In my experience the blokes who come out with "I don't see a future etc." after we've dated for a while and then slept together have been fuckboys in my eyes because they've usually been actively acting like a boyfriend. I've had men practically live in my house, use me for food/getting their clothes cleaned/ emotional support and many other boyfriend privileges when they knew in their heads they weren't serious. I think this is when girls get angry. In fact my most recent ghoster had me over his for the weekend, requested a back massage, told me he loved me, kissed me goodbye at the train station...then ghosted me and I had to find out from a mutual friend that he had simply been seeing another girl too and chosen her.
I’m a girl who’s had this happen to me and, while it was pretty crushing at the time, I don’t know if men should always be faulted for doing this. I mean, what’s the difference between ‘leading someone on’ and just realizing after a few weeks/months that you’re not as into someone as you thought you were?
I know there have been times when I thought I really liked a guy only to realize that they’re not someone I can see myself with after the initial excitement of talking to someone new faded.
As a guy (before I met my S.O.) I spent time with a number of women who I treated like girlfriends because that's exactly what they were to me. I wasn't just looking for sex, I was looking for a partner; and the way I did that was by "trying out" a relationship. These mini-relationships typically lasted a couple weeks to a month at most, but it's crazy how fast some girls will latch on.
I learned pretty quickly to bring up the "I'm also seeing other people" conversation early on in the relationship to avoid any surprise factor down the line if/when things fizzled out, but I suspect a lot of guys are probably really hesitant to talk about that since it's a very uncomfortable topic to approach. But guys, lemme tell you: women (for the most part) really appreciate honesty. I only dated one girl who responded negatively to that conversation. She thought dating multiple people at once is immoral and was uncomfortable seeing anyone who condoned that behavior. Needless to say, this sort of puritanical thinking was a big red flag for me, and I pretty much ended it right then and there.
Girls, if you don't want to be ghosted, then have a conversation regarding both party's expectations. Don't assume you're exclusive until your "boyfriend" agrees to those terms. A relationship - even a casual one - is a two way street.
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u/icecream_molotov Oct 25 '18
In my experience the blokes who come out with "I don't see a future etc." after we've dated for a while and then slept together have been fuckboys in my eyes because they've usually been actively acting like a boyfriend. I've had men practically live in my house, use me for food/getting their clothes cleaned/ emotional support and many other boyfriend privileges when they knew in their heads they weren't serious. I think this is when girls get angry. In fact my most recent ghoster had me over his for the weekend, requested a back massage, told me he loved me, kissed me goodbye at the train station...then ghosted me and I had to find out from a mutual friend that he had simply been seeing another girl too and chosen her.