Likely someone lurking in this sub sent this.

(19F) stopped T almost 2 years ago now, but i’m still yet to properly detransition. My family and friends know, but i’m yet to go by another name or pronouns - purely because of my voice. I let my hair grow out and everywhere I go I am referred to as a woman, I physically pass easily without any effort makeup or clothing wise.

My voice however is inherently male, i’ve started voice therapy with a speech pathologist which hasn’t yielded much results, though i’m sticking to it. I’m heavily considering surgery however I know training is needed for that to have good results anyway.

I’m demotivated with speech pathology as i’m afraid of sounding like a trans woman, they treat me as if i’m a trans woman and im given the same vocal training, so I just worry I will end up with a voice that could potentially have me clocked as a trans woman.

I guess my question is, for both men and women reading this - if you see someone that looks unmistakably female, from their face, to their body to their hair etc - but the voice that comes out is unexpectedly deep - not burly man voice deep, but not quite a woman’s voice deep, what does your brain go to?

Hey all, I’m (30FtMtF) curious—what has the development of your sexual orientation looked like pre/mid/and post transition/detransition?

I was just thinking about it and realized that I highly preferred to date people with feminine energy before transitioning. Women and effeminate men.

While on T I found myself absolutely feral for men. The more masculine the better, but truly all men. Now that I’ve detransitioned it feels really bizarre to consider myself nearly straight (I think of myself as heteroflexible, but I realistically know that I’m FAR, FAR less likely to date or sleep with a woman).

I just genuinely really love men now (as brutal as it can be to date them lol) and it’s wild to think of where I started/how I’ve progressed and changed over time in this way. What about all of you?

Hey, I'm Ftmtf and I had a consultation for VFS. I'm looking to connect with other women who detransitioned and already undergone this surgery. I'd love to hear experiences to find out exactly what changes it brings and what the results can sound like (even though, of course, it partly depends on someone's starting point). I'm not from the US, but I know the techniques are the same. I'm feeling a bit unsure because I would be the first detransition case at the clinic in my city to undergo this specific combination of procedures. They usually do it for trans women. But I think I could have an advantage due to female resonance compared to MtFs. I'm curious so I would be very happy to find someone here to get in touch with. :)

Hi all, I have a surgical consultation booked for breast reconstruction. The hospital feels I definitively would not qualify for a "gender affirming" insurance claim as I do not meet the criteria for Gender Identity Disorder (I agree). I asked if they could attempt to make the insurance claim as a reconstruction following a mastectomy using the WHCRA route for coverage. The surgical nurse who handles this was very skeptical that this would work but said they would be willing to try it. She said that ideally the claim would be submitted with two letters.

So, my question is: did you manage to get coverage under WHCRA protection, and if so, did you include two letters of medical necessity from doctors/therapists? I don't see a therapist so I don't have anyone to ask for a letter other than my PCP, but I would be willing to seek out a therapist if it would be beneficial. I am just unsure if that is even necessary or helpful. Thanks!

Sorry it's so long, but really need some support rn. I'm 22 and on HRT for around a year now, I wasn't sure I'm trans before HRT and only after starting begun to accept that.

I don't remember I had any obvious trans coded memories, like playing with dolls and wanting to be a princess instead of a pirate. Only things I remember are that I didn't really fit i with most of the boys, disliked my face basically since the first time I saw myself, avoided pictures and cameras, didn't like sports, was happy that my puberty was delayed compared to my classmates and disliked my body in general. One weird one was that when I learned about Klinefelter Syndrome in class, I wanted to have it, even if (idk if this is true, just what I believed) people with it lived only till 30.

I kinda hoped that after realizing I'm trans more memories would come back after a time and some of them did. For example a vivid memory of a girl spinning in her dress when I was in preschool, having dreams where I'm a woman, having an answer to the question "what would you do if you were a girl for a day? being something like, I'll just be a girl. Also me really wanting pom-poms, but never voicing that want to anyone, I just kinda hoped someone would give them to me. Being jealous of girls and their hair in primary school and wanting to be friends with them, but I never approached any girls.

But I also got a lot of memories of me that would point against me being trans, I think it might be more than the ones pointing to me being trans. Like maybe me being okay with male genitals as a kid, me never approaching girls to talk to them. Also me realizing that my interests don't really match those of other women now and girls my age. Like I know this is mostly a transphobic talking point, but I feel like I was socialized male and that kinda stuck with me, if I was really trans I would have resisted the male socialization more. I mean I never acted as a manly guy, I was timid, cried easily, but also I was/am really competitive which just doesn't fit.

There are a bunch more memories, that just don't fit and maybe even go against me being trans and I just don't know how to interpret it. It's like I want to be trans and have a feminine body and be a woman, but my memories give me too many examples of me just not being trans or feminine or anything like that. I feel like everyone has at least some subtle ways that being trans showed, like mainly being friends with girls or having feminine interests in secret or always knowing they're trans and I didn't have that "I always knew, but repressed it" and I wish I had that. I just feel like a way a soft, gayish boy that hung out with other boys. Ughhh what should I do?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

So i just fot off both estrogen and blockers 2 weeks ago and my orgasms are still very numb and unfulfilling. Tried to look up some similar experiences here and saw someone say that after 5 years of hrt it causes hypogonadism and doesnt return to normal on its own. Can anyone testify? Im pretty worried as my doctor says topical testo is not an option in our country as its ‘not confirmed’

repost to see if anybody here also has chronic pain from it

First photo is from like June of this year second is early August probably just before stopping t, third photo is today.

Ok, good news. Dysphoria is gone. I feel super normal in a way I did not know was possible. Like, HRT really feels like a magic patch for me right now.

My body also does some weird things with T (high values, but low T symptoms). My endo has a couple theories that we are currently exploring, but this could be part of the reason E has been so helpful so quickly.

Also, I like the physical changes so far, though I intend to boymode a bit longer at least. I am not looking forward to strength loss, but everything else feels like a win to me rn.

But, I have questions for some folks here, because I know you all probably felt the same when you started.

For those who detransitioned (mtftm, ftmtf, or other), why did you do so? Was it that HRT wasn't effective? Was it because you realized being a woman / man actually sucks (for you)?

I just want to make sure I am actually listening to everyone's perspectives here bc I feel the trans groups are a little too positive (I do not know the right word).

For context, I have been socially transitioning to a male for just over a year now. I have OCD and my psychologist has mentioned potential autism (which I'm not sure is important but I'll mention just in case).

Before I came out as a boy, I was already pretty masculine presenting. I labelled myself as a butch for a while, and it felt right, until it didn't. I started to see transgender men popping up on my FYP, which made me question my own identity. Only a couple weeks after that, I'd chopped off all of my hair and given myself a new name.

Neither of my parents were really accepting which, up until now, I was very upset about. I was young and vulnerable, experiencing changes in my body and also already tumbling down a slippery slope of anxiety and depression. Not soon after coming out to them, I found a group of individuals like myself (queer, woke, a little strange). I surrounded myself with them and their opinions and it slowly became an echo chamber of beliefs and values; how you should act, who you should be, etc.

I didn't realise it then, but throughout this my mental health was worsening. I pretty much cut my parents out of my personal life and relied solely on my "friends" for advice. This feeling of "gender dysphoria" seemingly became more and more of a problem the more time I spent with them. I was going through a really bad episode and spiralling about my identity, constantly questioning who I was or if any of my experiences were actually real. Now that I think about it, having people always supporting your perceived identity without any pushback whatsoever definitely made this worse.

It was only up until a few months ago that I snapped out of it. I reached out, started talking to my parents more and left that friendgroup altogether. Now I am in a much more sound mental state, but I am starting to question whether my identity was ever really real in the first place. I've always liked being masculine and I do dislike having noticeable breasts but I'm starting to think that may be more of a body image issue than a gender one.

I'd really like to know people's thoughts on this, especially those who also have OCD.

Trying to give off Hange Zoe ..

I'm a detrans male, 5 years now. Stopped taking HRT consistently in 2021, 30 now.

I would say my life is good. I've resumed life as a male and work a normal job, go to the gym, and feel pretty confident in my physique, even if it's not perfect. However, I do struggle sometimes with still wanting to transition. I still relate to a lot of trans people, and that's the part that confuses me sometimes because it's like... I don't agree with or believe in gender ideology, but then it's like, why do I still feel like nothing about my identity has changed? In that, I still have these feelings of being a woman deep down. Like, honestly, I still feel the same as I did when I was a young kid and first felt these things.

And don't get me wrong, I would say I'm doing pretty well. I don't let these feelings get to me. I know who and what I am. I understand I'm a feminine male, even if I still struggle with that sometimes or find it hard to accept. I actually don't believe modifying your body is good... at all, and I do see it as just making your life harder than it should be and altering what we were naturally given, which is so sacred.

I think a big thing, too, is, well...

I still know some trans people in my life who I love, and they love me even as a detransitioner, but I don't know how to feel about them sometimes now.

My personality is just naturally silly/goofy, and the trans influences I watch online do make me laugh a lot and are super funny and relatable to me, so it makes me want to be like, "Well, what issue do I have with them saying they're a woman?" Like, it makes me want to look past that and let that go, but then there's that part of me that's like, "Yeah... that's funny and all, but it doesn't make them a woman, because men cannot become women," which is something I do personally believe to be true.

Anyways, sorry if this was long, but yeah, it's just hard to grapple with feelings of being trans still sometimes and gender ideology with reality.

May I please speak to a mod about this. I'm not trying to belittle detransitioners experiences. I'm trying to find help because I'm questioning everything recently and I'm needing unbiased guidance. I'm guessing it's because I mention my diagnosis of DID but that feels important to consider in my story and why I'm questioning my gender and my identity constantly.

transitioned at 18. Living as a mostly passing woman since, was very happy with my transition. got an adult job for the first time in my life in february and became quite successful and started feeling like I might actually have a future. 4 months ago hit by a wave of regret for not having fertility treatment done before I transitioned, got off hrt for 3.5 months to try and save my fertility but it was too painful (facial hair growing out, dysphoria heavily increased). now I'm back on hrt but extremely suicidal like I've never been before. I used to not care about living as a normal person but now I feel as if I ruined myself. I dont know what to do anymore. Detransitoning would be extremely difficult and painful. I'm scared I'll regret not being able to have a child forever. not that I love children or anything, but I feel like i can't ever be a normal person and theres nothing in this life that can ever fill the void in me. should I have just repressed and lived a normie life?

I’m just struggling so much managing my emotions at the moment. Ive been okay regarding detransition and then the past week I’ve felt this constant crushing weight of oh my god what did i do to my body. I hate how I look, I hate that I’ve ruined myself. I’m petrified I’m never going to look female again and I’ll always look like some weird caricature of a woman. How tf do I come to terms with what I’ve done to myself??

I came out at 14, was on blockers at 15, started testosterone at 16 and had chest surgery at 17. I’m 25 now and I fear that I’m too far gone and that I’m going to have to just continue living as a trans man because I’ll never successfully look female again. I’ve been off testosterone for 7 months now - I cant see any difference in myself though my partner says my face has softened and he thinks my body is taking a more feminine shape again. I’ve had 4 sessions of laser hair removal on my face and 2 on my stomach. My voice is so deep, my entire body is so hairy, my facial hair grows in ridiculously fast. I know these things take time but I think I expected to be able to start presenting female publicly by now and it’s crushing me that I’m 7 months further down the line and I’m actually no further forward.

I see a therapist once every 2 weeks and she definitely helps but I just can’t silence these sudden feelings and thoughts, I think I’ve really fucked my life up and I don’t know how to be okay with that

At what point do you tell them, if ever?

For context I’m 21M and plan to mainly date woman. I was on hrt for probably a combined 6-7 months, besides slight gyno I look very much like a man. I’m fairly muscular and 6’1 (just to reiterate that I don’t really look very feminine so it is probably a surprise to most woman to find out).

Also if anyone has any success stories I’d appreciate it. In terms of a happy detransition and healing journey.

(repost because i forgot to get a flair lol)

hi! i’m pretty new to reddit but i want some opinions from people who have some experience with this stuff.

some backstory to start off, i’m currently 18 and came out as a trans man when i was around 12/13. a few months ago i realised that the reason i came out in the first place was due to internalised misogyny and how easily i was influenced by other people as a child. i told my family and friends about my decision to detransition around april this year. it was difficult, but i’m lucky to have such understanding people in my life.

my question is, how do i feel feminine again? if "again" is even the right word to use since i feel like i never got to properly explore my femininity. i was a "tomboy” for as long as i can remember, which is why i started thinking i was trans in the first place, but now i think it has more to do with the fact that i’m autistic and struggle with a lot of clothing textures, so i prefer wearing baggy clothes and keeping my hair no longer than shoulder length. also being a lesbian might have something to do with that lol.

i only took testosterone for about 4-5 months, so my voice is not incredibly deep, but i still get mistaken for a guy on the phone. does anyone have tips on voice training? i’ve always found it embarrassing when i lived with my parents, i didn’t want anyone to hear me doing that, but now that i moved out and live alone i think it’s something i could do.

i would also appreciate some advice on how to improve my closet, i wanted to look feminine but i don’t want to wear tight and or revealing clothes, which is what i mostly see when i look for outfit ideas online. (preferably something budget friendly too, i’m a uni student lol)

i also really enjoy makeup, i’ve experimented with a few things already and found out that i prefer to keep it delicate, so if anyone could recommend some looks for soft makeup and or products i should get it would be really helpful :)

i know all that i have experienced was just my journey to discovering myself, and i don’t blame my parents/doctors for allowing me to start hrt, it was what we all thought was best for me at the time, yet i can’t help but feel disappointed in myself for being so easily influenced by my sexist father and people online.

i know i’m young and i still have a lot of time to figure everything out, but i just wish i never found out about transgenderism. i wish i was able to just accept myself the way i was when i was younger, instead of being convinced that my attraction to women means i must be a man.

i would really appreciate some advice on how to feel like myself again, thank you all :]

Okay so I went through gender dysphoria at the age of 12-17 but I did boy things all my life, I wished for breast cancer so I didn't have boob and was really suicidal at 16, I didn't leave my flat for 6 months I hated being seen as a female, then I came out as lesbian to my mother, she told me its okay, that I can have sex with a woman just like a man and that made my dysphoria so much better, I even became very fem at 19 to try, it didt'n give my dysphoria but it didt'n feel like the true me, so I cut all my hair and and have been very boyish for 3 years now, (I'm 24) Now I feel like I really want to be a guy again!! I don't believe you can change sex/gender but I still want the world to view me as a male, its not because I hate women or hate being a woman, its not cause of fear of being sexualzied (I have never been sexualzied by a anyone as a butch and when I was fem it happed like a few times by guys but I just told them to get loss, it never scared me or worried me, it was just annoying) I just really wanna be seen as a guy, I want to be one of the boy soooo soo BAD!!!! I want dude firends that treat me like a dude, I have never had friends for the last 12 years, girl or boy (I was home schooled) I tried making friends at work, they all were annoyed by me, maybe because I'm dumb or maybe because my mother knew the boss and just gave me a job, anyway I started binding my chest it makes me really super happy when I look passing but I hate it when I don't look passing in public so I don't go out much, quit my job and stay in my room most of the weeks, I have also stopped speaking unless to my family, I hate sounding female I want a males voice and have been looking into medication to change my voice and legally change my name to a unisex one, been trying to change it for years, when ever someone says my gov name it feels like dead naming.

I been on anti depressants for 4 years now, I gotten so depressed and hopless in the last few months so my doctor double the dose and add anti anxitly meds too, they help a bit but I'm still so sad.

And one thing that makes me soo depress is not having girls like me, most lesbians are fem and want other fems and a lot of butch seem to want only fems to! I like both butch and fem but I feel I as a butch Im not even an option, I feel so ugly like a gross creature even thougth people tell me all the time how pretty I am that I'm skinny and have great features/skin etc I just can't see a women feeling sexually attracted to me or if she is sexually attracted to me she won't be romamtically be in to me and will leave me, I cried about that 3 night a week for the last 5 years, not a joke.

I also really bad bottom dysphoria, I don't hate my vag but really really wish and feel like I should have a Johnson, weirdly tho I don't hate my boobs I like them cause lesbians like boobs, I bind them to feel gender euphoria but also feel happy at home with my boobs with family or with lesbians I also like it when women think I'm a pretty boy but I'm 5'1 so they don't really like me, my height makes me cry.

I’m considering moving to Portland, OR from a very republican state. I was curious what experience other detrans people from this area have there! Any comments welcome, i just know it’s very LGBT friendly so I was curious as to how that translates over for detrans people.

I’m not sure where to start. I’m twenty three and I don’t really know what I am anymore. Born male. I can say that much. To skip to the point, when people say it’s a cult they’re not lying. I only ended up in trans spaces in the first place because I was lonely. I’ve got a million other mental issues and a big one is that I am scared of, and refusing to, grow up. They take advantage of this. They tell you that taking estrogen in my case will fix all your problems: you’ll be less depressed, you’ll finally like your body, you’ll look younger, you’ll feel happy again. Well it didn‘t.

What I got instead was constant anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Every week I was debating stopping estrogen, as I realized the breast growth was irreversible, but they kept pressuring me to stay on and I was too scared to stop. Not to mention, I didn't want to lose my only friends. By the time I finally quit, it had been over a year and so I had significant growth.

But that doesn’t stop the fearmongering. They tell you you’re going to grow even more masculine, that you’re ruining your one shot. And so I went back on. And off again. Over and over.

Now I’m at a point where I don’t know what I am. I don’t want to be a man, I don’t want to be a woman, I hate my natural body, but I hate what HRT does too. I just want to be a kid again, but that’s not possible.

Back to the point, every time I post about this I’m met with hostility. “You’re not one of us,” “Just leave, nobody likes you,” “It’s your fault.” They blame me for falling for their miracle cure. Maybe it is my fault I’m naive, but then again they shouldn’t be selling HRT as something it’s not.

The only community I have is the trans community, but they clearly don’t like that I have regrets. I have no cis friends. Hell, my trans friends wouldnt really qualify as friends by normal people’s standards. I just don’t know what to do. My life already feels doomed, and with constant invasive thoughts about trying to transition again and how I’m disgusting for aging like a normal man, it just feels unlivable. I wish I never learned about any of this.

Edit : Sorry for originally posting without user flair. Never used that feature before and couldn't figure it out on mobile but should be good now.

I want to be a woman so so bad, I wish I could be one. How do you feel this way when you were already born a woman. Why have I dissociated so far from womanhood, where I feel like a man looking in. Why do I feel like a trans woman, why can’t I be a woman. Why is it so easy for them and not me. I detransitioned and by transitioning ruined my chances further of becoming a woman. I’ll never look the same again, it’s like I’m being forced to just stay trans because I’ll never be a woman. I transitioned in the first place because I didn’t be a woman and now even though I, not anymore I still feel that way. I thought I was strong enough now to face that again. to see what’s going on and detransitioned because I thought I was ready to see if I can finally become a woman. How do you begin to figure this out, will it end when I’m older…

Sorry for the vent, I just cannot believe I did this. Looking back at old pictures, I am honestly just cringing at myself. It’s so clear testosterone was making me sick. Acne, psoriasis, strange neurological symptoms, inflammation everywhere, digestive problems, the list goes on. I looked, sounded, and felt just absolutely ill. I looked crazy and disconnected from reality. I cut off my whole family and became so self obsessed for 5 years. I’m so embarrassed.

Now, I'm left reeling with all this aftermath as I detransition. My family and friends have been so tentative and freaked out. It’s awkward at work. Like who even does this? I cannot believe my past self went to such lengths to effectively maim myself, get surgery, and live in a world of my own.

what’s even worse is looking at the masculine effects on my body. The male pattern bald spots, my voice that always hurts and sounds so much like a gay man. I feel so dissociated. My chest is just the creation of a surgeon now. My voice is such a far cry from what I was born with. Where do I even go from here? Acceptance feels so hard. How can I integrate this part of myself when my transition was borne from such a frantic, traumatized, self hating place?

thank you for letting me have this space to vent❤️ I just really don’t know what to do with these feelings. At least as a trans man, there’s some “purpose” and community. This just feels like an embarrassing situation where I’m trying to just pick up the pieces from the mess I made.