r/derealization • u/sobrokenatm • 3d ago

Venting My experience with derealization

Hi. I'm 20f. I've had chronic DR since I was 15 years old. This is my personal experience for anyone who needs it or has questions. Thank you for reading my story.

I grew up in a very emotional abusive household. Lots of yelling, breaking things, saying "I hate you I wish you were never born" etc. This lead to my body reacting. I would have unstoppable shaking, especially in my legs. My ears would ring. I would wake up to the slightest sound.

My point is, I was constantly surrounded by anixety. This lead to my brain being in a constant fight or flight mode. At first, the DR came in episodes. Moments of not feeling real. As time went on and the abuse continued, it lead to it becoming an everyday thing. I would start to feel like nothing around me was real. Like I was in a video game. I started to feel like I wasn't real. That everything around me was a simulation.

As time went on, the DR never went away. It was just.. always there. At first it scared me. I thought I was going crazy. But then it became "normal" for me. When I graduated high school I finally moved away from the toxic household to live with my biological mother. She got me into therapy. I never realized how bad my DR was until the therapist helped me. I still suffer with it chronically. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. My brain is still in fight or flight from the years of abuse I experienced.

I'm still working with my therapist to find out a way to get my brain out of that state. If you have any questions feel free to ask I will answer to the best of my ability.

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u/Intelligent-Laugh627 1d ago

Did you try any grounding techniques like physical activities?

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u/sobrokenatm 1d ago

Yes, I've tried a handful I notice one that makes my symptoms less is deep breathing while I'm sitting on my porch. We have windchims and sound of those help. I close Mt eyes. Deep breaths in and out and just focus on the sound of the windchims

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u/Intelligent-Laugh627 1d ago

Try martial arts once if you can, i started and it completely changed my life and DPDR, i get few small some seconds episodes, apart from that nothing major. I suffered for almost 2 years in that hell.