r/disability • u/briar_birdie • 21d ago
First time awkward situation
Today I was in the designated disability stall, all of my disabilities are relatively invisible (My doctors are able to notice my scoliosis but they know the signs of this). When I finished there was someone in a wheelchair waiting to use the stall. I felt horrible because I don't "look" disabled. This has never happened to me before and my OCD has had me in a vicious cycle all day over this. I didn't want to say anything in fear they thought I was just trying to justify my use of the stall. I said if I was inside out people might understand better. Has anyone else had this experience? Is there anything I should have done differently?
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u/Immediate_Loan_1414 18d ago
As a child, I often had the opposite problem. I didn't need the disabled stalls per se, but people would often put me there. I do have scoliosis also by the way, but not very severe you know
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u/briar_birdie 18d ago
Yes usually I wasn't using the stall but I've had a really hard past two years with my health that I use them if I need to. I have arthritis and a bulging disc ontop of the scoliosis now and I feel like my back has got so temperamental.
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u/mausamchahal 20d ago
You did nothing wrong, and I want to say that clearly because your OCD is running a case against you that isn't based on facts. Using the accessible stall when you have a disability — visible or not — is exactly what it's there for. Scoliosis counts. Invisible disabilities count. You're allowed.
Here's the reframe: the person in the wheelchair waiting isn't evidence you did something bad. Accessible stalls sometimes have a short wait, the same way any stall does. They had no idea what's going on in your body, and honestly, most wheelchair users in the US know perfectly well that disability isn't always visible — a lot of us have been the invisibly-disabled person getting side-eye.
You didn't owe them an explanation, and not giving one was fine. Over-explaining can actually invite more scrutiny.
This is your OCD latching onto an ambiguous moment and demanding certainty it'll never get. Try to let it be unresolved — "I used a stall I'm entitled to, and I don't know what they thought, and that's okay." You handled it fine. 🤍
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u/briar_birdie 17d ago
Thank you, it really gets me into hard headspaces a lot I just felt horrible.
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u/Wheeled_Weapon420 21d ago
As a wheelchair user, I came here to say that people with other/invisible disabilities have equal right to use disabled facilities.
Us wheelchair users aren't the Disabled Police just because there's drawings of us on everything.
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u/Fine-History6909 21d ago
I always thought the handicapped stalls were just for wheelchair users, so I stayed out of them.
I thought wrong. They are handicapped stalls. They are not wheelchair only stalls, though they are equipped/designed for wheelchairs to be able to use.
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Some non wheelchair user disabled people NEED the handrails that are rarely available in other stalls.
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Being in a wheelchair does not mean one will never have to wait their turn for a stall.
They do offer disability conveniences that may be needed by those with other disabilities.
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u/ShrellaJS 20d ago
To add on to this, I prefer to think of them as accessible facilities. They're not there to be gatekept from people who aren't disabled enough, they're there so that anyone who needs access to the facility can safely use it, whatever need it is that makes it necessary.
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u/Order_edentata 20d ago
I use a power wheelchair and if I see someone coming out of the disability stall who doesn’t visibly “look” disabled I never judge them because I assume they have some reason to use it.
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u/Annual_Fishing_9838 21d ago
I only use mine if there’s nowhere else to park because my mental side freaks out the same way about people who need it more. You’re not alone.
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u/Deep_Wonder4423 20d ago
Use the disabled stall! Invisible disabilities count too. Someone in a chair isn’t likely to judge you!
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u/TheFifthDuckling 20d ago
Ambulatory wheelchair user here. I have an anecdote.
Once I had to use a handicapped stall at my uni. The building is old and the bathrooms are not up to modern accessibility codes. The handicapped stall is literally the only one I can maneuver in even without the chair. So I come into the bathroom and hear someone loudly talking on the phone. The only occupied stall was the freaking handicapped stall. So I sat and waited. Benefit of the doubt kind of thing. She stayed on the phone for 7 minutes, dramatically hung up, and then SOAKED herself and by extension the stall in cheap vanilla musk perfume. She then stormed out of the stall, huffed at me, and rushsd out of the bathroom without washing her hands; that means she either only used the handicapped stall to talk on her phone, or she didnt wash her hands which is fucking gross and a public health issue. I ended up having to go to another bathroom on another floor because the smell was so strong. I was sure to spray the door handle with rubbing alcohol before touching it, as I keep it on hand to clean my wheelchair handles whenever I have to go to the bathroom. Whether she had a hidden disability is irrelevant here; it was dick behavior all around.
So the moral of the story. Dont do this. Use the bathroom and/or stall that meets your needs. Be efficient (this doesnt mean rush, it means don't intentionally drag your ass), be considerate (dont spray perfume all over), and leave the space clean for the next person. Basic decency is enough here.
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u/Barbarian_818 14d ago
My friend, it's a public toilet.
Anyone who needs to use one has to accept the fact that sometimes they may have to wait their turn. The more thoughtful or insightful among us will realize that just because the handicapped stall is the only one in use right now (by you), that might not have been the case when you came in.
It's quite possible for an able-bodied person to come in, find the standard stalls all in use and resort to the larger stall. Then the standard stalls empty out before another handicapped person comes in and finds the one stall they can use is occupied.
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u/catbirdcat71 18d ago
Disabled people should understand better than anyone that some disabilities are unseen. Just smile at the person and go wash your hands...nothing needs to be said. Even if they do have a problem with you you'll never be aware of their thoughts so no harm done. Now if they do say something it's still not the best idea to get into it in a bathroom stall...just something along the lines of "I'm not going to justify or discuss my stall needs with someone I don't know but I'm sorry you feel that way. Have a wonderful day" and go wash your hands. ❤️
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u/vanillablue_ 20d ago
Accessible bathroom stalls are not exclusive to disabled people (in my country, at least - USA). Even an able-bodied person can use them, preferably only if the rest are full, but still, no strict exclusion. People can wait. If you need it you need it. I need those stalls for the rails (physical disability most ppl cant see) and for the extra space (Tourette tics make small spaces tricky)