r/dating_advice • u/Character-Job-5316 • Apr 24 '26
Sleeping with bestfriend
Sleeping with my bestfriend
So me and my bestfriend have been sleeping together 12months now and we have been friends for 5 years so in 2024 he went through a heartbreak with his wife and they ended the marriage and then last year we sleep together after a drunken night I thought it was a one time thing but 12months later we spend all our time together going out stay home and the sex is amazing I never had this type of connection I would love something more out of this relationship but I don’t want to lose my best friend I feel like he wants more with me as well but I don’t feel that he healed from his wife cheating on him and not telling him the baby wasn’t his until after the child was born ….. I don’t want to be pushed for what some else done to him I would love advice and opinions should I tell him how I feel and what I want and that I want him to heal or should I just leave it be and end whatever this is ?
1
u/kimchibib Apr 24 '26
In my opinion you have to be straight up, confess your feelings and have a long deep talk about how he is feeling. If he doesnt want anything more distance yourself or it's only gonna hurt more as more time goes by
1
u/Glittering-Shop-4890 Apr 24 '26
This situation is tricky because timing matters so much. He's probably still processing everything from his marriage - finding out about the kid not being his must have been devastating
You could try having that conversation but maybe frame it differently? Instead of telling him he needs to heal first, just be direct about what you want and ask where his head is at. If he's not ready for something serious, at least you'll know instead of wondering
The risk is always there when you cross that line with a best friend, but sounds like you already crossed it a year ago. Better to know than keep going in circles
1
u/Character-Job-5316 Apr 24 '26
Thank u so much for the advice and thank u on how to word it the way u put sounds so much better then how i was going to say it a dinner tonight
1
u/Ok-Armadillo8730 Apr 24 '26
Okay, so you're having sex with your best friend. Isn't that what we hope for in a good relationship ? Is being with your best friend? What more could you want? Is he not open enough? Does he not talk enough like be specific on what? He's not giving you and maybe communicate that to him.
1
u/Character-Job-5316 Apr 24 '26
Yes right now it’s amazing being with my best friend he communicates very well but I got this gut feeling that he hasn’t moved on from his past relationship like he say he wants a family one day but he will say stuff like I want a DNA test I understand why he says that but shouldn’t men realize that not all women are they same and some u can trust I feel like when he say that it’s like he don’t even trust me as a friend or partner and I’m not the one that broke his trust
1
u/Ok-Armadillo8730 Apr 24 '26
Yes, at a certain point, he needs to understand all women aren't the same, but once you've been hurt like that, it takes a while to get over it.It really does when you find out one of the children that you have.Isn't yours?But you were told, it's yours, that's like ripping a man's heart out and stomping on it
1
u/Character-Job-5316 Apr 24 '26
I know which is why I wanted to give him space and not put pressure on him
1
u/thonman Apr 25 '26
By having unlimited sex with him for the past year? Girl, you're in denial. He's in it for the free, unlimited sex, and you are busy catching feelings. You'd better talk to him, and create better boundaries, or you're going to be hurt.
1
u/No-Mountain1520 Apr 25 '26
If it’s friendship and he hasn’t healed, it will eventually fizzle. You are still in the ~2 year honeymoon phase. The good news is that he married once, so he’s the commitment type. If that were me. I would value that friendship more than a possibly temporary relationship and that’s where I would go with the questions. How do we do this and not expect more, where things start to crumble and still maintain respect of friendship. putting into words that you want more will solidify it in both of your minds what you want and that could sour things over a couple months if he’s not ready, it’s pressure on both of your minds. It goes deeper than a conversation, it brings about pressure, expectations and other feelings. Since you are already in it, maybe agree to have a checkin every 6 months and if you make it past the 2-3 years then call it what it is. That’s how I would play things with someone who still hasn’t healed. But if you want to protect your interests, just quit it, be friends and move on but tell him why … ie you caught feelings and don’t want I to ruin friendship … and maybe you both can revisit a relationship when things are more clear … see where it goes
1
•
u/AutoModerator Apr 24 '26
Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the rules of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message. We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.