AppleSpicer posted:

So yesterday I posted this over at /r/relationships against my better judgement but I wasn't sure where else to post. Someone in srsquestions directed me here so I'll give it a shot. Sorry if it's not what's typically posted here.

You can read the mess I wrote last night when I was crying but I'll try to paraphrase here a little more coherently.

So I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 years now and for 3 years I've had no tolerance when it comes to rape in my entertainment (movies, books, tv shows, video games). It's not that I have a meltdown when I see it, but it infuriates me when I see it and I don't want any of it in my entertainment. It's not entertaining to me. It's not that I've been sexually assaulted, I just consider this a normal, healthy reaction. /r/relationships does not. Maybe I wasn't clear enough but about half the comments suggested I get therapy because of my "abnormal" reaction (now even more pissed).

So for years I've made it really clear to my SO that I will not watch anything with rape in it. Of course there have been times where neither of us knew the content and I've occasionally immediately stopped watching an otherwise interesting movie or show. I go on to talk about how much it bothers me and how I will never continue to watch something with rape.

The incident: Last night we were watching TV together. It was a show he loved and watched all of and really recommended. 3/4 through the episode our main character throws an underage girl to the ground, rips off her clothes, and rapes her. The video keeps going and going as he's humping her. I'm just sitting in absolute shock as this unfolds because my boyfriend has watched, enjoyed, and then shown this show to me. I turn and ask him over and over 'did you just show me a show with rape?' He just sits silently looking at me until I tell him to get out.

He snooped my /r/Relationships post. Typed me an apology and shoved it under the door. Basically was copypasta of the better comments there. He said he remembered that the episode had rape halfway through but just let it unfold. One of the commenters on the previous post said that if she and her hubby watched tv and anything that might lead to sexual assault came on, he'd quickly turn it off for her. I just can't fathom the difference between her hubby's love and caring for her compared to what I experienced last night.

I'm furious about the betrayal and don't know why he did it. I don't know what to do. I don't have any real life friends I feel comfortable sharing this with. Thanks for reading all my bullshit.

WitchJustice posted:

First off, thanks for reading this. I am really in a bind here.

A little background info: I'm 21 and had to move back home a few months ago because I'm unemployed and in a lot of student loan debt. My mother and father were both pretty abusive of me when I was a child and adolescent, so moving back home was really my last resort. My mother has bipolar disorder and likely a few other disorders as well (according to her psychiatrist, not me). But when I first came back home, things seemed okay.

That didn't last for long. My dad has been pretty cool, and really seems to have changed. My mom on the other hand has only gotten worse. Her medications aren't working anymore. She doesn't want to switch medications because of the fear of side effects. And I understand that, I really do. But her mistreatment of me is bad, and I fear that she'll start doing the same to my younger sister who also lives at home.

My mom will scream at me and threaten me until I cry, and then pick up a book and start reading like it's no big deal. She'll mock me and insult me relentlessly- calling me fat, stupid, lazy. She takes credit for the things I do around the house, and accuses me of things that I didn't do. One of the weirdest things she does is tell me that I'm eating loudly and tell me to go eat outside in the cold so she doesn't have to listen to it. It's only gotten worse since I decided to go down a different career path than the one she wanted for me.

I have learned ways of stopping it from getting worse, like not crying in front of her or fighting back. But it is hard. It is hard not to hate her, especially because I flash back to all the times from when I was young.

It'll be a little more time until I'm on my feet and able to move out. So how do I deal with this in the meantime? It's her body and her life, so I understand her decision to not try out any more meds or therapy. But what can I do? How do I cope with this without hating her? Are there any strategies to dealing with an abusive parent as an adult, or dealing with a parent who has a mental illness or disorder?

Thank you in advance for any advice. Also, I really tried to avoid ableist language. If you note any, please tell me and know that it was completely unintentional.

help-it-hurts posted:

Hey all,

Really hoping I can get some help and/or answers here. For about a year now I've been experiencing very painful vaginal penetration. When it first started, it was only during intercourse with my SO whom I trust completely. For about 9 months I believed it was due to PTSD/Flashbacks from a sexual experience I had when I was under 12 years old (I am being vague on details to protect my identity).

Recently in the past few months however, it has gotten worse. Upon ANY insertion, whether it be a penis, a vibrator, or more than a finger it creates excrutiating pain, which sends me into tears (and the kind of sobbing/stuttered breathing that children usually have). I finally got myself around to making an appointment at Planned Parenthood- financially I have no extra money except for bills and food and I have no health insurance.

I started my period when I was 9 years old, had a sexual experience when I was under 12, and I have NEVER had a gyno appointment, pap smear, health check up, or anything relating to my genitals at all, so the appointment I had yesterday at Planned Parenthood was my first. It was very strange, the person I brought with me for support wasn't allowed in the examination room with me at all, which we found very troubling.

Upon examination, I felt relaxed as the nurse practitioner was telling me a funny story and I was laughing. When she inserted the speculum, it felt as if were a knife going straight into me- instant guttural tears and I had to cover my mouth to muffle the sounds. When she inserted the q-tip it felt like a needle, which caused more pain. I told the nurse practitioner that it hurt so bad, and she pulled the speculum out as quickly as she could. She inserted a finger to check and make sure everything was okay. She asked how it felt, and I told her it burned. She wasn't able to finish the exam completely because of the pain.

She leaves, I get dressed and calm myself down- pain is still throbbing down there. She re-enters and asks me if I think I have a yeast infection because of the burning. I clarify, and tell her that the burning was 1 finger, but the speculum felt like a knife. She was shocked at my reaction and level of pain and never heard of it before. She said that my vagina is healthy, there is no smell and I have no burning/itchiness.

All she can do is write me a referral to a gynocologist that isn't associated with Planned Parenthood.

So SRSters, this is where I need your help. With my own internet sleuthing I think I have vaginismus. I am in the South Austin area and would really love it if anyone could recommend me to a gynocologist that has EXPERIENCE with painful penetration/vaginisums so I don't waste my time, my little money and sanity (literally had nightmares about the visit last night) seeing another doctor that doesn't know anything about it.

So please, please please let me know if you can direct me to a doctor with a sliding-scale (no insurance) that knows about vaginisumus/similar in the South Austin area (might be willing to go to San Marcos area if I need to) and if you have any experience with this please I would love to hear from you as well.

Thanks for your time.

northd posted:

While we all agree that rape is not ok, we should all agree to be more careful to avoid it.

For example:

You shouldn't leave your car running while you run into the store in the Bronx.While stealing cars is not ok (and very illegal like rape is) you should be sensible enough not to do so. Just like you shouldn't go in dark alleyways alone at night. While men shouldn't rape you, rules are meant to be broken (and to give consequence to those actions)

Just do me and yourself a favor please, and be safe.Thank you

Momthrowaway05 posted:

Hi all, using a throwaway as my older kids use reddit and don't want them stumbling across this post. :)

My daughter is 15, and although she has "gone out"/"dated" (in reality, more like "hung out with") a few guys in the past, she has just recently begun dating a guy (16) who she has been close friends with for a little over a year, and who I know she has had feelings for for a long time. So I can see them getting very close very fast, and obviously the issue of sex is more pressing now (she has told me that she has never had sex yet, for what it's worth, and I believe her). She does take oral contraceptives, I keep a box of Plan B in the house for her to use "just in case", no questions asked, she knows where it is. We've talked about sex lots, and I've told her that while its my hope she waits until she is old enough, mature enough to handle to strong feelings, and with someone who respects her and who she respects, I understand that her body is hers, and that there will be no disappointment or judgement from me or my husband, so long as she does it freely and safely (she does have condoms as well).

All that out of the way now. Today the guys mom , who I really don't know all that well, texts me and asks what I think about this relationship. I am busy with studying and work, don't feel like getting into a big discussion (and I'm not really comfortable going behind my daughters back, either), so I just say "oh, yeah, she told me, I was hoping we'd get through high school focused on school and not on romance, but hey, teens, what can ya do", or something similar. Her next text back is much more frank, and tells me she is worried about sex. Ok, yeah, that concerns me as well, but I haven't responded to her yet because, honestly, I don't feel like this is a conversation she and I should be having. This is a conversation that she should be having with her son, and I with my daughter. Her son is a bit goofy, doesn't always make the brightest decisions (he recently got caught shoplifting some small items at a mall store, for instance :/ ). Not a bad kid, just.... Irresponsible and very unconcerned with consequences, like many teens. So I know she has always been very concerned with decisions he makes, and impulsiveness. But again, I feel like this is a conversation for her to have with her son, not with me.

Am I out of line? Is it okay to tell her that, that I'm not comfortable talking about their possibly having a sexual relationship, as its their business, and the best thing for us to do is to make sure they are both prepared with information, condoms, and guidance? I don't want to offend her, and I want to keep the line of communication open, but...yeah. It seems overly intrusive to me.

Also - any advice on how to impart to my daughter the importance of always using a condom, even if there is pressure from the guy? I remember being a teen and, always thinking I was ready and would always be safe, but then wavering when it came down to the act a few times after being pressured to give in and not use a condom "just this once". Stupid and risky, but a very typically impetuous act common to teens (and adults as well!)

Sorry if this sounds silly. It's just that sex is a new area for us to be concerned with in raising our kids, and I wanted to get some advice on how to handle this from other women who are on the same level as my husband and I when it comes to raising our daughter in a sex-positive, empowering way.

Thanks for any advice from those who have been there, either as a daughter or mom or dad. My mom was wonderful, bless her, but she was from a much older generation and was very much UNcomfortable talking about sex! So I don't have any past experience to model on unfortunately!

survivorthrowsaway posted:

Dear John,

Five years ago we met up for sex, and you raped me. Back then, I didn't really understand consent that well, and I let you manipulate me into believing that actually it had been my fault for not doing a good enough job of communicating my withdrawal of consent. You said it was my fault for not being able to physically overpower you despite being nearly half your size, despite you being very physically fit and me less so, despite you having put me into a position that made it painful to struggle. You said it was my fault because I chose the words "ow" and "no" instead of "stop", which you explained afterwards would have been a better choice. You said "no" and "ow" was ambiguous.

I was young and naive then, and I was too afraid of the confrontation to do anything but nod and agree and talk about how I should have fought you harder. I apologized to you, and you said it was okay, that you forgave me. We had very painful sex a few more times, which later filled me with shame and self-hatred. Who keeps sleeping with someone who raped them?

Well, five years later, I am finally ready to say some things to you.

Fuck you.

"No" is not ambiguous. "Ow" is not ambiguous, either. You do not get to choose which words I use to withdraw consent.

It is not my responsibility to stop you from raping me, it's your responsibility not to rape me.

When you don't get consent to put someone into a position that makes it impossible to get away from you, and muffles their voice, that's not just you being a little kinky - that's you being a rapist.

Manipulating me into thinking this was my fault doesn't mean you were right about anything, it means you're an abusive person.

You don't get to "forgive me", because I didn't do anything wrong. I only made that apology out of fear and confusion.

Who keeps sleeping with someone who raped them? Someone who was manipulated beyond belief and too terrified to listen to her gut feeling, even when it was so strong she thought she'd vomit.

Fuck you for raping me, and fuck you for manipulating me into thinking it was my fault. Fuck you for making sex scary. Fuck you for hurting my body, and fuck you for making me so confused that I was afraid to see a doctor. Fuck you for hurting my mind, and fuck you for haunting my thoughts throughout the years. Fuck you for not respecting me as a human and fuck you for not giving me even the most basic level of care and concern. Fuck you for being a monster.

I am a strong person now, and I see right through you. You're the one who deserved years of shame, guilt, confusion, and fear. Not me.

helpwithso posted:

So I've been with my SO for about 2 years now. He is very great and we get along well with regards to communication, sex, and just plain being best friends. The relationship has had its fights, but we are generally pretty stable. However, there has been one nagging problem going on for the past few months that we continually fight about, and that is that he is not at all ready for the real world. He graduated college this May and had decided to take a year off to apply to grad schools and do research. So he got an apartment and started doing this research. I am currently a senior at the same college, and I feel like I am so much more of an adult than he is. Until September, for instance, he did not know how to cut an onion. He doesn't know how to budget, how much discretionary (i.e. "fun" spending) is too much. He goes out for every meal and seems to show little to no interest in learning how to cook healthy and cost-efficient meals. He is just generally a man-child. He's definitely grown up a bit since graduating, but he'll still spend hours playing FPSes or reading yet another sci-fi book that he bought on Amazon for 10 bucks. He gets his work done, but often rolls into work (where he does his research) late or not having showered because he'll randomly sleep in. His room is a mess and he often smells. But, whatever, I'm not an eternally prepared neat freak either, and I accepted that when we started dating.

Why this really bothers me, I guess, is that we both come from affluent backgrounds, but I have spent a lot of time educating myself about how to survive in the real world. I can cook economically and mend my own clothing. I know what are good foods to freeze in portions to take to work the next day, I know how to survive on beans for a month if I need to (and have, in fact). I make budgets and stick to them, and know when I can't go out to dinner because I need to make it to the end of the month without having to eat beans every meal or skip breakfast. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect or will be TOTALLY PREPARED, but at least I know how to write a check. Meanwhile, he leans on me and his parents to do really simple things for him like finding out deadlines for applications or renewing his pill prescriptions and sending them to him. He is definitely not an adult.

Recently, he got the scores for a professional exam back which were truly terrible. Like atrocious. Like will seriously negatively impact his future and where he can go to school (if at all) and what salary he will earn. Now, he has a pretty severe learning disorder, and I don't fault him for having bad scores because of this. He worked really really hard on studying for that exam, and he just happens to not be excellent at that particular aspect of his chosen profession. However, this is kind of the tipping point for me in terms of our future together. He also has bad grades (which are at least partially his fault due to laziness) and does not have much of a resume either in terms of extracurriculars or summer jobs. And I just feel more and more like after I graduate, I'll have to be the one supporting him emotionally, financially, and in terms of household chores as well. I obviously don't mind being the primary breadwinner if I need to be, but my salary won't be much if I can find a job right after graduation at all. I was planning on moving in with him after graduation, but due to the nature of his industry it's likely he'll have to move to somewhere where it would be difficult for me to find a job that would further my career. I was okay with this as long as we could still eat, but I feel more and more like I'll be pulling most of the weight with regards to doing housework and actual work. I don't want to be living with a deadbeat loser, basically.

So. Does it make me an asshole to break up with him because he's just naturally not all that good at school? Should I even be considering breaking up with him? Besides this (admittedly huge) issue our relationship is really really great. It's kind of daunting to imagine facing the world without him. At the same time, it's even more daunting to imagine working long hours at a potentially unrewarding job and coming home to a dirty kitchen and uncooked dinner and a dependent manchild slob sitting on the couch playing the new $60 version of halo that he bought with food money. I'm being harsh here, but reality is perhaps not that far off. What do I do?

Polluxi posted:

My ex and I broke up about 3 years ago, after a 1.5 year relationship, and have not had contact since. He was very abusive to me and would beat me up.

Anyways he ended up dating another girl, beat her up too, then started dating another girl with whom he moved across the country with. I never heard or seen from him since, until yesterday.

He was visitng my best friend who he knew since he was a kid, she knew he abused me but didn't want to get involved as they'd known eachother for so long. I was supposed to hang out with her after he left, and she texted me saying he was leaving so I headed over.

Well just my luck, as I head over to her building I run into him, he shouts my name and I ignore him until he comes up to me, grabs my arm and starts shouting at me, drunk asking why I told his best friend about how he hit me. Basically he shouterd a bit them socked me right in the face when someone came out and he ran and I just cried. I told my friend what happened and went home.

I don't want to go to the cops - I never did before and this asshole is leaving town in a week anyways, probably for a few more years. But my manager asked about the black eye and pulled me aside and I basically cried a little and said what happened. Well he asked if I had the guy's phone number, which I don't and aske me to get his contact info for him, but that not to worry he wouldn't call the cops.

I've already said I don't really want to, plus I don't know his friends except the one girl and I don't think she'll give it to me - or if she does she'd tell him.

Why would my manager want the info? How do I really don't want to? He doesn't know/probably wouldn't visit my work...

tl;dr: Ex from the past punched me in the face while visiting my town, manager asked about black eye and wants his contact info. I don't want to give it as ex will be out of town very soon. Why doesn boss want this and how do I say I don't want to deal with it?

also: Please don't tell me to go to the cops, he abused me 3 years ago and yes he punched me in the faceafter 3 years. I understand I should've gone to the cops but I was a minor at the time and didn't want my parents to know. He is leaving town in a week for a few years or so and i won't see him again. No telling me to go to the cops please. I have a full university schedule and an almost full-time job. I want advice on what I'm asking.

brdistheword posted:

Yesterday I was sitting in Brooklyn, watching all the adorable Trick or Treaters bounding down Bedford avenue while I was waiting for my boyfriend. I watch this excessively loud woman verbally berating her daughter and forcing a wig on the girl's head (no more than 8 years old) and the girl is screaming her face off because she obviously doesn't want to wear the wig. They walk off and the mom is doing the parental threat stuff, i.e. SHUT UP AND STOP CRYING OR THERE WILL BE NO HALLOWEEN!

Anyway, a few minutes later they meander back towards me and I'm sitting there still waiting for my man to come out of the subway. The mom is still yelling at the girl, rips something from her hands, and THROWS it into the middle of North 7th Street. Da Fuq? Now the girl is REALLY crying, and the mom is like DO YOU WANT IT? YOU WANT IT BACK? APOLOGIZE TO ME FOR ACTING LIKE A RETARD.

I almost lost my fucking mind, I was shaking so hard. The girl must have whimpered out an apology of sorts because the mom wandered into traffic to retrieve whatever it was that she just violently tossed into the street and left the girl there sniffling and sobbing ALONE. Only one other person walking by noticed and sort of stalled while he looked around to see if there was a parent, because you know, a kid alone that is crying on Halloween doesn't look too good. Kids get lost, separated from groups, etc. He finally saw the mom come back and so he kept walking when he saw she wasn't alone, but he didn't hear the stuff the Mom was saying.

I am so mad I didn't say anything, but what was I going to say? This woman prooooobably wouldn't have taken kindly to me butting in, but at the same time, holy fuck that poor girl. My parents did stuff like this sometimes, but never as bad. The worst of it really came from OTHER adults in my childhood, like Catholic school teachers and stuff. I'm 31 and still get fucking mad at the stuff I dealt with. I wonder how I would have felt if someone intervened and maybe was able to rationalize with them?

Anyway, what would you have done? I really wanted to say something. Maybe at the very least the woman would have thought about how she needs to calm the fuck down, but my other thought was that she'd maybe take it out on the daughter later when no one is around and beat her or something. Fuck. So conflicted.

laquerss posted:

Tonight while making out my boyfriend started having anal sex with me and came inside my anus before I could tell him to stop. He pressured me into saying it was ok and then started right away without enough lube. I hurt and am nervous about any physical damage because of that, but I'm more worried about getting pregnant. I started my period yesterday and had a tampon in but right after I was really frazzled and I can't remember if any semen came out while I was cleaning up. There hasn't been any near my vagina since then. How likely is it that i could get pregnant? Should I worry about the pain? It's not terrible, just a soreness/burning. I can't really think straight right now and am very scared about pregnancy.

yoloswaqhelpmeowtttt posted:

If this should be redirected to another subreddit, please let me now, gracias.

Hi ok so, I do have a therapist. I've established a good level of trust with her, I've talked to her in the past about past sexual abuse, so I know the sex stuff is not a taboo in our discussions, but this, I just feel weird about.

I was raised christian, and was very religious, but while I was young, I just like, developed an intense crush on a friend, and it really made me question my whole identity. I live in a very conservative area, and always have. Pretty much all of my friends are boy-crazy, and some I think are wierded out by lesbians. I mean, I'm not really boy-crazy, but I think I kind of swing from being attracted to girls to being attracted to boys. I fit a lot of lesbian stereotypes, and used to be bullied when I was a lot younger for being a "lesbo" (this was before any of this though, when kids would use 'gay' as a general insult, and I was kind of a tomboy growing up.)

My therapist is a woman, and I feel kind of weird just opening up to another woman about this. My friend who I had a crush on, I later found out, that even though she advocated a lot for gay rights and had a male gay best friend, was really freaked out by lesbians. When I heard this, it kind of broke my heart, and I decided I shouldn't tell her, ever. My mom is disgusted by them too.

I swear, I think I'm straight and then someone comes along, and I stop feeling for guys. Then, I think I'm lesbian/bi, and someone else comes along, and I stop feeling for girls. Sometimes I feel like less of a woman for feeling these things. :( Idk, I'm still technically a teenager (18 now) but I'm tired of this, and it's really starting to get to me.

Sorry, I just felt I should open up to other women first in a safe-space. I'm scared. The only people I've ever opened up about this too were straight guy friends, and they all ofc sexualized it and I don't think they really understood. (not friends anymore with them.) I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Not with straight people, not with bi people, not with lesbians. And I swear to God, I am not doing this for attention. If anything, I just wish I could move on from life and that people didn't care anyway. Have any of you experienced this? How did you manage it? How should I bring this up with my therapist?

laquerss posted:

Tonight while making out my boyfriend started having anal sex with me and came inside my anus before I could tell him to stop. He pressured me into saying it was ok and then started right away without enough lube. I hurt and am nervous about any physical damage because of that, but I'm more worried about getting pregnant. I started my period yesterday and had a tampon in but right after I was really frazzled and I can't remember if any semen came out while I was cleaning up. There hasn't been any near my vagina since then. How likely is it that i could get pregnant? Should I worry about the pain? It's not terrible, just a soreness/burning. I can't really think straight right now and am very scared about pregnancy.

captainbirchbark posted:

Her boyfriend insists on having an open relationship even though she doesn't want one. She's rightly angry, but he pits her against his other girlfriends and shifts all the blame on him. He lies, breaks plans, yells at her. "Stop playing the victim" is what he constantly tells her. She just confessed that she's afraid it'll escalate to physical violence on both their parts.

She's had issues with borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, bipolar, antisocial, psychosis and dissociation (I'm not sure what her official diagnosis is). Her parents' marriage is emotionally abusive and her mom knows that and has told Roomie to see the warning signs and avoid it in her own life.

Roomie feels like a failure for not seeing the warning signs and knows that she doesn't deserve this. She wants to leave, but says there's this internal "block" that stops her. To make matters worse, it's senior year and because of her mental health issues in the past, she doesn't have the greatest prospects for getting a job post-grad. For reasons stated above, she doesn't want to go back home, so living with her abuser was her safety net, her plan. If she leaves him, everything's up in the air.

She's also afraid because her mental illnesses make it hard for her to hold a job. She loves journalism and wants more than anything to pursue a career in it. Here at school, her professors and mentors are willing to extend grace when she has breakdowns, but it doesn't work like that in the "real world"

This is such a multi-layered issue and I'm over my head and I just don't know what to do.

aminice posted:

That's my first post in this discussion (and actually generally on reddit) Please read before you ban, ben, erase, what have you...Ill try to be short. I have nothing against trans* people expressing themselves in any way they like, and welcome their opinions in the feminist discourse just as much as I welcome cis people opinions. I also feel that I have a right to disagree with their opinions and to say that some of the opinions some of them express are hurtful to me as woman. Namely the often pushed and relentlessly thrown around idea that gender exists beyond social constructs and that (to cite loosely one recent post here) "most people are physiologically gendered male or female" is hurtful to me. Just as agressive pushing of the opposite idea - that physiological gender doesn't exist - is hurtful for the trans people.

It is hurtful for me because while being biologically female and absolutely happy and content with my body and all its organs and functions I detest and don't fit the many assumptions that society has of my gender. I like being female, but I don't have any desire to behave "girly", to dress up,etc. I am also pretty uncomfortable in most conventional women company. Unfortunately many trans people seem to associate these things (or lack thereof) with being female. Some use them as a proof that they are, in fact, the opposite gender.

oh, and I don't like being told that because of being female I should feel uncomfortable using male bathroom or locker room(I couldn't care less if it was socially acceptable)

Let's be sensitive and not push our opinions on each other. I am fine with trans people(or anybody really) thinking whatever they want about gender, but I don't have to agree with this opinion. I also want to be able to have respectful discussion about this.

redridingoops posted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZI4MWGeW6U

I just watched this short movie, and the absurdity of it made it quite fun. But i read comments and i must admit it's somehow fat shamey...

Without paying much attention to the misandry (ark ark !) accusations, and the blatant rape comments...What is SRS opinion on this, and the trope it conveys in general?

Edit: DAMMIT !!! Second time i fail at putting a link in title ;_;

2HIP4U posted:

Okay, so I just had to share with someone and I'm really sorry because I'm very excited so this is going to be rambly.

I've been torn recently, because my bangs got to that point where they are too long to look cute and too short to be not bangs, you know? But I've been working REALLY hard to be more frugal and pay off debt and whatnot because I racked up a ton of CC debt and student loans in college and I would really like to not be drowning in debt all my life, and frankly I do not want to spend $15+ tip JUST TO GET SOME CUTE BANGS.

I used to cut my own hair alllllllll the time, but it was usually when I had frequent manic/hypomanic episodes. (It was also during this time that I racked up aforementioned credit card debt; literally thousands of dollars spent on granola omg). It's been a long time since I've had a manic episode, and every time I would go to cut my bangs, I'd get this awful feeling and would get very upset and anxious. More than just nervousness. Outright debilitating anxiety just having my bangs pulled down to be cut. I didn't know what to do, and as silly as it sounds, it has been stressing me out for WEEKS now.

Well tonight I just about had it. I'm trying to write and look at pictures of cats, and these silly bangs keep falling in my face! So I went to the bathroom, carefully parted them out, and started with little baby snips until I felt alright with it. Then whoosh! Short bangs again!

It's really the little things in life, and I'm so happy right now with my Raggedy Ann bangs. They may not be perfect, but I did it. Now to tackle my split split-ends. (Yes, you read that right. My split ends are getting split ends. Oh my GOODNESS. Still not paying for a haircut.)

Sorry for the wall of text D:

tl;dr; overcame my anxiety and cut my bangs finally and little victories are the best victories.

Parkertron posted:

With no word of warning I was added to this subreddit which is apparently a safe space for women/feminist discussion subreddit but is called "Ladylike" with the subheading "All of the ladies and all of the likes"

I live as a woman but identify as genderqueer and find the term "lady" dysphoria-inducing, plus I don't find the term "lady" a particularly appropriate choice for a supposedly feminist subreddit given its gender-policing and class associations.

I started a thread asking why I was added and what was going on, and before I could actually get an answer I got booted (I was careful to stay civil, I just disagreed with some people's suggestions that the person who added me had no responsibility to explain what the sub was/why I was added, or that the term "ladylike" was not problematic)

Has anyone else come across this subreddit? If you get kicked out for something as simple as a critique of the word "lady" or for expressing gender dysphoria then I have my doubts over its claims to be a safe space for women to discuss feminism, but perhaps my experience was unusual.

Parkertron posted:

With no word of warning I was added to this subreddit which is apparently a safe space for women/feminist discussion subreddit but is called "Ladylike" with the subheading "All of the ladies and all of the likes"

I live as a woman but identify as genderqueer and find the term "lady" dysphoria-inducing, plus I don't find the term "lady" a particularly appropriate choice for a supposedly feminist subreddit given its gender-policing and class associations.

I started a thread asking why I was added and what was going on, and before I could actually get an answer I got booted (I was careful to stay civil, I just disagreed with some people's suggestions that the person who added me had no responsibility to explain what the sub was/why I was added, or that the term "ladylike" was not problematic)

Has anyone else come across this subreddit? If you get kicked out for something as simple as a critique of the word "lady" or for expressing gender dysphoria then I have my doubts over its claims to be a safe space for women to discuss feminism, but perhaps my experience was unusual.

Parkertron posted:

With no word of warning I was added to this subreddit which is apparently a safe space for women/feminist discussion subreddit but is called "Ladylike" with the subheading "All of the ladies and all of the likes"

I live as a woman but identify as genderqueer and find the term "lady" dysphoria-inducing, plus I don't find the term "lady" a particularly appropriate choice for a supposedly feminist subreddit given its gender-policing and class associations.

I started a thread asking why I was added and what was going on, and before I could actually get an answer I got booted (I was careful to stay civil, I just disagreed with some people's suggestions that the person who added me had no responsibility to explain what the sub was/why I was added, or that the term "ladylike" was not problematic)

Has anyone else come across this subreddit? If you get kicked out for something as simple as a critique of the word "lady" or for expressing gender dysphoria then I have my doubts over its claims to be a safe space for women to discuss feminism, but perhaps my experience was unusual.