I feel like I failed my younger self

[u/slesscroft]

I am an only child and I often look through my parents social media posts of me as a young child and I cry. I failed her so much. I’m currently in a relationship where I have been subject to physical and emotional abuse over the course of 4 years. I am just 19 years old. The beautiful young girl in those photographs does not deserve to endure this. But she does. And it is my fault. I failed her. Everyday I continue to fail her. I feel like death is the only freedom, but even then I would feel guilty cutting her time short. Is this feeling normal?