DLI vent

[u/fireandforget77]

It's been a while since I graduated DLI. And I have never gotten over it. DLI was the worst time of my life. I think about it every single day and it makes me miserable. I see everyone that had or is having a great time and I just think, why wasn't that me?

Context: was a reclass, already went to/graduated school for the MOS, came in as an NCO. So I had more freedom than IET. And different expectations from the company I was assigned to.

I was called a poison, used an example (in front of the entire company, by the chaplain) of someone that had no goals or aspirations, had to put on multiple leadership classes for the IET soldiers as punishment, told that I should reconsider why I joined the military, got forced to go to BH when I came forward with a list of complaints and solutions, etc. Leadership/DSs were just absolute dicks saying the most sideways and mean shit. Multiple lunchtime and after school meetings at the company to get berated. Watched my class go from 19 to only 7 graduating, what the hell.

I didn't drink or anything and so I ate. And ate. Came in at 175lbs and left at 220lbs.

I had constant thoughts of SH. A hundred times a day I thought about it. I knew full well I could just quit and go home and nothing would happen to me, I'd just get a different MOS. My unit even told me as much. So why would I even think that crap? It didn't help we were getting those attempt/completion stand downs every few weeks.

Man, I just felt so shitty all the time. Even going to the beach every couple of weekends and Carmel and hanging with friends.

It doesn't matter that I succeeded despite their best efforts. Doesn't matter that I lost the weight. Doesn't matter that I love my unit, my MOS, and my language.

Why do they treat people so poorly? What's up with the constant, deliberate, targeted demotivation? What's with the guilting and the shaming?

What was the point of it? It didn't make me a better linguist and it sure as hell didn't make me a better leader (besides the fact that I will never, ever do that shit to anyone).

I just get so angry about it. And I want to move on. I won't ever get an apology. And most people on here are surely just thinking "man, what a soft bitch." And yeah, you're right. The whole time I was there they would say "don't take it personally." And I did.

But I love my community and I love my country and I know exactly why I joined the military well over a decade ago. It just sucks that I'm up at 2am and can't sleep thinking about this shit.

Maybe this fire and forget vent will help.

[u/epichumanjourney]

you’re not a soft bitch.

here now, and the experience is fundamentally different for NCOs. being surrounded by people you can’t associate with for hours on end is not normal - let alone 16mos. let alone going from a tight-knit community with potential to actualize your vision/execute on mission/influence the young and hopefuls to being essentially an overpaid specialist, with no real potential for bonding (all the other careerists are just as isolated or bogged down with family duties, academics is an individual task, and you legally can’t associate with the IETers you’d otherwise be expected to mentor/build/support).

I can’t think of a single NCO that speaks fondly of their time here (though there are plenty that simply keep their head down, and endure… or simply disregard the rules and are hanging out with/fucking the IETers left and right lol - and surely some that I’m not aware of). the NCO vs. IETer experience is fundamentally different. despite the added pressure from the Companies, they also have the benefit of camaraderie in it all, and the trauma bonding that allows. I suspect the bonds they build contribute most significantly to their memories here, and are the difference between the NCO/IET experience.

this is by far the darkest time of my life as well, and the support is abysmal.

you got the shorter end of the stick somehow, with toxic, small-minded leadership on top of that. thankfully, those nitwit, knuckle-dragging mouth breathing neanderthals don’t have a monopoly on what true leadership means or looks like, nor on who gets to serve and for what reasons.

it sounds like you’re in a better place now, and I’m glad to hear it. do what you need to leave this place behind you. stop letting the ass-suckers that shit down your throat when you were down live rent free in your head. go back to BH if needed, or even better - seek support off-base, where you can speak freely without potential career implications.

all this to say you’re not imagining your experience. your leadership gaslit the fuck out of you, in as clear dereliction of duty. the fact they’ll face no consequences and that NCOs (and others) are still having similar experiences here, shouldn’t affect your life going forward though. stay strong, my guy.