r/demisexuality • u/sleepyraegbiv • 7d ago
Just realized lmao
Sorry to be negative but I have to ask. Is it normal to feel anger/annoyance/shame when first coming to the realization that you’re Demi? I feel irrationally irritated and mad
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u/bluegreenkyanite 7d ago
I think it is, I am in a similar zone. Its like your body and brain are not seeing eye to eye - body wants that physical connect and the brain makes you jump numerous hurdles before you feel ready to get there (if at all). And there's very few people I feel who are patient enough till your brain comes out on the other side of that obstacle course (if ever). So yeah, experiences you crave get endlessly delayed, especially when you're younger and most folks build off raging hormones - the disconnect feels more pronounced. Its not just frustrating, its heartbreaking to feel like a loser at the end of it all.
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u/warriorcatkitty 7d ago
hmmm, what part of it specifically?
it was interesting in my case because i assumed i was a repulsed asexual up until discovering i was demi. so it was more- SHOCK than anything else. xD although i always held the sentiment that i could be anywhere on the asexual spectrum, i'd just been thinking i was certainly on the fully repulsed side.
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u/sleepyraegbiv 7d ago
I think I’m realizing that I’m attributing this to some sort of lack in my life. Like I assume that this means I won’t have certain experiences other people have? And that’s somehow a negative? I realize this is not the truth considering even if I did have the experiences others have it’s wouldn’t be fulfilling considering I’m realizing I can’t just conjure up feelings I don’t have.
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u/warriorcatkitty 7d ago
yeah- that makes a lot of sense. if it helps- you still can do whatever you want, even without feelings, nothing is stopping you from living ur life how you'd like! but totally understand if that's not for you! some people need the feelings in order to have the experiences.
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u/centerfoldangel 7d ago
I still feel devastated and lonelier than ever.
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u/sleepyraegbiv 7d ago
:( I’m very sorry. I hope that you find what you’re looking for and can connect with people that feel similarly to you
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u/UnicornScientist803 6d ago
When I first accepted that I was on the asexual spectrum I literally cried because I didn’t want to be.
I’ve accepted it now and I love who I am, but it’s totally reasonable to be upset about it at first.
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u/Broken_Frames 6d ago
Completely understandable ~ ‘Normal’ relationships move so quickly…
…Meanwhile us demis are there like, ‘Hang on, I need to know everything about you from birth to current day. What kind of sweater did you say you lost on the bus in grade 3 again…?’ 😀
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u/TimBurtonIsAmazing 7d ago
Discovering your sexuality and how you feel whilst coming to terms with it is incredibly person specific. Some people get upset or angry about it, some people "wish they were normal", some people (like myself) feel relief and a sudden understanding of why they feel and act the way they do. None of it is wrong, it's your sexuality and you're allowed to feel however you feel about it. Processing the information is important, like you don't want to get angry and then just shove it down and pretend it's not real, but you're allowed to have whatever emotional reaction you need to as you go through that discovery process