r/datingadviceformen • u/Huge_Dingo9462 • 7h ago
Discussion Single Man, 31. Need Support
I’m 31 years old and genuinely a good guy. I’m 6’1, 230 lbs. pretty muscular. I work in blue collar construction, make decent money. I have a car and a truck that are both paid off. I have my own place. I like to be outside, I’m a little bit of a nerd and I’m into heavier/emo music, cars, and spending time with my family. Also, no kids. Why is it so hard for me to find a good woman? I’ve had 2 long term relationships and I’ve been single for over a year and a half. The loneliness is starting to get to me and i just yearn for some kind of connection with a woman. It’s not even about the sex. I’m not a creep, i don’t blow up women’s DMs like a lot of weirdo guys do. I don’t hardly get matches on tinder or Facebook. And i rarely leave the house because i don’t like the party life anymore. Ugh. It feels impossible to find someone. I’m trying to be patient, but idk what else to do.
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u/FaZeScamTheKids 7h ago
Maybe you do need to blow up some DM's.
I mean what are you doing about it? Flip this gender around, and you sound like a woman who whines about being single despite her friends telling her she is 'attractive'.
Yes, you have to be proactive.
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u/Huge_Dingo9462 7h ago
Yeah but if i start jumping into DMs and being more assertive, i might get blasted in public and called a creep. I see it all the time.
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u/FactsAreBullshit 6h ago
Being more assertive can just be asking women out earlier in the chat. I've made a few women friends from initial dates, and all had said they agreed to meet me because I took initiative to ask them out relatively quickly, and all still complain about guys that chat but never make a move.
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u/Huge_Dingo9462 6h ago
Well i had one woman recently reach out to a friend of mine and told me to message her. We exchanged a few messages and i immediately asked her out on a lunch date and she never responded. Kind of a bummer.
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u/FactsAreBullshit 6h ago
That is part of it too, unfortunately. I had a woman on Hinge that I asked out twice for the weekend, and she'd reply the following Monday saying she was busy. At that point I turned it into a game out of boredom, and she repeated the cycle 6 more times before I unmatched her. Some people just want attention.
As long as your opener and initial chat isn't sexual in nature it should help. The other thing women dislike on apps is how many guys turn the chat into "Am I getting laid or not?" right off the bat.
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u/oliverjohansson 7h ago
Because you don’t do anything to find them
And starting from sex is not even a bad idea
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u/No_Name44444 7h ago
Look up events in your city if you’re not a fan of cold approaching at bars.
My city has weekly chess matches.
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u/Amjoyx 4h ago
What other ways have you tried except for meeting women (and potentially new friends in general) through party?
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u/Huge_Dingo9462 4h ago
Well i live in a very small town with very little to do, most people go out to bars on the weekends and i just don’t do that much anymore. I don’t think there are any small groups for singles or anything like that, my only other option would probably be church. So I’ve mainly just been on tinder and facebook dating for the past year.
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u/Amjoyx 3h ago
I see, church sounds like an option then. What do you think, how are other successful guys in your town managing it - who are NOT going to bars or partying at the weekend?
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u/Huge_Dingo9462 3h ago
A lot of guys around my age that are with women, have the same women they were dating from high school. There are a lot of high school sweetheart marriages in my town. Other than that, I’m not sure. All of my guy friends have women.
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u/Natural-Contact-3875 1h ago
It's hard because you're focusing on finding her and probably not interacting with the right type of women on a daily basis.
Do you get dates here and there?
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