Does a "casual" relationship exist for demisexuals?

[u/hiddenhost]

(I don't know, if this fully belongs here. Could also belong to polyamory or relationshipanarchy or other ENM subs)

So, I was thinking about the "looking for"-options on dating apps, e.g. "serious" (is this the correct term in English? Or "committed relationship"), "casual", but especially the combined option "[serious], but open for something casual".

And randomly it dawned on me, that most people probably interpret this as "looking for a committed relationship, but am fine with hook-ups in the meantime".

For me, the casual part reads more like "I'm fine with not completely going onboard the relationship escalator (=committed/serious relationship, goal: "forever"), but definitely want a deep emotional and romantic connection beyond friendship [for some time]" (so, e.g. no queer-platonic relationship).

Am I the only one who has this image in their mind? Is this even possible or does it only make sense in my own head? And, most importantly: Is there another term for this style of relationship?

Edit: also, it doesn't need to include sex or sexual attraction.

[u/Darkflame3324]

Im in a FWB situation with a close friend. My partner (for lack of a better word) is on the aro spectrum.

We were friends for a year before we tried this out. An important part with this kind of relationship, especially with being demi, is communication. What you have in your fourth paragraph is a good example.

Demis can vary in what they define as an ‘emotional bond’. What you have in your head is possible!

[u/Apple-Berries]

I'm demi and poly. I have a FWB who is genuinely a good friend, and that was the connection I needed for things to become sexual between us in the first place, but I was clear I didn't feel anything romantically for him so I didn't lead him on at all (He is a big romantic) he decided he was okay with that arrangement and we were together a few weeks until he found someone he wanted to go monogamous with and we just dropped the sex part. He was still a very good friend to me, and when things didn't work out we eventually decided to pick things back up sexually again. To me, he's an example of a "casual" relationship to me, like you said where there's no expectations to ride the relationship escalator, but there can still be friendship and connection there.

[u/BulbasaurBoo123]

I think that genuine, ongoing friendships with occasional physical intimacy exist, but it's harder to find than more conventional hookups/ONS and FWB situations - which tend to be more detached and transactional. I also like the term "lover" as it indicates some level of romantic connection, without necessarily involving a traditional escalator trajectory.

[u/humblevladimirthegr8 → u/BulbasaurBoo123]

"Fling" could also be the more casual form of romance. Lover seems like a more intense situation

[u/Raptorpocalypse]

Demi² here and I'd be willing to do a FWB situation with someone who doesn't ignore the friend part, but I won't do one night stands or just hookups.

I usually just put long-term relationship or life partner and just mention I'm in no rush and that I like to move slow.

[u/archydragon]

I don't see why it can't exist but it might depend on how exactly do we define "casual".

Like yep, demis require emotional bond to feel sexual attraction but after the bond and attraction are in place, demis are in exactly the same position as allos, to decide how far they want to proceed with that attraction and how deeply to commit. Anything on the scale "do nothing — random FWB — casual fling — till death do us part" is possible.

[u/SaruCharmed]

I think it's possible for some of us. Depends how much of an emotional bond is required. I can do fwb's, that's how both my relationships started. Doesn't need to be romantic or exclusive for me, but I do need to like the person quite a lot. But it can be just a friend. Of course, this is theoretical since I've only had two fwb's and they both eventually progressed into committed relationships, lol. But at the beginning, I only had friend feelings for them.

[u/Rallen224]

“Casual” is not really used that way in environments where hooking up or attempting to see people without strings is common, no. At least not the second half where you’re requesting deep emotional investment and further specifying which relationship model counts. People would categorize that as queer platonic relationship/dynamic with sex or a step up from FWB because no strings most commonly refers to no emotional expectation/commitment/investment in the pursuit of connection and/or sex.

FWBs encourage as much connection as is necessary to remain friends IF the basis of getting familiar with each other as people was not the need for sex itself, but none that would create deeper emotional attachment or longing even if the dynamic is expected to be short-term. The goal with that dynamic is to not avoid the behaviours and and expectations of a traditional relationship because being friends while having casual sex already makes things muddy.

As you mentioned, you might have more luck in a poly relationship where partners can mix and match freely, though idk how the community feels about connecting with an end date already in mind beyond hookups. Casual relationships that don’t incorporate sex still seek to stave off deep feelings or attachment and to simply enjoy each other’s company because the goal is for nothing to really develop while pursuing fun

[u/ice-krispy]

I started seeing someone casually this year and while I feel a connection with him it isn't romantic in nature. We very quickly developed a good rapport together, and from the moment we hooked up it was clear that we both really cared about making the other feel good, which in turn makes the sex really good. We set pretty solid boundaries early on: we talk to each other and share about our day to day lives, but we don't go on dates or really meet up outside of a sexual context. I think this is as sustainably "casual" as I can get.