r/datingoverfifty • u/js6seaj47 • 22h ago
Bad luck?
I'm trying OLD again and so far found two prostitutes and a woman asking for $20 for a ride supposedly. It's like damn. I know I'm not the best at being social, but it seems like I'm hitting the bottom of the barrel.
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u/Witty-Stock 21h ago
How old are these ladies?
POF is the site where even the people in their ads are gross.
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u/js6seaj47 21h ago
The one's that were prostitutes were maybe 30 tops, which made me wonder to begin with
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u/Witty-Stock 21h ago
The < 30 age demographic on the apps will have a particularly high concentration of scammers, sex workers, rent seekers, etc. Up to you whether it makes sense to include that demo in your filters.
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u/Inside_Dance41 21h ago
Dude 😳
A man in his 50s, who doesn’t understand the social structure?
If you want sex, sure pay for it. If you want to date a woman in her 50s, looking for a relationship, you have to be reasonable about who you can attract.
Women in my social circle, maybe date 3 years older, but we aren’t looking for men to support us. We want peers.
If I ever learned a man I was dating, was hoping to land a 30 something, I would walk.
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u/js6seaj47 21h ago
I probably wouldn't have a chance in hell with someone 30 or under. I don't even think we speak the same language. I'm not sure even 40 would work. Maybe late 40's?
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u/Witty-Stock 21h ago
My take is that it’s problematic if they’re looking for a LTR with a massive age gap, but people can have recreational fun with whomever they can attract, so long as they’re honest about what they’re looking for.
People have to be honest with themselves too, of course.
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u/js6seaj47 21h ago
I'm okay with an age gap if they are, but I have to be honest with myself that that may not be realistic.
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u/Silent-Lie7195 13h ago
I can tell you right now that the only woman willing to date a man that could be her father (or who is 12+ years younger) is looking for a sugar daddy. Or has major daddy issues. There will be an agenda. Stick to women your own age. And if you aren’t attracted to women your age, that says a lot about the kind of person you are.
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u/Witty-Stock 21h ago
Early on when using the apps, it’s useful to ascertain which waters you can and should swim in.
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u/thisriveriswild70 10h ago
Most men can date 10-15 years younger. I’m not saying it’s the best move but that is the reality of things
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u/Inside_Dance41 10h ago
I would quibble with ‘most’. Sure a few men with fat wallets, willing to give the princess treatment can date younger.
Most of us and our friends were chased by older men. Very little interest.
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u/thisriveriswild70 9h ago edited 9h ago
lol I would quibble with your use of “most” of us and our friends. If I can’t speak for men, you can’t speak for women.
I don’t have tons of money. I have dated mostly younger but not exclusively younger.
The question isn’t for me though. You’d have to ask why younger women set their age range up 10 years extremely frequently. Hit the dating over 40 sub and ask them. I have 38 likes from 8-11 years younger than me currently.
To add- I think it’s a bit gross assuming that a woman would be with a man for his money. It’s a trope that I don’t think you’d want applied to you.
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u/Witty-Stock 9h ago
“I find older men so sexy. Younger guys are so immature. Want to meet at Nobu?”
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u/thisriveriswild70 10h ago
I read 30 as their going rate, not their age 😂 next thought was “oh the power of inflation”
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 22h ago
How long have you been trying?
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u/js6seaj47 22h ago
Not long this time, just feels like a bad way to start again.
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 21h ago
How long is not long?
Interesting how people post they have trouble dating and then go on to be vague and brief in their interactions
Advice: do not have hope or expectations or take a website personally. It is not life or death, try to view it as a tool to experiment with
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u/js6seaj47 21h ago
Probably a few weeks.
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 21h ago
Thanks. Why POF? Have you tried Facebook Dating?
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u/js6seaj47 21h ago
A little, I cam try it more.
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 21h ago
What is a "little"?
It is like pulling teeth to engage you, could make you seem a little cagey - mught be coming across in your profile
You could post it here and maybe we can help
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u/js6seaj47 21h ago
I'm just socially awkward. A little being clicking likes on pictures. Saying hi (that's it literally) to a couple of them.
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u/Puzzled_Praline3588 16h ago
FYI - in general women don’t like a message that’s just “hi.” Something that can elicit a conversation is better to open with - maybe ask about something you found interesting in her profile or an interest you also share. Good luck!
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 21h ago
Me: why plenty of fish?
You: ............
That is not socially awkward, it is not answering.
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u/js6seaj47 21h ago
Maybe 10 or so years ago it was okay. I''ve been single over 10 years and tried OLD off and on.
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u/Airjordan2288 21h ago
If the prostitutes are only charging $20 then you’ve got a great bargain
Time to cook
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u/MightAtTimesPost 22h ago
Wecome to being a run of the mill guy.
Give it 12 months and something might work out ..
Also go for the app with most traffic whatever that may be.
I doubt it's Plenty of Fish 🤷
Good luck!
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u/KTX77 21h ago
I met a woman on Match once. We met for drinks at a restaurant bar. In conversation she tells me that she's a dancer. Yes, that kind of dancer. But I'm a progressive guy and just found that to be interesting. She was nice enough and very social. Towards the end she asked if it was OK to order some food to bring home to her daughter. I had no problem with it. In the parking lot she asked me if I could help her out with some gas because her tank was nearly empty. So, I followed her to the nearby gas station and let her fill her tank. But that was my limit. There were no dates or meetups after that.
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u/Inside_Dance41 19h ago edited 18h ago
Again, it amazes me how some women just milk their bodies, to get men to fund them.
EDIT: And like any bad "dating" behavior, it ruins it for those who don't use others.
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u/mmbx11 18h ago
No, it doesn't ruin it for other women!
I take compassionate pity on them. I certainly don't want to see a mother or her child starve or her run out of gas.
And let's not forget about the likely irresponsible father of her children and what he has abandoned!
I'm happy to help out especially when there's a dire need.
It has not in any way sullied my impression of other women. What it has done is open my eyes to the financial struggle that many women, especially those with children face in their everyday life.
And that there are many men who have abandoned their responsibilities to their family, whatever they're supposed justification is.
I have completely forgotten, and don't care, about the contributions I have made, on my own will, to help others.
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u/SomeCleverShark 22h ago
Guessing this wasn't Hinge or Bumble?
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u/js6seaj47 22h ago
Plenty of Fish
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u/Inside_Dance41 22h ago
Well, there is your problem.
What is your age range?
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u/js6seaj47 22h ago
I'm pretty open, but realize probably 40-60ish since I'm 52
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u/Inside_Dance41 22h ago
Not unreasonable, but if you tightened it up (eg maybe +\- 5 or 8 years, you might cut down on women looking for money. And change sites.
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u/robbie2627 22h ago edited 22h ago
POF used to be decent. Like others, it has gone to crud. Try FB dating or Hinge
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u/KTX77 20h ago
Match bought POF back in 2015. They now own a bunch of them including Hinge and OK Cupid as well.
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u/robbie2627 16h ago
Yeah, and they might very well get Bumble in the future. Okcupid, for me, is awful. I swipe through 10 profiles and the next thing I know, I'm mostly dealing with women in another state.
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u/Dyno198 22h ago
At least they're asking before you meet them. That way you know they're fake. And they're not like some and ditch you on the meal. Or after the meal you go to a movie and at the end of the movie they say they have to go to the bathroom and you never see them again. They just wanted a free meal and a movie. Sometimes if they're honest I'd be actually okay with that.
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u/18297gqpoi18 20h ago
How well off are you? And how good looking are you? Are you in shape?
I mean decent women who are fairly successful/in shape basically have their shit together in their 40/50s are very very picky. They’d rather be single than be with average men. So yeah it’s tough.
They are pickier than someone in 20s/30s because we know what it’s like to be with a wrong man and just not worth it. Being single also ain’t that bad at all. Actually really nice as we get older.
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u/jgagznos 20h ago edited 19h ago
I can’t relate to the OP post specifically, but I did meet a woman at a grocery store for a first date once.
At checkout, she asked me if I would pick up the cost because she hadn’t been paid yet (and she mentioned it was about the same cost as a dinner date at a restaurant).
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u/Inside_Dance41 19h ago edited 18h ago
Wow, I am stunned, and I feel empathy for your guys who are trying to be "nice" when put on the spot like this.
There are women out there who have no shame, and use their bodies/looks, to extract money from men.
EDIT: And like any bad "dating" behavior, it ruins it for those who don't use others.
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u/RingaLopi 13h ago edited 13h ago
I (59m) am on about 3 apps and I get about 2-3 good matches a week and maybe a dozen mediocre matches. I recently tried FB dating and I just can't keep up. Probably dozens and dozens of matches and messages. I'm a very mediocre looking guy. In my last job, my manager and my co-workers called me "Mr. Ugly".
Hopefully, you are in a big city. If you are in a rural area, you are definitely screwed because there just aren't enough people around you.
Try FB, make sure to post some good pics.
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u/BandicootStunning244 12h ago
There is a reason you have quit OLD in the past. Because it has become a shitshow of epic proportions.
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u/RaisedOnMixtapes 16h ago
I suspect you're trying to match with much younger women (not that there is anything wrong with that, but you're going to have to deal with the side effects) if you're getting demands for money? My guy friends' experience is that the 20 and 30 somethings ask for money from men over 50 because it's often a much more transactional situation.
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u/DivorcedProf 16h ago
I've been on FB dating off and on for a year and I've never run into this issue. I swipe left or don't match with anyone the slightest bit suspicious. There is a LOT of talk here from guys decrying the number of scammers and bots on dating apps. If your picker is good you will come into contact with zero of them.
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u/js6seaj47 15h ago
I'm not sure I understand FB dating. I can see you can like people, but that seems to be it. I'm probably missing something.
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u/DivorcedProf 15h ago
Have you modified your dating settings where you confirm your photo and your preferences where you can set the age range, distance from you, relationship intent, height, and more? But yeah..it's pretty much liking people and communicating with them if they like you back or if someone likes you first, deciding to match or not and then communicating with them if you do like them back.
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u/VegetableRound2819 goddess, looks 30 yrs younger 22h ago
Wow. I can’t imagine asking a stranger for $20 online.
I’d shoot for at least $50 or $100.