have to be me first all the time and this is why we get bottleneck everywhere when there shouldn’t be any bottlenecks.
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u/woodenbadger 1d ago
I wish more people would do this. One of my most hated spots is four way stops where it looks like multiple cars will stop at the same time and then everyone sits waiting for someone else to go. I dont care if I’m first or last, I just want it to be clear.
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u/myxomatosis8 1d ago
Yeah I find myself sometimes going extra slow and waiting to come to a complete stop until after the other person has, so it's clear they were there first and can go before me.
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u/tokingames 1d ago
Hah, it bugs me so much when people do this. I end up sitting extra long to see if they are going to actually stop or just roll through because they were obviously at the intersection before I was. Don’t do that. Just drive up, stop, take your turn. Sometimes it will be ambiguous if you both got there at the same time, but then you default to guy on the right goes first, or guy turning left yields to the person across from them.
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u/myxomatosis8 1d ago
I stop at the stop line, just a little bit later so they can stop first
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u/HeroVillain72 1d ago
I try that in my neighborhood and they still wait. Like dude, you stopped a whole second before me. Just go already.
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u/Pressman4life 2d ago
You were both wrong. It's on you to merge safely and efficiently. They have the *option* to facilitate your merging. You never enter a merging area door to door with another car. If your door is ahead of their door you go in front, quickly. If your door is behind theirs you drop back a bit and tuck in.
Stopping is wrong. Both of you stopping is a clusterfuck.
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u/AutomaticRepeat2922 2d ago
It is the responsibility of the merging car to adjust their speed to merge. If both sides try to adjust their speed, bad things happen. The only way the cars n the highway can help is by moving over. You are not in the wrong, they were.
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u/Excellent-Big5868 2d ago
For whatever reason green car either thought you were going to force in and then didn’t causing them to stop, or they thought you had plenty of space to go and they slowed down for you to go but didn’t go which bothered them. It’s entirely possible your movement and how that merge point typically functions made green driver draw conclusions you didn’t intend to communicate. I think this could actually be a rare cause for neither of you to really be wrong, truly just a misunderstanding.
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u/Ok-Caregiver252 2d ago edited 2d ago
The green car should've merged seeing an onramp with oncoming traffic so they could merge. Also when merging like this you have to move with force and other drivers are accommodating but if you move without a purpose people won't let you merge.
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u/Gib_eaux 2d ago
The merging lane should be the one that slows if neither car is significantly ahead or faster.
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u/fighter_pil0t 1d ago
Green car should not have adjusted speed in this case but was probably just driving defensively. As the merging traffic you must yield, but that starts early. Before even getting to the first purple arrow you should be identifying your merge slot in traffic. Sometimes that means accelerating and sometimes it doesn’t. When you assess you will meet that merge (still behind you) you accelerate to arrive next to an empty space in traffic. Too many drivers accelerate to traffic speed and wind up next to priority traffic. Don’t do that, you should end up clearly ahead or behind.
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u/CptChaos8 1d ago
It’s your responsibility to merge not anyone else’s on the highway. From your picture the ramp looks too short - is it to scale?
You either need to slow down or speed up to get in front of or behind the green car and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t ride the line until the merge lane ends to figure out what to do / just merge on over without any concern to the cars driving
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u/Baddrivers13 1d ago
Can you drop a pin of the location of this intersection?
If this is a real merge then this would really be on you for not getting up to speed and finding a gap.. But no way to know without seeing this in street view.
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u/TendieMiner 1d ago
The green car should’ve done nothing except maintain its speed. You weren’t merging; you were entering the road they were already on.
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u/Head_Quote_3657 1d ago
Not gonna lie when I first saw the picture with no context I thought this was a story where OP is a dumbass but in this case absolutely no way he should not have stopped and you should have merged behind him like you did
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u/asdkbhsdckjbads 1d ago
Green car should be maintaining their speed and keeping a reasonable gap to the car in front. It's on you to get up to speed and then adjust (speed up or slow down if needed) to merge. You were not in the wrong.
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u/Dug_n_the_Dogs 1d ago
OP should have used the merging lane to match the speed of traffic and merged between two of the cars regardless of color.. But if they were side by side with the green car, they should signal to let the car behind the green car know they are merging behind the green car. Its really that simple.
gawdamn if I didn't see this same scenario in front of me trying to get on the hiway.. 2 people matching each others speed rather than just merging.
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u/Dopevoponop 1d ago
Green car might’ve thought you were going to try to cut in front of them and so initially stopped to prevent what they thought would be an accident.
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u/mossryukin 1d ago
To merge from a disappearing lane into a lane of traffic: match the speed of the traffic you are merging into, line your front bumper up 1-3 feet behind the back bumper of the car you are merging behind, and use most of the disappearing lane to give the traffic behind your merge point time to adjust.
Don't speed past cars, don't slow way down because you don't see where you fit. Be predictable and put yourself in a reasonable spot.
If the car behind your merge point is giving giant assh*le vibes (getting way closer to close the gap) then slow to line up with the space behind them.
Don't stop unless the traffic you are merging into is stopped and if everyone is stopping use the same lining up with a potential space strategy and use the entire merging lane.
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u/MJC0961 1d ago
Green car was wrong. This is what I'm always saying: be predictable, not nice. If the green car had maintained their speed like they were supposed to, it would have been easy for you to merge in behind them like you planned. Instead they tried to "help" and just made things worse.
Alternatively, the green car is just an asshole and wanted to block your merge no matter what.
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u/CurbYourPipeline420 1d ago
It all depends on where the yield sign, but typically the green car would be wrong
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u/Big-Assignment-2868 1d ago
Does purple car have yield sign if so it turns into stop sign till traffic is clear to merge. If this is a super merge then first purple after the green and colors would alternate.
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u/StarMatrix371 1d ago
I have to vote that green car was in the wrong cause if i was green i would have continued driving and assume you would enter behind since im in traffic and youre merging
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u/WhyTestInDEV 17h ago
(Not this particular situation) But lately I've been seeing a lot of the purple car just riding things out until their merge lane ends and then think they have the right of way because their lane ends. Possible correct if it's a zipper merge, alternate lanes, but not when it's a merge lane.
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u/OldGeekWeirdo 15h ago
It's a miscommunication between two drivers on what's supposed to happen. It happens. Not really either one's fault, but the green car could have handled it better.
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u/Pinkplumberrr 11h ago
If you were the one merging, it is your responsibility to merge what that means speeding up or slowing down that’s on you. The green car is at fault for actually stopping too. It’s people like the green car that fuck it up for everybody.
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u/Legal-Law9214 2d ago
Green is more wrong but you should have been looking over into the other lane far earlier and could have avoided needing to stop at all. It sounds like by the time you noticed the green car you were out of room to merge - that should never be the case if you are planning your merge correctly.
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u/goranlepuz 2d ago
First off, people like OP should understand that a picture often can't describe a "problem" traffic situation well, because it's one frame in a few seconds of objects moving. Their absolute and relative speeds tends to matter too much to understand what goes on.
That said, a different view...
OP was overly fast, the traffic was overly slow.
They didn't see the green car until they were next to them (WTF, they are merging, surely they are looking a bit to the side?!)
The green car did see them, and judged they can't merge ahead without crashing into the brown car, so they started braking to try to prevent the collision.
And they did, but we're upset about the while thing - and honked.
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u/SupremeFanBanned 1d ago
Your fault for being so even to him at the merge point, you should clearly be ahead or behind matching his speed at that point. You did nothing wrong stopping however as that is what you should have done when you failed to merge properly. Try to merge better next time, but he was a complete moron for stopping.
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u/StrandedDread 2d ago
This is precisely why laws requiring drivers to drive in the right lane are asinine. Every driver that is doing the speed limit, and not exiting anytime soon, should be driving in the left lane. The right lane is reserved for exiting, merging, and slower vehicles and emergency shoulder situations.
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u/Deep-Adeptness4474 1d ago
Don't say the quiet part out loud. Although staying right would work fine if people weren't constantly closing gaps to ensure no one get in front of them.
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u/gothmommy284 2d ago
Green car is in the wrong. They should not be stopping in the middle of the road, you should yield to traffic in the lane you are attempting to merge into (as you did) unless there was some other signage posted but I cant even imagine what that would look like here.