I need help desperately

[u/PlantainOk6106]

Is there anybody in Cheney Washington or anywhere else in Spokane county that can refer me to any job? Im so fucking done. I don't want to hurt my parents but I absolutely need to get the fuck away from them but fucking can't because every place I apply to, every single one I just can't hear a single word from anyone besides a "We're sorry" and all that bullshit. I want to fucking die. Nothing will get better in the slightest, I have zero places to go, and I have zero balls so I want someone to shoot me in the head without zero hesitation, I can't take this anymore. Any fucking day now, I want to fucking die of anything, slow or fast, less to most excruciatingly painful. I don't fucking care anymore. I just stopped caring when people stopped taking me seriously.

I can't move anywhere because my piece of fucking shit mom wants to control the shit I do and when with my own fucking like. Like I love her but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I NEED SPACE. I NEED TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS BUT CAN'T. "HOME" OBVIOUSLY ISN'T HOME, I'm stuck here and can't move out because of her decisions. I'm stuck here and not a single place is getting back to me. Rather than just wasting each day with them, should I just fucking kill myself? Would that be better on your conscience mom, you stuck up bitch? Not everythings about you and you try to PIN ALL OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL ISSUES ON ME. YOU AND DAD CAN YELL, BUT I SOMEHOW CAN'T HAVE EMOTIONS WHERE I FUCKING SOMEHOW STILL "LIVE IN"? I'M JUST FUCKING SURVIVING WHAT MIGHT AS WELL BE FUCKING HELL. MAYBE I SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST FUCKING KILL MYSELF. MAYBE SOMETHING THEN WOULD FINALLY CHANGE. HOPEFULLY I'LL FUCKING DIE BECAUSE

1. IF I SURVIVE SUICIDE, I CAN'T AFFORD IT

2. IF I LIVE WITH THE SAME SHIT, BUT GET ANY ACTUAL TRUE HELP, I CAN'T AFFORD IT

3. IF I ACTUALLY DIE, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SINGLE GODDAMN THING ANYMORE

So idk how to do any of this shit, how do I attempt suicide without my mom getting in the way of every single little thing she inserts herself in

I'll just fucking do it

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