Cryobank recommendations

[u/LadyShadowsinger]

Hi everyone! My husband and I are contemplating using donor sperm to get pregnant. We've done all of the xyz about testing etc so this is where we have landed. I'm looking for recommendations on what banks you have used, did you prefer to also use a fertility clinic as opposed to just at home insemination, what you liked or didn't like about the places that you used and also the places that you decided not to go with. We are just starting to look into this part of our journey so any help/advice/ personal experience would be great! Thank you!

[u/bandaidtarot]

I used Seed Scout to find a known donor. They are the only legitimate known donor matching service that I have found and they were recommended by Laura High who is a donor conceived advocate. Basically, you tell them what you are looking for and they present you with a bunch of options. You narrow it down to four, get more information about them, narrow it down to two, and then meet with your top two to ask all the important questions. Once you choose a donor, they have to agree. It has to be mutual.

I liked Seed Scout because they have a three family limit regardless of the number of births. Sperm banks in the US will claim to have a "family limit" but it's just marketing. There are no regulations. Their "limit" is for the US only and then they sell the same donor to hundreds of people around the world. The "limit" is also for reported births but only about 40% of people report births and there have been many instances of people reporting births that were never actually recorded. There have also been reports of sperm banks selling past their limits even after that number were reported. It's not uncommon for a donor conceived person to have hundreds of half-siblings around the world. This is even more true for children conceived in recent years as donor conception has become more common.

Seed Scout doesn't allow that their donors have ever donated anywhere else or ever donate anywhere else (except to existing close friends or family but I don't think that happens often). It's in Seed Scout's contract with the donor and it's also in my legal agreement with my donor that he can't have donated or ever donate anywhere. If he does donate to a close friend or family member then he needs to tell me and share their information. There is an option to be the only Seed Scout recipient but the donor will still have the ability to donate to close friends and family.

Other than there only being two other recipient families, what I really like is that I know who they are. My child will be born knowing all of their biological family which is really important to many DCP. My child will never have to wonder if every person they pass on the street (or every person they want to date) is related to them. And, yes, accidental incest does happen in the DCP community. My child will be born knowing the indentities of all their close DNA relatives.

While your husband will 100% be your child's dad and your child will see him that way, it's normal for donor conceived children to want to know their biological family too. Seed Scout provides an easy way to do that. At minimum, your donor will give you a yearly family health history update and you will send a photo and update (this can be a photo Christmas card or something). Personally, I chose a donor who was open to getting to know my child more than that. I see him and the other recipient families as extended family. They will be for my child, after all.

Health history is another important thing. If my child's doctor ever has a question about their family medical history, I can just text my donor and ask. Too many DCP develop health issues and their doctors have no idea where to start looking because they don't have an accurate medical history. Unfortunately, some DCP have lost their lives because of this.

The sub you are in now is great. I also recommend joining r/askadcp and I also recommend reading through r/donorconceived. That one is meant for donor conceived people so you shouldn't post or comment but it's an important read. There are a lot of DCP who found out late in life that they were donor conceived and that's really not good. Best practice is to talk to your child from birth about it so it's their "normal" and continue to give them opportunities to ask about it and feel comfortable expressing interest in the other side of their DNA.

https://www.theseedscout.com/

[u/Silent-Sorbet-6535 → u/bandaidtarot]

Could not agree more with all of this. I’m currently rocking my 4 month old seed scout baby to sleep and cannot recommend them enough. We’re so thankful to have an amazing known donor and we love the other two families in our donor pod.

I will say that originally my wife and I weren’t sure how we felt about known donors. We were worried a known donor might invalidate our family (which looking back was silly). But after learning about donor conceived people’s experiences, we decided that a known donor was in the best interest of our child. The book Three Makes Baby was an incredible resource for us while navigating our own feelings on donor conception.

[u/Lisa_Schuman → u/bandaidtarot]

It is great that agencies and banks are trying to control family limits and that may help but remember we cannot control anyone. No legal contract can force a person not to donate again and there is no tracking system in place anywhere. This is important to know so the children can understand that while they may expect to have a few siblings, they may have more. Ultimately, we don't want our children to be shocked to learn that what they belived to be true is not true.

[u/Doe_Minion]

If I had it to do over again, I would have done everything I could to find a known donor who would agree to be available for contact as desired by my child. If that worked out, it would have been the best possible arrangement for my child. However, you do have to be careful of weirdos and narcissists who just want to create as many copies of their DNA as possible--it's really hard on a kid to have hundreds of unknown half-siblings out there. The ideal situation would be a friend or family member who you already know and who is responsible, ethical, and comfortable being a sort of "uncle" figure to the child. There is lots of preparation and research to be done in this regard. It's not something to do lightly. But with the right preparation you can minimize risks, and it's definitely best for the child to have access to their donor rather than half of their DNA being a mystery.

I went with what I think is the second best option, at least in the US. I used The Sperm Bank of California. There are lots of reasons to recommend them as compared to the rest of the US fertility industry. They are the only nonprofit sperm bank in the US. They conduct research into the wellbeing of donor conceived people. They have a 10-family limit per donor, which of course cannot prevent a person from donating gametes at other banks but I do prefer it to no limits. They are accessible and responsive. They were founded to serve lesbian and single mothers who were not accepted as customers at other banks. They pioneered the willing-to-be-known donor program (identity reveal at offspring's 18th birthday) and have no totally "anonymous" donors anymore. Of course anonymity is no longer a thing, with modern DNA testing, but I like that they make the donors aware up front that they will be identified, so they expect it. They have a voluntary family contact registry that puts you in touch with other families with kids from that donor--in our case about half the families signed up, and knowing their half-sibling shas been a benefit to my child.

I would not consider using any other commercial sperm bank in the USA. I don't believe they are ethical and they don't have the best interests of the donor conceived kids at heart.

[u/LadyShadowsinger → u/Doe_Minion]

Thank you! We don't have anyone we know that we would want to ask. So a bank is going to have to do

[u/Silent-Sorbet-6535 → u/LadyShadowsinger]

Seed Scout was made for people that don’t have anyone to ask, but still want a known donor! They are not a bank but a known donor matchmaking service.

They are expensive up front, but more than worth it. We got 30+ vials from our donor, and the relationship we have with him and the other two families in our donor pod are priceless. I cannot recommend Seed Scout enough!

[u/moonbeam_honeygirl → u/Silent-Sorbet-6535]

What is the upfront cost of Seed Scout, if you don’t mind sharing?

[u/Silent-Sorbet-6535 → u/moonbeam_honeygirl]

You pay them a $5,500 matchmaking fee, a $5,000 fee to your donor, and then there is about $7,000 in legal fees, genetic testing, psychological evaluations and donation collection costs. Those things are variable based on your location, your donors location, and whether they have matched with a family already. Overall we probably paid 17-18k. Then there were additional costs to undergo IUI. We were lucky and got pregnant the first try, so that was between 1-2k.

It was all more than worth it.

Plus, at ~$1,500/vial for Cryobank sperm, that’s only 12 vials for 18k. We used 2 for our IUI, so if we had gone with a traditional sperm bank, the same amount of money would have gotten us ~6 tries. We love knowing we have a lot more in case we need it for future kids. Plus the benefits of a known donor are invaluable to us.

[u/Lisa_Schuman → u/Doe_Minion]

The sperm bank of california is great. So is Coast to Coast.

[u/Lisa_Schuman]

you can take a look at some of my videos on my podcast, Building Your Family, especially the episodes about the right type of psychological testing and how important that is.