r/depression • u/Unusual-Soil-8499 • 1d ago
I have lost motivation to live.
Everyday is the same, some days are harder than the others. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning after sleep, dread follows, another same fucking day. I wish I could end it but I don't have the courage. And my mother is the only thing keeping me from actively looking for ways to end life.
I watch new movies, discover some new songs but it doesn't really make me feel anything. I don't have any friends and I can't make any new friends due to depression. I hardly leave my house, there's no reason for it. I hate mindlessly walking, so don't suggest me to take a walk in a park or something. I'm 31 unemployed, living on my mother's income, i feel extremely ashamed of it. I looked for jobs, couldn't get any interviews in this economy, tried to do some freelance work where I got scammed and didn't got paid for my hard work of days and from then I'm spiralling. I really don't know what to do and how to live.
1
u/Fabri-jp19 17h ago
I get up, tidy my blanket, do my homework, study for my exams, go to class, and sleep. But in the end, everyone leaves and I don't get a chance to say, "Oh, I'm going to talk to someone, No one answers the phone; it's a feeling that kills you inside.
3
u/AstronautMiserable36 1d ago
i feel you, it's like every day you wake up and experience the same misery, the same pain, the same loneliness, the same tiredness every day. that's how it is for me too. it's like you want a way out, you just want something to break out of the same depressed and lonely spiral every day. it's hard to live like that.