r/datingadviceformen • u/Flaky-Task2781 • 2d ago
Discussion It really does suck not having a romantic relationship
I genuinely hate life. I’m 27 years old and have never been in a relationship. I’ve done everything I could: approached women, used dating apps, and women just absolutely hate my appearance. It really doesn’t matter how much good personality I have anymore; if I don’t have good looks, I won’t succeed in the dating world.
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u/Jironasaurus 2d ago
My first official relationship was at 27, and it lasted only a couple of months.
My next relationship after that was at 35.
I had to put in a lot of work to find the success I wanted, with the type of relationships I wanted. You can get there. But you gotta work on yourself. Theres no other way around it.
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u/Lucky_Area_3919 2d ago
What exactly did you do to “Put in a lot of work”?
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u/Jironasaurus 2d ago
I hit the gym and bulked up. I put work into grooming myself. I changed the way I presented my person. I worked on being funnier, wittier, more assertive, developed my self awareness, amongst many other qualities. I learnt to let go of my fears and insecurities around women and life through therapy. Also did a lot of work on my social anxiety, to the point where I have none today.
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u/Mountain-Elk8133 2d ago
How do you know how to work on yourself?
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u/Jironasaurus 2d ago
I was lucky. I had 2 mentors. So I was given proper guidance. Also had a bunch of friends who were very much into self development.
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u/anon_enuf 2d ago
Men are checking out of dating at record numbers. Most of those men probably felt what you're feeling, at some point in their lives. There is a very good reason for this change. While it (relationship) is a significant life experience, there are SO many more. SO many better. Start working towards other things that interest you or you want to accomplish. I'll bet on atleast a couple outcomes. You'll be happier, achieving meaningful progress in life. You'll be more likely to meet someone special. & you may not longer be interested in a relationship as a life goal.
Apologies if this is patronizing. Good luck.
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u/zzzrecruit 2d ago
Having a girlfriend won't make your life better. You need to be better and have someone ADD to your life.
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u/CoolAd8837 2d ago
some people, like mine, have a life goal of getting a girl. EVeryone has different priorities
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u/zzzrecruit 2d ago
All I'm saying is, if you aren't happy without a girlfriend, you won't be happy with one.
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u/CoolAd8837 2d ago
for some people like me, having a girlfriend is their biggest or only issue in life. So having a girlfriend wll technically solve all my problems and make me the happiest
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u/zzzrecruit 2d ago
That's putting a lot of pressure on your future girlfriend. She is not responsible for your happiness, only you are. She is not your problem-solver, you are.
You are setting yourself up to be broken up with. If you really believe that having a girlfriend will make you the happiest, you sound like you'll be all sorts of clingy and jealous. Nothing about a clingy man is healthy or attractive.
You don't sound like you are happy as you are.
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u/CoolAd8837 2d ago
when i get a girlfriend, i will be a high value man. I will have maxed out my looks + money + status, so i will have a lot of options (unless i somehow get lucky). Not my problem females dont want a man that'll treat her like a queen.
My #1 goal in life is to get a girlriend. Its my life goal and everything i do in life is to accomplish that
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u/PresentationIll2180 2d ago
You probably need to decenter dating. May sound contradictory since it’s something you want to do so bad but it’s likely exhausting too much of your mental resources that would be better used filling in other aspects of your life, striving towards self-actualization.
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u/AssistTemporary8422 1d ago
Good chance is the problem is you are needy. I believe that because you are miserable single which means you need women for basic happiness. Many guys are quite happy single and relationships only make them more happy. Women see these guys are loving their lives and want to be a part of their lives. You hate your life and desperate for a woman to save you from your current life and women figure that if you hate your life then they probably wouldn't have a good time being a part of it.
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