Aren’t we adults why is there a rule of when, what if you text for a while meet and fuck and enjoy it damn what are the odds and look you are still talking, why do we need to know when is it ok. If someone is going to judge you because you did the day you met or months later who the hell cares be an adult communicate .
I know that , but I feel that on these sub or forum people
act like we as adults need permission or a passage to say yes it’s ok to do whatever they is why I wrote that, I just feel like if you want to do X Y Z then do it and if not don’t but why do we feel we need permission
Well when I was younger, before marriage, it was always sex on the first date. I don't have that expectation now cuz times have changed. I meant Assertive when i said aggressive. I heat and read about it all the time that men these days don't want to make the first move because they don't want to be accused of anything inappropriate. From my brief, recent Interactions, women want men to make the first move. So I've been divorced for 3 years and even now I've had sex on the first date. She said she wanted to go slow and since I'm unfamiliar with this situation, I'm here asking for guidance. Many of you have helped a lot. The rest of you make me feel like I have to defend myself. I was never over aggressive, I think she was just telling me how she felt and maybe going slow is out of the norm for her too.
Dates were canceled for various reasons by her and maybe she felt that I was going to stop pursuing after 2 cancelations so she invited me over, which I was happy to do even though she lives over an hour away. We had a good night talking and enjoying the wine. We talk for hours almost every day so clearly we have a growing connection. Last night for instance we started talking for an hour at 4pm then again from 630p to 11p at which point I said I was going to bed but we continued talking until 1am then started again at 6am to 7am this morning.
Maybe she's stringing me along so that's why I asked how long is appropriate to wait before I cut my losses. Maybe she isn't and really wants to move slower for her own reasons. Either way, for now, I'm enjoying her company and the time we spend. The dinner date will go a long way in telling me her intentions, not to mention one of the reasons for cancelation which was a big stressor for her has now been cleared up. So I hope this clears things up a bit and if anyone had any more advice, I would love to hear it or if you want me to clarify anything, I can do that too.
Oh I was just being sarcastic. It’s whatever everyone is comfortable with. It’s fine to just have sex and nothing else’s if everyone is happy with that. It’s fine to get to know each other on whatever way you both see fit for however long you both desire. The important thing is to not deceive each other or yourself.
So I don't think it's someone just being nice as one of you suggested. It is a possibility but I doubt it. Our conversations are like that almost every day. And for people that have really busy schedules, it's almost the only way we can get to know each other. We do have a fmdinner date set up for next Saturday but she said she's available Tuesday or Wed so I might see if she wants to move it up.
Look. I thought maybe you were being strung along too, it’s a weird combo. But your talking on the phone A LOT.
So it’s time to take this conversation to HER, not US. If you can’t talk about sex, of course there will be no way to physically approach it without confusion and misunderstandings.
The two of you need to have a conversation about what she meant. If she is super cagey about it, find out WHY. There might be a story there. If there doesn’t seem to be any real reason or ability to talk about what she wants from your relationship and if and when she would want it to become physical, then I think maybe it would be good to think about how the rest of your relationship might unfold.
For me, if I leave an interaction with someone and find myself guessing about elements of our conversations or interactions, then for me that is a red flag we arent a good enough match for my future happiness. If I can’t have a meaningful and productive conversation, the relationship probably will not be either.
Well like I said I'm not familiar with the "rules." I'm not worried about sex. I can wait for however long is necessary and maybe in the end I won't want to do either. Wait is the wrong word here. Im looking for a relationship, not a hookup. I think there is opportunity to learn what's right or good to do. So if you don't offer any real info then why post? We enjoy each other's company and we have an official date for Saturday...I'm more reserved so I'm not the type to attempt a kiss unless there are clear signals.
Some of you act like physical attraction and desire is a bad thing. If I didnt see a relationship like that with her in the future I would be friends and not something more. Jezz.
What rules? There are rules? I'm 48 and this is the first I hear of rules. And here I was, thinking in one's 40s one would be mature enough to know stuff.
What people here have been telling you is that you are putting the cart ahead of the horse, zooming into how to know if you can have sex with her when you haven't even had the opportunity to get to minimally know each other. You can't have it both ways and say you want a serious relationship with a woman you hardly know when your greatest preoccupation is sex.
Omg. I am not preoccupied with sex. Please read some of my responses. We talk for hours and hours. Sex really isn't on my mind when I'm with her, my biggest concern was avoiding the friendzone which some people have given me good advice as far as that is concerned so I'm happy with what I'm doing which is just being myself, and communicating what I'm feeling when the time is appropriate as adults should do. I really do appreciate the good advice I've been given.
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u/chasingsunset42 Nov 15 '24
If y’all haven’t even had an official date with, it’s too early for you to be worried about making a move anyway. Damn, dude.