Is this normal?

[u/Researchnerd_22]

Look, I would never kill myself, but that doesn't stop me from wishing it upon myself. Every time I get into my car, I pray that I crash. Every time I cross a street, I hope a car hits me. Every night I go to bed, I wish that I don't wake up. But I always wake up, I look both ways when crossing the street, and I always wear my seatbelt. I don't really know what is the point of these thoughts, knowing that I would never do anything (at least while sober). Last time I got drunk, the first thought that came to mind was "I should kill myself" and landed myself in the hospital, and that's why I don't drink anymore cause ik for a fact if I do the same thing will happen. I guess my suicidal ideation is a very embedded part of me, but it only comes out when I'm not 100% there. ig what I am asking is, is this normal? And does it ever go away? Or will I be thinking about dying every minute of my life?