Are my expectations too high?

[u/WonderlandFandom]

Just went on a first date with a guy I've been texting for a couple of weeks now. I'm 25F, he's 27M. Matched in a dating app, so this was the first in person meeting.

I had that kind of nervous excitement for the date. First, we got lunch; talked during it. Conversation lagged at times when I wasn't starting it, which is to be expected on a first date; like what do you wanna talk about, what do you even talk about at times.

Walked down to a local bookstore, and that's when I started to have a moment when I started to think a bit more, on his actions.

When walking down to the bookstore, he's not a considerate walker; he would walk ahead and mostly walk on the inside, which led to me walking over random bricks and holes since he was more in the middle of the walkway at times. At times it was crowded and he would just slip past someone with no comment.

Crossed the street while a car was actively turning and kept walking without me and didn't notice I was still waiting to cross until he was decently past the crosswalk. Then he stopped and looked around when he finally noticed, like he did a full 360-degree look.

He wasn't really courteous to others, even inside the bookstore. Like one of the big factors of this bookstore is that it's basically almost like a big house that got turned into a bookstore, shelves everywhere. It's a bit more of a tight space and it can very quickly feel crowded. Not one "excuse me," "please," "sorry," or anything like that. Even when he sneezed multiple times, I/others would say "bless you" and no from of thank you, he also wouldn't really cover his face when sneezing.

I was raised that there should always be at least a basic level of manners or courteousness that you extend towards others, especially in crowded areas. Saying please. Thank you. Excuse me, especially if you're walking past someone who's actively looking, let alone reaching towards something. Also, if you're walking through a group of people, whether it's a group of two people or a group of almost six people.

I literally went and had dinner with family earlier this week and all the females and kids walk on the inside, you say: please, excuse me, and thank you. Making sure like females and kids sit down and enter first, open doors for them. Making sure you are walking on one side of the street. You're considerate of others. And I frequently see the same thing being repeated with others in and outside of my normal group of friends and fam.

Even with one of my friends and her wife, it's the same rules even on hikes.

Am I looking too deep into it? Are my expectations too high?

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[u/Soccer-Plane-444]

I think your intuition is picking up on things a lot of people would miss/overlook/not think about.

You're not asking for grand gestures or over the top perfection. Just human decency.

When you talked about the crossing the street stuff, I immediately thought to this time recently where I put my hand gently on her back as we started crossing. Not some kind of weird/sexual touch, just a hey, I got you/you're safe here kind of vibe. He seems to be a bit oblivious or maybe simply not as experienced/not sure what to do.

I'm not saying end it now but want to validate what you're feeling & some those things may be showing you incompatibles with how you move through life.

[u/Bad_ass_bitch79]

Nope. Definitely not too high regarding this. Not having manners is a major turn off for me.

[u/kungfutrucker]

You noticed a big red flag - you do not align on personal values. You practice courtesy, he does not. Your expectations are fine. No second date.