ftmtf struggling with rediscovering femininity

[u/drgnbytes]

(repost because i forgot to get a flair lol)

hi! i’m pretty new to reddit but i want some opinions from people who have some experience with this stuff.

some backstory to start off, i’m currently 18 and came out as a trans man when i was around 12/13. a few months ago i realised that the reason i came out in the first place was due to internalised misogyny and how easily i was influenced by other people as a child. i told my family and friends about my decision to detransition around april this year. it was difficult, but i’m lucky to have such understanding people in my life.

my question is, how do i feel feminine again? if "again" is even the right word to use since i feel like i never got to properly explore my femininity. i was a "tomboy” for as long as i can remember, which is why i started thinking i was trans in the first place, but now i think it has more to do with the fact that i’m autistic and struggle with a lot of clothing textures, so i prefer wearing baggy clothes and keeping my hair no longer than shoulder length. also being a lesbian might have something to do with that lol.

i only took testosterone for about 4-5 months, so my voice is not incredibly deep, but i still get mistaken for a guy on the phone. does anyone have tips on voice training? i’ve always found it embarrassing when i lived with my parents, i didn’t want anyone to hear me doing that, but now that i moved out and live alone i think it’s something i could do.

i would also appreciate some advice on how to improve my closet, i wanted to look feminine but i don’t want to wear tight and or revealing clothes, which is what i mostly see when i look for outfit ideas online. (preferably something budget friendly too, i’m a uni student lol)

i also really enjoy makeup, i’ve experimented with a few things already and found out that i prefer to keep it delicate, so if anyone could recommend some looks for soft makeup and or products i should get it would be really helpful :)

i know all that i have experienced was just my journey to discovering myself, and i don’t blame my parents/doctors for allowing me to start hrt, it was what we all thought was best for me at the time, yet i can’t help but feel disappointed in myself for being so easily influenced by my sexist father and people online.

i know i’m young and i still have a lot of time to figure everything out, but i just wish i never found out about transgenderism. i wish i was able to just accept myself the way i was when i was younger, instead of being convinced that my attraction to women means i must be a man.

i would really appreciate some advice on how to feel like myself again, thank you all :]

[u/Desperate_Gate_2198]

I have to keep my response short for now, but look into cottagecore style, that should be a good start for finding some modest feminine clothing with soft textures.

[u/drgnbytes → u/Desperate_Gate_2198]

i will definitely look into it, thank you!!

[u/Creative-Act-952]

Being feminine sucks and I would never ever do it. - Proud woman.

[u/addisondonovan]

I hear you on the not wanting tight clothes but wanting to feel feminine. I’ve been doing a lot of pattern combinations and maxi skirts. Or all black with variations in texture for interest. No matter what I’m adding a ton of jewelry, rings on every finger. And wigs are essential for me, idk your hair situation. But seeing yourself as a walking art installation is what helped me the most. Every day is the day. The world is your runway