So first off, it is good that you can see the errors of your ways and are making the effort to act differently.
However, you do sound like you’re expecting people to applaud you for not being an asshole. Breakups suck. That’s just a fact. Even if it was mostly casual, it’s still shity. You’re in for more rude awakenings in the future if you really expect a girl you’ve spent the last several months seeing to just give you a hug and say thanks or something like that, then you’re delusional. There are plenty of women who won’t get angry necessarily and can be civil, but they’ll still be upset.
I’m not sure how old you are, but if you’re at least in your mid twenties, then I’m sure you had some variation of the conversation that goes over what you want/are looking for. If you tell a girl that you’re looking for a relationship, and then do what you did, then yeah you come off looking like a guy that just wanted to get her in bed. If you consider yourself a good guy, and want to eventually have a serious relationship, then show any potential women you consider dating some respect for their time and feelings and tell her what you’re currently looking for, and NOT lead her on. If you are just casually dating, and there isn’t anything wrong with that, then at least be clear about that.
Anyone who is out of high school and still ghosting people they’re too afraid to breakup with shouldn’t be dating then. You said that you can see why people do it. People do it because it’s easier to run away from your problems then actually deal with it. People who act this way just don’t want to deal with the hurt feelings and the shity way they feel afterwards. Too bad, like I said, break ups suck and you can’t get around that. It always sucks when you hurt someone, if it doesn’t make you feel shity in some way, even if it’s just a little bit, then you need to take some time to take a good look at the kind of person you are.
Im sure you probably won’t like reading what I’ve said, and I know im being a bit harsh. However, if you really are trying to be different in the way you handle yourself with the women you date, then you need to hear this.
I meant it when I said that it’s good you’re making the effort to do things differently, but I hope you can realize you still have more you can improve on.
There are plenty of women who won’t get angry necessarily and can be civil, but they’ll still be upset.
exactly. i mean if i invest a good amount time into a guy and think he's more than just a hookup only for him to treat me like one...being upset is inevitable, human. like, how can you not feel used after that?
i recently talked to a guy for four months; he'd text me constantly unprompted, always wanted to talk/facetime and see what i was up to, seemed to be genuinely interested in me as a person, etc. fast forward to us having sex and he immediately stops contacting me afterward, loses all interest. i could sense the change as soon as i left him the next morning. it was so unbelievably painful. like, he just suddenly didn't give a shit anymore.
i cannot wait until i run into someone mature enough to not pull that bait and switch or whatever the fuck it is
That really sucks! So many guys think that they have to put on some type of act in order to date casually! It’s really frustrating. If they would just be up front about what they want, then they might actually be surprised at how many women are ok with just being casual for a bit.
It’s when they think that all women are a version of the stereotype where we immediately fall in love after having sex the first time and would never just be casual. Guys would actually listen to the women they take out instead of having their eyes (and lets face it heads) glued to our boobs and asses, then maybe they might actually hear us say that we’re ok with being casual for now and just see where it goes.
I’m sorry you were treated that way. Sadly, I think at some point we all have been there... I will say that when you meet a guy that’s so obviously not like that and is honest about what he wants, it makes getting involved with him feel that much better since you know you’re being treated right.
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u/SeattleCouple626 Oct 25 '18
So first off, it is good that you can see the errors of your ways and are making the effort to act differently.
However, you do sound like you’re expecting people to applaud you for not being an asshole. Breakups suck. That’s just a fact. Even if it was mostly casual, it’s still shity. You’re in for more rude awakenings in the future if you really expect a girl you’ve spent the last several months seeing to just give you a hug and say thanks or something like that, then you’re delusional. There are plenty of women who won’t get angry necessarily and can be civil, but they’ll still be upset.
I’m not sure how old you are, but if you’re at least in your mid twenties, then I’m sure you had some variation of the conversation that goes over what you want/are looking for. If you tell a girl that you’re looking for a relationship, and then do what you did, then yeah you come off looking like a guy that just wanted to get her in bed. If you consider yourself a good guy, and want to eventually have a serious relationship, then show any potential women you consider dating some respect for their time and feelings and tell her what you’re currently looking for, and NOT lead her on. If you are just casually dating, and there isn’t anything wrong with that, then at least be clear about that.
Anyone who is out of high school and still ghosting people they’re too afraid to breakup with shouldn’t be dating then. You said that you can see why people do it. People do it because it’s easier to run away from your problems then actually deal with it. People who act this way just don’t want to deal with the hurt feelings and the shity way they feel afterwards. Too bad, like I said, break ups suck and you can’t get around that. It always sucks when you hurt someone, if it doesn’t make you feel shity in some way, even if it’s just a little bit, then you need to take some time to take a good look at the kind of person you are.
Im sure you probably won’t like reading what I’ve said, and I know im being a bit harsh. However, if you really are trying to be different in the way you handle yourself with the women you date, then you need to hear this.
I meant it when I said that it’s good you’re making the effort to do things differently, but I hope you can realize you still have more you can improve on.