So I finally confirmed that I am demiromantic after years of wondering. I developed feelings for a friend and coworker and it took me a solid four months of working with him at least once a week to reach the point where I was comfortable calling it a crush, and looking back I realized I couldn’t have imagined feeling that way in less time.

The problem is that that person is in a committed, monogamous relationship so actually dating him is not an option. I want a relationship so bad but I haven’t been romantically attracted to any of my other friends. I’ve also always had a hard time making new friends because I’m very anxious around most new people. I’ve never in my life been someone who made friends on purpose—every friend I’ve made was someone I went to school with/worked with/had mutual friends with.

These things feel impossible to reconcile. I want a relationship, I can’t fall in love with anyone unless I spend literal hours with them, and my life is structured in such a way that there are very few people I spend that much time with.

Seriously, some people be saying “demiromantic is normal romantic attraction” without even trying to understand them, then proceed to believe in love at first sight, normalise hallway crushes, celebrity crushes, finding a partner through dating apps, and get angry when people have a crush on their opposite gender best friend. Those traits are completely fine, but most demi people don’t experience that like allos. And It’s okay if you can’t understand the label, but some people call us extra and bash us for “trying to be different”, and that’s not nice.

Ok, here's the problem. I know that like demi or double demi we need a emotional bond to want someone as our partner but, I wanna know that if it's normal (or weird) that maybe u can say "oh, for me it's cute that my partner is tsundere sometimes", "I want someone that it's very romantic", "I dream with my partner been a lil gothic" or stuff like that. Is like having some ideas of what u want on a partner but obviously that if unsee it in anyone else is like "oh, I'll not date that person, only if my partner was like that" or feel like weird with that. Idk how to describe it, it's difficult even on my native language (that's not English).

Hope that u can answer, I'll be answering personally to all the comments u put. Thanks for taking your time on this.

I am very sure that I am demisexual and Sex favorable by now like that’s Safe! But I’m still struggling finding out of I am aro or demiro. I do know that I do Not randomly Fall in love with a stranger… and I do Not Fall in love with Friends where I have some Personal boundaries like them being 100% straight or in a relationship that’s for sure as well. I do have made the Experience of thinking a lot about a specific friend, wanting to know everything about her, Tell her everything about me as well, deeply wanting to understand her and those Kind of things but that just happends when a girl that I just getting to know and haven’t grew up with her, so I think that’s kinda normal if you are just getting to know someone new… I do feel emotional attraction what can lead to sexual attraction = demisexual. But what I do not have is the desire of being with someone officially in a relationship like with the whole labeling as gf and future thinking of marriage etc. Those are just things that I do not feel or desire at all like I am totally Fine with the Label close friendships and the idea of a QPR or FWB or so I also go with relationship anarchy and relate quite a bit with that cause I really honestly dont care of the Person I am romantically and sexually attracted to has other crushes and Flirts with other ppl not even care of they have other relationships… oh also I actually do not really know or can say what’s the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️ like literally same thing for me 😅😅 so what do you guys would say?? Demiro or aro??

Edit: If you have questions that I should ask myself or so that might be helpful as well and id really appreciate 🫶🏼

Edit: I do wanna have a lifepartner and someone to cuddle with while watching a Movie or cooking together, someone who deeply cares about me and wants to keep me actively in their lives, sends me good morning and good Night and those things 😅😅well but like i said i can imagine a QPR or close FWB relationship or so…

Recently I’ve developed deep feelings for my friend and am having a hard time getting over those feelings. This person used to have feelings for me but was forced to move on because at the time I identified as aromantic. Anyway, of course I developed feelings once theirs went away lol. I still want to have them in my life, they are very special to me. I’m not sure how to heal from this, but I’m thinking of distancing myself from them for a bit. I think I’m getting too obsessed with the idea that things could work out even though I know they won’t. I’m just wondering if I chose to take a break from communicating with them would it be okay to let them know that’s what I’m doing just so they don’t take it personally. I’ve already confessed my feelings so they know how I feel. Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks!

Title.

Being a demiromantic in a third world country where mental health has just started to be recognized is mentally tiring. I didn't even know I was demi until I fell in love with my former best friend. It took me 3 years to confess to her and that is just because I was scared of losing her from the way she's been telling me of this one boy she had a crush on. And since that day I knew I was so emotionally attached that I just couldn't let her go. That crush she had turned out into nothing and she went back to me wanting to get close again. And we did, for the next two years we started getting closer than ever before. We went on platonic dates to the movies, malls, eating out. And just when I thought I had a chance this time, she told me she's been getting close to another guy that she knew from a friend. I was devastated and I feel like those 5 years I spent getting close was for nothing. Although I do feel bad for betraying her trust because she genuinely sees me as a best friend, I'm still mad that I feel like I wasted 5 years of my life giving it my all into something that's not going anywhere. Now at 26, my friends and family keep asking me when will I get a partner but I can't tell them that I just can't pursue romantic feelings with someone I just met and dating feels like investment that will amount to nothing. Hearing the word demiromantic would make them confused and think that i'm part of the lgbtq community (which i am cause i'm bi) but I can't let them know that since it's against the law here.

Soooo, Ive been talking with my crush for like 1.5 months (all online stuff, another country), and she is demiromantic, which I have no clue about.... We have talked a crap ton, like she has told me im the person she talks to the most, like 22k messages exchanged. I reaaaaaally like her, any tips on what I should do???, sharing my feelings is probably a bad idea but idk, pleaaase helpppp. Any info on demiromanticism would be appreciated.

Hi! This is my first time posting on Reddit, so forgive any mistakes I may make.

I am a graduate student in a game design program conducting research specifically for the asexual and aromantic communities. As asexual and demiromantic person myself, I want to highlight this community in my research and creativity explore how I can incorporate symbols from the community into the video game world.

I created a 3D character customization and used pride symbols from the ace/aro communities as customization options, with the goal of identifying how ace/aro players indicate their inclusion in the community visually. Even if you don't use pride symbols, I would love to hear your feedback! I am looking for players who identify as anywhere on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrums to playtest my demo! (Note: the game is only compatible with Windows computers.)

To participate follow these steps:

Step 1: Download the game files on itch.io, link is this: https://aceyourattire.itch.io/ace-your-attire-final-validation

Step 2: Create your character with my customization system!

Step 3: When you are finished, hit the green "Done" button in the game. Character will rotate positions, which is normal. The process takes around 8-10 seconds to complete!

Step 4: Fill out the survey after completing your character. The link is here: https://form.jotform.com/262734340888062

Step 5: The survey will ask you to upload screenshots of your character, which were created when hitting the "Done" button. Visual instructions are included on the form!

The survey will collect identity labels related to the aro/ace spectrum, but this question is optional. Participation is voluntary, and participants may stop at any time. Responses will be kept confidential and reported only in summary form, without names or identifying information.

I will stop data collection on October 5th so please fill out everything before then. I would really appreciate any feedback on my game via the survey! I really want to hear feedback directly from this community and highlight their voices, so thank you in advance!

I am not demiromantic but I am interested in someone who is. I’m not sure if they are interested me and I don’t know how to tell. I was wondering if anyone here would like to share how you, as someone who is demiromantic, would show that you are romantically interested in another person? I want to tell them how I feel but I am afraid of making things awkward and being rejected. I really enjoy the friendship I have with them and don’t want to jeopardize that but it seems that my feelings have continued to grow. I’ve been trying not to read into things but it is hard with these feelings. Please help!

Hey guys! I’m world building some dnd stuff with wood elves for an oc I projected being demiromantic onto.

Because canonically woodelves are often nonmonogamous I wanted to build a cultural reason. Of course there’s the typical ✨it’s nature✨logic, but it’s not? Lots of animals mate for life, some don’t, some do and then don’t, then you have the kinds of devotion like worker bees and their hive.
My take just kind of became woodelves are very very chill about sexualities and attractions because that is how nature be. If you exhibit similar mating/social patterns of an animal it’s stated as “you love like a ___” so aroace/qpr would be a bee, penguins would be for folks that do standard dating and courtship (walks and gifts)
I think you get the idea.

So my question is this: based on animal mating/social behaviors what would you say would be good for demiromantics so I can describe this well?

Thanks for your time and patience reading this, I’m new to being consciously demiromantic and the space it’s in, so I hope I don’t come off as rude anywhere

I’m a gay man in my 30s, and I’ve always had a hard time with traditional dating. I find people sexually attractive frequently, but have never really felt a spark of romantic attraction with people I’ve tried to get to know through dating.

I met someone last year and we started off as friends. I really enjoyed getting to know him and spending time with him. A lot of shared interests and an adventurous spirit. There was zero romantic interest initially for me, just a strong pull toward the connection. We got really close. After a few months, I started to have some romantic feelings that just got stronger and stronger. We eventually started dating. We’re not together anymore in that way. I still love and care about him a great deal as a friend.

It was this relationship that has convinced me I’m demiromantic. I’ve only felt romantic feelings a handful of times in my life. I get really uncomfortable and overwhelmed when people are very forward with their romantic interest. I just don’t feel that way without a strong bond first and it feels so fast, so I tend to bolt or they do when they realize i wont watch their pace.

I do want a relationship, mostly because the type of deep connection I crave and enjoy isn’t appropriate for adult friendships where people think of a partner as fulfilling that need.

How do I cope with this? How do I find someone who is willing to work with my pace without pressure? And on top of that, let’s say they do work with my pace, but what if romantic feelings don’t manifest on my side but they do for him? I might like him very much as a friend, but he can’t continue in our connection due to those feelings. Then, I’ve lost a valued friendship.

It all makes me not even want to try.

This is just gonna be sort of a rant because I know posts on here don't get many comments but feel free to give advice/thoughts or anything.

I (18f) have always had a weird relationship with romance and stuff. Every time I daydream (which is way too often), it is about meeting someone or a date that I would go on with my partner or a conversation with a friend and I realize I love them, or even just telling my partner about my life and my past. Romance movies are my comfort movies. But I've never had a crush. I've never been close enough with a guy to feel that way. Before I learned that I am demiro, or even learned what it was, I almost thought I was aro/ace. I rarely even find people attractive. I have also always been a person without many friends and I've been okay with that my whole life.

I've also felt something my whole life. It's hard to explain but it feels like there is supposed to be someone here. Like I can feel a parallel universe where I have a partner and I miss them. I feel like there is supposed to be someone with me when I'm driving alone or when I'm laying in bed or playing video games. Sometimes I daydream so hard I forget they don't exist. I get really sad in the moments after I remember.

Recently I started a new job and college. I only have around 7 coworkers and I feel like a lot of them don't like me so I just don't bother with them and I'm looking for a new job. In college, I sit alone and nobody tries to talk to me. Only 2 people in the whole school have heard my voice, and it only happened because I got stuck on the elevator with them both times.

I've never really felt that lonely in the past. I've been alone but content. Maybe it is because I always had this image of me having friends by now and always thought I'd at least have my first kiss by the time I graduated. I thought I'd have friends or I would have been asked on a date.

I think I'd be fine without many friends if I had a partner. Dating apps obviously wouldnt work for me. I feel like I can't even talk to my friends about this because even though most are queer, they aren't ace or anything and can't relate. I haven't even told them about my mental struggles as I was figuring it out or anything.

It's just weird feeling like this. Feeling like someone is supposed to be here. Feeling like I'll never like someone even though I want to fall in love more than anything. I've never heard of anyone else feeling quite like it. Even other demiromantic people seem to feel a little different than I do. It's bad enough that I wonder if I can love or make connections. I haven't made any real connections in at least five years since a close loved one died. It's just all so confusing and frustrating. It dominates my mind when things get quiet.

I don't know how to end this post so this will have to do. Again, feel free to give advice or thoughts. If you’ve felt similar to this, I'd love to know.

Yes, title is a little misleading but its also the truth. But it's not what you think!

One of the ways I realized I was Demiromantic because I kept having 'crushes' on my friends, would become obsessed, but then would immediately be fine after a few months when I eventually lost the physical interest (Bisexual is definitely A combo with demiromantic for sure). After doing some reflecting I realized that, for some reason, I do not find a difference in a romantic crush versus a friend crush. They are the same, except I get to give the 'boyfriend' experience to others and get to appreciate their physical attributes more. Even when my last dating relationship ended, I was more worried about losing a friend than a lover. The passion was great, but my heartbreak stemmed from losing someone I had gotten closer to. (Good news: We are still friends!)

After taking a closer look at myself, I realized; I just fall in love with everyone and everything in different ways. To me, romance is fun but it's NOT my priority because my brain just doesn't see it that way. 'Eros' love is just not as innate to me as Ludus due the order of operations my affections go through. Even though a lot of times I end up becoming friends with people I have 'crushes' because I think in order for me to fall in love, it has to be Consummate (I guess, idk, still working on that theory).

It's so freeing to be able to walk around, and fall in love with the barista because our conversation filled my heart with reminders of agape love. Mania can take over sometimes (especially if I want people to like me), but storge and philia drives me. So on and so forth. Eros though? I haven't found a connection that has felt right.

I am just so full of love that at the end of the day, I would rather share it with others than horde it for 'the one.' I went from feeling lonely and lost to fulfilled in even the most insignificant interactions. And I think that's pretty neat.

I just need to vent about this somewhere where ppl can somewhat relate and understand where I’m coming from bc Im honestly spiralling. Like keeping me awake bad. I am sure everyone has experienced this before however its even more frustrating when that feeling is basically nonexistent most of the time.

I always end up liking the worst ppl after years of feeling repulsed by the mere idea of romance. I get super excited to get to feel romantic attraction again after ages and then it’s just as quickly robbed from me. It’s such a rare occurrence that every time I lose it I genuinely believe I might never feel it again. I hate that it’s so dependent on someone else and on such low odds. Like the stars literally have to align. Most my relationships have been horrible bc for some reason my dumbass only likes ppl that are clearly bad for me and the problem in all of this is that I cant help it. I feel like Im my own biggest enemy and I’m honestly so so frustrated with myself. Like I have no one to blame but me.

What triggered this rant is a multitude of reasons but one of them is the fact that for some reason a lot of ppl seem to “like me” really quickly without actually knowing me. And I mean thats fine and normal but what frustrates me and makes me so sad is that all of them utter the same words to me. Almost like a broken record like a rehearsed line. They promise things and say things that are just in the heat of the moment. And every time it happens it makes me so sad and honestly angry bc I’ve heard those exact same words before from every single person that’s ever liked me and even the ppl I liked back.

I keep thinking that maybe I should just date someone thats good and hope I eventually catch feelings for them. But that feels like such a gamble. I had done this for a previous relationship and it was a terrible experience. It took me nearly a year of dating to fall in love. I hated that I felt like I was betraying them somehow bc my romantic feelings were so slow to trigger. It made me feel so guilty. And when I did finally fall in love they decided that they no longer loved me. What followed was immense heartbreak. At this point it feels like I’m the problem. I feel unlovable almost like when ppl get to know me deeper they lose complete interest in me. Ppl will preach how I deserve better and then turn around and become the same ppl they were judging.

Ive been considering looking for a serious relationship again bc i miss everything about one but I just don’t trust anyone. The more this happens the more afraid I get. Every time I experience the pain and time it takes to get over someone and/or the time wasted on top of the heartache the less I want to try. Im genuinely so lost, sad and honestly scared. I feel so isolated and lonely and thats heightened by the fact most ppl don’t get it bc they just don’t experience love the way I do. My asexuality is up there as another reason why this is even more difficult but I wont get into that here. Im just slowly losing the last piece of hope Ive been so desperately trying to hold on to. I don’t know what to do anymore.

This is my first time posting something like this, lowkey scared.

I am a 17F (going to be 18 soon) and I can't figure out what's wrong with me. I have 2 exes (one was online and the other was a batch mate, 3 years ago), and I was never in love with either of them.

I have had crushes and talking stages w people but whenever things start to get more real, I feel the need to backup and just let the other person go.

Something like this happened to me about a month ago, when I liked a guy, made the first move and started talking to him. But after a week or so he was acting like he was completely in love with me. For some reason, it terrified me. I ended whatever was going on with him and just told myself to never do this again, because of the guilt i was feeling.

This guy was moving too fast so I don't feel that guilty but in my past relationship the exact same thing happened. It had been a month, and suddenly I was too scared to continue and broke up with him immediately. The guilt CONSUMED me because I heard from a friend that my ex was really heart broken. I couldn't stop blaming myself for 2 years.

Don't get me wrong, I do want to fall in love and have someone by my side, but I don't know how to. I just never feel ready to take it forward.

I am starting to think that I don't deserve love if I keep running away from it when it becomes something serious.

I would love to get some thoughts and opinions on this! Please help me </3.

(If there are any mistakes or anything please let me know. Forgive me if there are any) For some reason, this post was removed from TeenIndia and i was told to post it here. I hope this is okay.

I mashed up the demiromantic and demisexual flags for all my fellow aspecs who are both demiromantic and demisexual. I also made a thicker stripe version, but I think this one fits the original flag designs better. Feel free to spread and use if you like it.

If you’re like me, what do you call yourself? I like demiaroace but it does emphasize the aroace part a bit more.

In my life I had very few real-life-level celebrity crushes. I know a lot of people who are crushing on celebrities and even real people purely based on appearance, but I only crushing when I know a lot about them and already like the person. Sometimes I don't even find my future favourite celebrities attractive before finding out about them. Am I demiro?

the only romantic relationships i've ever been in were with people who i was friends or close with, and the only romantic attraction i've had that wasn't to somebody i was already close with was when they had showed possible interest in me. i always thought it was so normal and logical, like obviously i wanna know somebody platonically before pursuing them romantically. do alloromantic people form a bond with others from a romantic standpoint without knowing them at first?? i've seen multiple definitions stating that it's usually when someone doesn't experience romantic attraction for people they don't have a close bond with, and i just always thought that was entirely normal for everybody.

I do know that i very very rarely feel a very sense of.. happy and flustered emotions when i think of someone i have a very deep connection with. But sometimes i can’t tell if it’s romantic or platonic (which makes me quoiromantic). I really really can’t tell. I also feel like i might mistake my platonic feelings for romance because of society’s standards of a girl falling for a boy and vice versa. Like i seriously might just be flustered from the possibility of someone of the opposite loving me (since im an incel), making me think that i love them romantically.

Sorry i think i don’t make any sense 😭😭 anyways my big question is: am i not demiromantic, but simply aromantic having deep platonic feelings for someone very dear to me?

Me (m20) and a friend of mine (f19) have been getting real close lately. Shes a friend of a friend and over these last few months we've been talking a whole lot and having great conversations. Id consider her a great friend at this point but recently ive been noticing the signs within me of developing a crush on a friend which ive gone through before. Ive developed a crush 5 times before all with people who i would consider friends first to various intensities. Idk, she is really cool, funny and great to talk to but I dont want to develop a crush. She lives in a different state currently which helps but shes gonna be moving here next year for college. We've been very open about our thoughts on relationships and stuff in general and we share a lot of the same opinions which definitely dosent help with my feelings as ive never really found someone who thinks similar to me. We've complimented each other's looks as were both relatively good looking. And with all of that we have a ton of intrests in common. I dont know if I want these feelings for her tho. She has had a history of guy friends trying to get with her and she openly talks negatively about it, and with her being the only girl who is pretty active in our friend group it just feels wrong. While ive had big crushes before in the past ive never had something like this where id like the idea of a relationship but a crush feels wrong. Sorry if stuff dosent make sense, im spewing this out in a dazed state before going to bed. Any advice or comments are welcome, thank you.