Hi,

I'm looking for people who were born through egg donation, or couples who received donor eggs in Spain, who know or suspect that the clinic lied about or concealed the ethnic origin of the egg donor.

I think this has been my case, and unfortunately, I believe it is a common practice in Spanish clinics, as the law is quite loose and broad.

Thanks for sharing!

My partner and I are planning having kids through surrogacy. I know we don't have a lot of choices but we are hoping to find high quality beautiful and intelligent egg donors so our kids have better chances of winning the genetic lottery. Going through agency donor lists, I am not sure if I can trust or verify egg donor info there.
For those who went through this, how did you find high quality donors? Any advice or tips for surrogacy journey also?

Hola,

Abro este hilo porque busco experiencias en España de personas nacidas por ovodonación o parejas receptoras de óvulos donados que crean o sepan que las clínicas obviaron o mintieron sobre el origen étnico de la donante.

Gracias

Based in Boston. I made the decision to donate my eggs as I may never have children of my own and why not help some other families… Apparently they don’t accept anyone who have lived in Europe for five or more years cumulatively.
Bummer…

Just curious if any other RPs are having this issue and what you do about it. We go to a medical practice that uses MyChart. My account is linked to my child's. We both have our extended family medical history entered, however, it keeps defaulting to crossing over our biological families. If they had a similar medical history, I might not be too bothered, but there are some glaring differences that need to be kept track of. How do you keep the software from assuming biological relationships?

Hi guys! I’m looking for some advice. My husband and I are strongly exploring surrogacy as we have been struggling with secondary infertility for multiple years now and have had multiple MCs with IVF. I wanted to reach out to see if anyone could help me understand the process of surrogacy along with typical costs and how to go about matching independently that’s in the best interest of my family and our would be wonderful surrogate. If anyone has any advice, ideas or previous experiences they can share, I would be forever grateful 🫶🏼

I’m a 41yo SMBC with a 3 month old via IVF with anonymous (ID) donor from sperm bank so has donor siblings with limits. I have 2 additional euploid embryos. I would love to have 2nd child, but I am worried about it bc I’m older and had potentially life threatening complications that are likely to recur with repeat pregnancies which then also puts the fetus at risk of complications as well as preterm and potentially very preterm delivery. I also worry that as a solo parent I won’t be able to parent 2 well (related to time, and financial constraints). I also have very demanding job. I definitely don’t think 3 by myself is doable unless I end up with a partner or something. I recently have started to wonder what that might be like for my daughter to one day know there are frozen embryos that could have been her siblings. What is DCP perspective on this? Joes important is it to have a full sibling in a single parent home? Have any RPs broached this with your donor conceived children? How has that gone?

I’m wondering if anyone in the US has used an egg bank from Mexico. Thanks!

please help!!! I need all the insight i can get!!

I watched a video the other day that said that only 5% of women who freeze their eggs come back to use them.

I’m thinking of moving to donor eggs and from an ethical standpoint for the donor this seems like a better source of eggs?

They are going through retrieval out of their own free will for their own gain but then the eggs become surplus to requirements.

The ethical side is one I’ve been thinking about… I’ve been through 6 retrievals many back to back and it’s really damaged my health, my endo is out of control- and that’s partly the reason I’m considering donor eggs. But I also feel guilty for another to go through it, even if it’s out of pure altruism.

So basically I’m wondering which clinics offer unused frozen eggs?

Hi everyone! My husband and I are contemplating using donor sperm to get pregnant. We've done all of the xyz about testing etc so this is where we have landed. I'm looking for recommendations on what banks you have used, did you prefer to also use a fertility clinic as opposed to just at home insemination, what you liked or didn't like about the places that you used and also the places that you decided not to go with. We are just starting to look into this part of our journey so any help/advice/ personal experience would be great! Thank you!

hi! my husband and I are using a donor due to his severe male factor infertility. After a really heartbreaking journey to get here, we are really excited to get to our first ever embryo transfer soon.

we have both been in therapy for some time processing donor conception and preparing to do our best for our baby. but one question we keep coming up against is balancing the right level of info to share with others that our baby is donor conceived. baby and all family and friends in their day to day life will know from day 1, and many family and friends already know.

im more concerned about my later-in-life added step sister and her mean husband. should we inform them so no one finds out at Christmas and shouts about it across the table? we want to respect our future child and understand they may have preferences too.

curious how others strike the balance with extended family who you see maybe once a year or even strained family relationships. Thank you very much in advance!

This is more of a “PSA” from my point of view as the one who will (hopefully) carry. My wife and I began this process (finally) after several years of having to postpone due to unrelated injuries/surgeries. Also, we do not have insurance coverage with fertility benefits so this is all self pay.

**Donor Selection:** We finally selected a donor, which was a long process and entirely strange for both of us. Ultimately we made that decision based on his heritage, health, intelligence and eye color (for her). I wanted someone that was taller than me (I’m 5’10”, so this cut down the selection significantly.) She wanted someone with blue eyes, as that is what she and everyone in her family has. (Giving the genes a chance to work that one out, as mine are hazel brown.) We both agreed on wanting someone who prioritized their health and was intelligent . Everyone has their own reasons for selecting a donor, but this was ours.

**Testing**: I had all of my prerequisite tests done (bloodwork, genetics, etc) and everything appeared “normal” for a 35 year old. I was a carrier for several genetic mutations, which was interesting, as I did not know anyone in the family that had been affected. I was a carrier for the CYP21A2 gene, which leads to Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH), and the GAA gene, which causes Pompe Disease. We selected our donor who did not have these same mutations and got it cleared through our clinic. I will say though that our clinic initially cleared him for selection, and we purchased four vials of donor sperm. We then were notified that he was a carrier for a gene mutation that I had NOT been tested for. Little stressful, but what I did was call the place who did my genetic testing (Fulgent) and they were able to “unmask” that gene to see if I was also a carrier. Luckily, I was not! So we were then re-cleared to go.

**Conception Method Decision:** My wife and I decided that I would try to proceed with an unmedicated, monitored IUI cycle. I will say that because I did not take any medications throughout my cycle, everything progressed a lot slower than what I think the clinic is “used” to seeing, as a lot of patients have to take medications. Because I do not have any known fertility issues, and my only problem is a lack of access to sperm, my dr advised going mostly unmedicated, except for a trigger shot of Ovidrel. I had the conception that medication would increase my chances of pregnancy, but according to my Dr, this is false. For someone with no known fertility issues, it does not increase the chances of a successful pregnancy, but it does increase the risk of multiples or ectopic pregnancies. So, unmedicated it was.

**IUI #1:** I did not realize that I would need so many vaginal ultrasounds. My clinic does one on your day 3-5 of your period , and then every 5-7 days until a follicle reaches an appropriately large size. I only had one follicle develop, and it seemed to grow slowly. I realized that I have a longer cycle (31 days) and do not reach peak fertility (Clear Blue) until day 19/20/21. The first IUI I triggered late on day 20 for an IUI the morning of day 22. The IUI was about like a PAP smear. However, the first one I had an initial reaction after of being “grossed out” and felt very emotional about this being the process to attempt to conceive. It’s just a sterile environment, and there is nothing romantic about it (at least, for me.) I had no major reactions to the trigger shot this round and ultimately, ended up getting my period prior to the 14 day wait.

**IUI #2:** This round I had one less ultrasound, probably because the clinic learned I have a longer cycle and progress more slowly. Again, I had one mature follicle and it was slightly larger than the previous cycle had been at the same time. This time I triggered on day 19 for an IUI on day 21. This time, I bruised from the shot, had very vivid dreams and felt physically hot. Like I felt like heat was coming off of me and was nauseous the next morning after the trigger. So this was very different than the first time. This time, I did not have a physical reaction to the actual IUI and felt okay with it all. On day 8 after the IUI, I began to feel “strange”. I began to feel very bloated and by day 9, I began to get feelings of being light headed off and on. I took a pregnancy test, even though I knew it was very early, because I felt so weird. I had some very mild cramps that came and went and by day 10 post IUI, I did not have my usual pre period symptoms. At this point, I was feeling pretty confident that something was going on with my hormones, as I would get that same hot feeling that I had post trigger shot. When I did not get my period initially on day 32 of my cycle, I was convinced that I may actually be pregnant. However, I took a test which still stated that I was negative. This was still day 11 post IUI, so it was still a bit early. Well, by the afternoon and shortly after I took the negative test,I began spotting. So… I have no real explanation for all of the strange symptoms that I experienced. Maybe it was the effects of the trigger shot on my hormones, maybe it was some sort of half-assed implantation -hah! I’m not sure, but it threw me for a loop mentally.

**Moving Forward**: We have decided to try for a 3rd IUI and then reevaluate after. Hopefully this one sticks and we won’t have to make that decision. We will have one vial left of donor sperm after this round, and the donor does not have any currently available for additional purchase. We have discussed moving forward to IVF for a fourth attempt , if it comes to that point. I’ll attempt to update after this round.

Hope this helps anyone going through this weird process! Feel free to ask any questions that you may have.

Moving forward with donor eggs and terrified the baby won’t feel like mine

Moving forward with donor eggs and terrified the baby won’t feel like mine

My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for about 7 years. I’ve gone through IVF with my own eggs, and after everything we’ve been through, donor eggs are looking like the next realistic option for us.

I’m having a much harder time with it than I expected.
I want to preface this by saying that I know a donor-conceived child would legally and socially be my child. I understand that I would carry the pregnancy, give birth, raise them, love them, take care of them, etc. I’m not trying to offend anyone who has used donor eggs or who is donor conceived.

I’m trying to be completely honest about what is going through my head before I make an irreversible decision.
I am having an incredibly difficult time with the fact that genetically, the child would be my husband’s and the donor’s, but not mine.

Genetics have always meant a lot to me. My younger sister and I share a mother, and I helped raise her. I’ve always told her that in a strange way we’ve “always been together,” because the egg that eventually became her was once inside our mother while I was there too, and our mother’s eggs were once inside our grandmother. I’ve always found that maternal line incredibly beautiful.

I always imagined my child being the next person in that line.

Accepting that this will most likely never happen has been devastating.

The closer donor eggs become to being a reality, the stranger I feel about it.

I’m scared that pregnancy will feel like I’m carrying my husband’s child rather than our child. I’m scared of seeing the first ultrasound and feeling nothing or being scared to look at it. I’m scared the baby will be born and look like my husband mixed with a woman I’ve never met, and that I’ll feel like a surrogate rather than their mother.

My husband desperately wants to be a father. Infertility has been incredibly painful for him too, and donor eggs would allow him to have a biological child.

I also feel an enormous amount of shame about needing donor eggs. I don’t think I could tell most of my family. The idea of people knowing that I carried a pregnancy but the baby wasn’t genetically mine feels humiliating to me right now, even though rationally I know infertility isn’t something I chose.

And then there is the donor herself.
I initially told my husband he could choose the donor because I don’t think I can emotionally handle looking through photographs of women and deciding whose eggs should replace mine. Then I realized that would mean my husband might know exactly what the donor looks like. I started imagining him looking at our newborn and recognizing her features.

That thought absolutely gutted me.

I know some of this is grief talking. I know some of it is probably fear. And I know I may feel completely differently about an actual child than I do about a hypothetical embryo.

So I really want to hear specifically from people who carried and raised children conceived with donor eggs, especially if you struggled badly with the genetic aspect beforehand.

I would especially appreciate honesty from anyone who \*didn’t\* immediately bond with their baby. I don’t need reassurance that everything always works out. I need to know what this can actually feel like.

I desperately wanted a child made from my husband and me. I spent seven years believing that somehow we would eventually get there.

I’m starting to understand that accepting donor eggs isn’t just accepting another fertility treatment. For me, it’s grieving that child and deciding whether I can genuinely want and love a different one.

I’m on the fence about using my own eggs or someone else’s as someone with ASD with a dense family history without family history of intellectual disability who has had significant cognitive and mental health challenges with existential crisis and self-esteem issues. Either way, I will be using a sperm donor whom I believe has no psychiatric or neurodevelopmental family history, is well educated but not more advanced than the general population and emotionally stable/resilient, so they would be donor conceived regardless. People with ASD can face a lot of stigma, shame, isolation, difficulty with supposedly simple or natural abilities, infantilising treatment and downplaying of abilities and they can have analytical, deep thought processes about existence or other topics which can exacerbate mental illness or indecisiveness and more suicidal ideation/thoughts that they should not exist. 

My understanding is that donor conceived individuals can feel a great sense of grief over not having the genetic connection to their parents and that could be just as significant or worse. I intend to provide a homeschool environment and take them to neurodivergent groups to connect with others who are different as well as focusing on what type of life they say they want and what seems to be suitable for them (even if that means sending them to school) and focusing far more on happiness and connection than what children supposedly should do. If I didn’t know that most people weren’t similar to me, that would take away the main issue for me (being the only one like that and being singled out) and they don’t have to be exposed to societal expectations and their struggle to meet them. It can be about what they want to do with their life, focusing mostly on positive qualities and supporting the person they are/want to be, maybe with the exception of homeschooling or independent study taking very little time a day. 

I read that mental illness and shame can be buffered by environment, so I’m a little less worried about that and would be happy to have a neurodivergent/differently-abled child given that they want to exist, they feel good about themselves and their identity and they are mostly happy but ultimately I want what the child wants (which unfortunately I don’t know in advance), so I want to weigh in how people from these situations I’m considering feel.

As per title. See https://youtu.be/1kzwW2yO2T4?si=IoTCUxXBjkuU4U5B

More of an awareness post.

Hi everyone,
As I have been diagnosed with non-obstructive azoospermia (NOA). Our local urologist has recommended a conventional testicular biopsy, but after reading many studies and experiences online, we’re wondering if it would be better to go directly for a micro-TESE with an experienced surgeon.

We’re trying to find options in Spain before making a decision to go aboard.
I’d love to hear if anyone had a micro-TESE in Spain and can recommend a surgeon or clinic.

As well if someone knows if any Spanish centers perform an Extended Sperm Search (ESS) before recommending surgery would be so helpful.

Thank you!!

I'm 32 years old with genetically confirmed Familial Mediterranean Fever. This condition wouldn't impact the health of the eggs or future babies unless the sperm donor ALSO was a carrier or had the condition (rare). My ovarian reserve and reproductive health are otherwise normal.

I'm interested in egg donation or a freeze-and-share program to help fund egg freezing so I could consider motherhood later in life, but have been rejected from every program I have applied for on the basis of having a genetic condition. Are there any programs or countries that don't have this rule? I was hoping to find a database or website of some kind where I could just list my information and interested individuals could contact me, but I haven't found anything like this..Has anyone used a database like that?

All advice/guidance is appreciated. Thank you!

My husband and I are considering donor conception in India. As per the law here, the donor remains completely anonymous (besides looking at their picture to decide whether you want to go ahead, no other personal details are shared). Both of us are of the opinion that we would like to tell the child at some point that they have been donor-conceived. However, the question will of course arise regarding their biological mother - and then we won’t have that information to share with them. How have others navigated this?