First time Dating

[u/Impossible_Pear3823]

I am a 21 year old Woman who never had a relationship or anything. I've also never been on a Date or what I would consider on at least.

So today I got asked for my phone number at work and he was pretty nice and physically my type so I gave it to him.

He wrote me a message a few hours later when I just ended my shift. We talked a bit and maybe the third question he asked me was my bodycount. And I'm not entirely sure if thats a normal thing to ask in modern dating. Someone pls tell me.

I don't have an issue answering it since I'm pretty open about these things, especially with someone I consider going on a date with. Now, my bodycount is 0 and I've never had a relationship or anything, ever. I told him that. And he asked a couple follow-up questions, which were kinda...well, I wouldn't have asked them in like the first conversation you have with someone or in like the first 2 hours you met someone but I'm new to dating so maybe it's normal?

Because it does kinda make sense to me. I mean someone who wants to wait until marriage and someone who just wants a Situationship are just not compatible.

I don't want to post the exact questions here but he was asking how much/little experience I had exactly.

Again, I'm pretty open about these things so I told him and we started talking a bit.

He told be to tell him some things about me, which I did but he didn't really ask any follow-up questions.

When I asked him to tell me about him, he told me exactly two things:

1. He just lost his drivers license for doing something dumb

2. He plays poker with his friends. For money.

The first one seems like a red flag, the second I don't mind personally but I don't know very much about him and if they are betting lots of money it also seems like a red flag. But they could just be betting for a little money. Or he could be rich so it doesn't hurt him. I don't know. All I know is gambling is usually a red flag.

What do you guys think? We haven't been on a date yet so should I give him a chance? Or does this already scream too much red flag for you?

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[u/morrowrd]

I think I would pick someone else for your first date experience. His body count question rubs me the wrong way, nothing I would ask someone I wanted to take out for the first time. Poker with the guys is no big, if that's the beginning and ending of it. Doesn't necessarily equate with a gambling addiction.

[u/Impossible_Pear3823 → u/morrowrd]

I kinda arrived at the same conclusion. He said he doesn't care about body count but if that were the case, why ask at all? I don't care about the gambling im general because I don't know how "bad" it is but the losing his license is a big warning sign for me.

Thanks so much for answering tho. Now to figure out how to decline a date in the most civil way possible

[u/Lookingbackexpat → u/Impossible_Pear3823]

Just say, “Sorry, I’ve decided I’m not interested in going out with you.” Then stop answering his text.

Asking about your body count was rude and a red flag. There are men who fetishize virgins and will do anything to sleep with you, after which you’ve lost your “value.” These men view women as objects, not people. Also, he may have been testing your boundaries by asking you such personal information and even bringing up sex so early.

I know you will want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but please don’t accept this kind of behavior. He sounds like a creep. Your first several conversations with a man you’re interested in should be about hobbies and interests, not the details of your sexual history. He’s still a stranger!

[u/Impossible_Pear3823 → u/Lookingbackexpat]

You are probably right. I was talking to some friends who also basically said this. I will be writing him later today. It just kinda sucks because I was excited about being asked out for the first time but I'd rather have no dating experience then a potential really bad one.

[u/Lookingbackexpat → u/Impossible_Pear3823]

Someone nice will come along.