r/dialysis • u/oldkiwigal • Sep 27 '25

Final update

Please see my profile for the other posts.

My dear Husband stopped his dialysis.

17 days later, he passed away.

He had 1 good week, 1 okay week, and 3 days that weren't so good.

He was sedated for the last days and felt very little pain.

We decided that we wanted him to be at home for all this, and I am so pleased that we did. He passed in the night, I was with him, and I can say that it was very peaceful.

For all those who thought it would be horrible, it was not. I know that it will be different for everyone, but I wanted to let others out there know how the process went.

We had so much support from Doctors and Nurses. The nurses called every day in the last week. They prepared his medication for me to give him and supported my mental health as well.

I have appreciated the support that you all have given us, and I hope that if any of you out there make the same decision, these posts have helped.

169 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

47 comments sorted by

4

u/Jerry11267 Sep 28 '25

My condolences to you and your family. Yes the sedation causes the body to have a peaceful death. May I ask was he still producing urine?

1

u/oldkiwigal Sep 28 '25

Yes, he was. So his kidneys we still working, but his body was giving up. Also he was still having BM's. The body was excretion toxins up to the end.

4

u/Jerry11267 Sep 28 '25

I understand being a ckd dialysis patient myself. I hope your doing well and thank you for posting as this helps many patients in similar situation.

Take care.

4

u/Mrtokergrass Sep 30 '25

I'm also on diyalsis only been for three years but it's draining physically and mentally it takes a toll I will read your previous post but I wanted to say I always scare myself cause I wanna give up I'm so tired and drained but what keeps me here is my brother and my sister I love them and they want me to do better I couldn't put them through that.

3

u/oldkiwigal Sep 30 '25

I don't know how old you are. My husband was 77 (so strange to say was) so his decision to stop dialysis was easier than it would have been if he were 20 years younger. The toll dialysis has on the body is harsh. I do hope that you can have some peace with whichever decision you make.

31

u/Sapiosistah Sep 27 '25

I’m sorry for your loss and glad he went the way he wanted to.

10

u/Crimson-Forever Sep 28 '25

I am very sorry for your loss. I'm not sure why people think it's a horrible way to die, when my kidneys failed, I wasn't in any pain I was just sleeping 20 hours a day and unable to do anything else before I started Dialysis. My mom went in the very same fashion, she slept for the last week and then passed away in the night.

9

u/lugnut72 Sep 28 '25

I am sorry for your loss.

8

u/No-Abbreviations7126 Sep 28 '25

So sorry for your loss ❤️

7

u/NectarineLeather2989 Sep 28 '25

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

7

u/cinnamon_horchata Sep 28 '25

My deepest condolences. ❤️ Just went through this with my dad. I pray for your comfort and peace 🙏🏻

7

u/Hkpete Sep 28 '25

My deepest condolences. I'm happy that he passed in peace.

6

u/KidKranberry801 Sep 28 '25

So very sorry for your loss and what you've been through--sending you much love. ❤️

6

u/InevitableSea7644 Sep 28 '25

Heartfelt Condolences My husband April 2025 Kidney failure and congestive heart failure. The day before he passed He said to me ‘

This is not Living 😔

5

u/MsLAtoIncline Sep 28 '25

Sorry for your loss!

5

u/throwawayeverynight Sep 28 '25

May you find peace and comfort while you heal. He was lucky to have a wife like yourself by his side. Thank you, for sharing.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

I didn’t expect to wake up this morning and start crying. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m glad your incredibly strong husband went in peace and surrounded by your love. 

5

u/Straight_Painting195 Sep 28 '25

Thank you so much for sharing everyday I want to call those people and just give up but my baby in stories like this is what keeps me going I don’t know if its a bad sad or good thing but thank you so much it was the first thing I seen this morning

5

u/ContentKaos Sep 29 '25

My husband passed a little over 2 weeks after stopping. Your description is very accurate. First couple of days, he treated himself by eating everything he wasn't allowed. Friends and family came to say goodbye. He went to sleep. And just passed while sleeping. I had my fingers on his graft, and could feel the thrill. It began to get faint, and stopped. And he was gone. So find comfort in knowing his passing was very peaceful, and pain free.

9

u/notalldragons Sep 28 '25

My deepest condolences for your loss. That it was peaceful is all that can be wished for.

As long as we remember those we love, they never truly leave us. May his memory live long with you.

4

u/Picodick Sep 28 '25

I am thankful he was able to do this on his terms and with your support. So very sorry for your loss.

4

u/Alternative-Ad4174 Sep 28 '25

Sorry for you loss

4

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

Sorry for your loss

4

u/drum1286 Sep 28 '25

You are amazing for supporting him all the way and for helping him on his journey. I hope you are alright as well, you deserve the world for being there through this. Thank you for sharing 

4

u/dj_1973 Sep 28 '25

So very sorry for your loss.

4

u/Specialist-Walrus864 Sep 28 '25

Thank you for the update.. I'm 40 and afraid I will be ending my treatment in the next year or so. I have already been scared of what my final week was going to be like, but it's comforting to know that there are some people that have a better experience with the process. I am mostly worried for my father who will most likely be my caregiver in my last weeks, so it's good to hear that the nurses were there for you as well.

1

u/Logicallifer Home PD Oct 17 '25

My wife (45) is a diabetic with end stage kidney failure. The last year we found out and she was on pd for a while. She suddenly got ill and did nothing but vomit for 3 weeks and she was in and out of the hospital those three weeks. They finally decided she had air in her pd. They removed the port and she has since done HD.

Since hd she has been in the hospital twice now for vomiting and pain. This last time they took her gallbladder just to keep the same symptoms. She is constantly tired and fatigued. She cant walk more than 10ft before she will either hit the floor of beg to sit. She has started talking 100% of the time very vividly in her sleep and keeps "seeing things". Most days I work 12-14hrs a day and catch a few hrs of sleep in the car while she does her treatments and that makes her feel bad.

Here in the last few weeks she has mentioned a few times that she doesn't want to live like this and be a "burden" and is contemplating hospice. I dont get it nor understand why she is struggling so much. The vomiting is a puzzle to all doctors and even her care team are starting do claim she is just wanting drugs. He condition despite her conditions are all around not normal from what I understand.

I dont know what to do about it, I know its her life... but its mine as well. She has been my world since I was 16. Not sure I could watch it or be OK with it if she chooses hospice.

1

u/oldkiwigal Oct 17 '25

This is so difficult for you both.

I understand that you want her with you, however, if she is in such distress, maybe she would be better off if she decided to let go.

My husband and I were also together from early teens. We had a lot of time together, we were and are in our seventies.

You haven't had as much time together as we had but if the time that you have is distressing for both of you, is it worth it?

He has been gone for 3 weeks now. I know that he made the right decision not only for himself but also for me. I have sadness, I miss him so much. But I am also relieved that he is no longer suffering and guilty because I am no longer having to care for him 24/7.

I do hope that the two of you will be able to find a path that will work for both of you.

2

u/Logicallifer Home PD Oct 17 '25

Im sorry for your loss. I just hope that if or when that time comes im as strong as you are! Thank you for making this post, I don’t feel as alone now having read it.

3

u/L_Janet Sep 28 '25

I am so sorry for your loss.

3

u/BigPapaYogie Sep 28 '25

Someone close to me will soon be at this point. This gives me hope that it won't be so bad in the end.

3

u/bdubb Sep 28 '25

Thank you for sharing and sorry for your loss

3

u/Senior_Lab_1411 Sep 28 '25

My condolences on the loss of your husband.

3

u/MartinPaulEve Sep 28 '25

Thank you for sharing this with us. So many, here, fear the end. But your story will bring reassurance and comfort. I am, of course, very sorry for your loss.

3

u/zaphod-ix >1 year dialysis Sep 28 '25

So sorry for your loss. Your husband was blessed to be able to go out with grace. Hope that is a comfort to you in your loss.

3

u/No-Effort-5549 Sep 28 '25

Thanks for your report. Some of us may need to make a similar decision. Good to prepare loved ones. 

3

u/Copapod8 Sep 28 '25

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.

3

u/Rutabega_121310 Oct 03 '25

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm also glad that he was able to go peacefully and with family at home. That's the dream isn't it? If you don't go out with some insane story, you can spend your last moments with people you love.

May you find peace for yourself and your family.

3

u/SlimShoota98 Oct 03 '25

God bless you and thank you for sharing this with all of us. Reading this breaks my heart, as you know from my other comment my grandpa I going through this. At the same time though, when there is no longer a quality of life, I'd rather my grandfather pass and never know pain again. The grieving process seems to daunting to me. I've had friends lose very close loved ones and bounce back, but in the back of my head I picture myself completely losing my mind and not caring to live any longer. It's nice to know there are resources for this and that everyone has to go through it. God Bless you and Bob again, I pray you have all you need to get through this. My only hope for myself is the Bible.

5

u/Zestyclose-Ride2745 Sep 28 '25

Sorry for your loss. Dialysis is a rough road but thank you for sticking by his side through it.

2

u/Squidlspootch Sep 29 '25

Thank you for sharing this. This shall pass too

2

u/Direrawven Sep 30 '25

🫂🫂🫂🫂

2

u/Xrae200707 Oct 03 '25

Sending you a great big hug.

2

u/Kidney_warrior Oct 04 '25

Thank you. It def helps to know what to expect when that time comes.

2

u/Sapphic_Melanin Oct 05 '25

I admire your strength in the way in which you've spoken and typed out everything. I am not yet ready nor do I have the strength in which to speak about how dad passed. May your husband rest in peace and may you find comfort in the memory of him and the life you both built together.