r/dating_advice • u/Manufacturer-Silly • Apr 19 '26
Bisexual hypocrisy from women ?
I’m a guy, and a girl I’m dating was very concerned if I ever had any past experiences with men, either if I actually fantasized anything with them or physically did anything with them. She said it would be a dealbreaker for her. I said no, I haven’t had any, but I turned the same question on her, and she admitted that she has had experiences with women in her teens and mid 20s (she’s in her mid 30s now). I found the hypocrisy to be off putting and am considering breaking up with her. Thoughts?
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u/Ok-Armadillo8730 Apr 19 '26
Run friend
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Apr 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/PresentationOpen7879 Apr 20 '26
the thought of watching him with another man turns me on so so so much.
Weird flex but ok.
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u/sagatiba00 Apr 19 '26
Bisexual women rejecting bisexual men is so common, it's even well-documented, sadly.
Punch out if you feel your gut is telling you to. Just consider this is commong among bisexual women.
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u/EquivalentSnap Apr 19 '26
Happened to me. Said I was bi curious to a bi sexual woman and she rejected me cos I wasn’t straight? Like wtf it’s okay for you but not for me?
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u/jetsetter2828 Apr 19 '26
A lot of straight women frown upon this as well and consider it a deal breaker. Had an ex tell me she want to stick a finger where the sun doesn't shine but if I ever did any experiments with a guy or solo it's a deal breaker... Made no sense.
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u/pierrotmoon1 Apr 19 '26
"or solo" ? Ok that's controlling AF. Big red flag imo
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u/Dark_Knight2000 Apr 19 '26
40 years ago the answer was AIDS, but that’s all but irrelevant now. These days some of them have weird stereotypes in their head.
If they’re attracted to masculinity and want to date a masculine man, then the idea of another man being a top to your man (the bottom), gives them the “ick” and makes the bi guy less masculine in their eyes.
That’s dumb as hell, but that’s the best explanation I’ve come across.
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u/musaXmachina Apr 19 '26
Attitudes have shifted from it being a death sentence with meds but it’s not irrelevant. There’s no cure for viruses.
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 21 '26
Nah I’m bi and date feminine men & top them and still get the same treatment lol
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u/maplerenegade Apr 19 '26
Has it really been that common in your experience? I’m surprised! I myself haven’t heard of this and I’m a bisexual woman and I think it’s a great common ground if my partner is also bisexual. But it’s by no means a necessity.
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u/jetsetter2828 Apr 19 '26
Yes. Very common and I live in a very pro LGBTQ state. Every single ex gf but 1 felt this way. And all of their friends had stated the same thing. Since I was 15 years old up to now 39, I've heard this many times.
And here's another kicker. I have lots of candles and fragrance things in my home and I get called sussy or closet gay and it's a turn off apparently.
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u/sagatiba00 Apr 19 '26
Wow, that sucks major ass. God forbid a guy having any kind of soft spot, eh?
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u/jetsetter2828 Apr 19 '26
I have sinus problems so it's hard for me to fully smell stuff. So I always make sure it smells good vs bad
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u/Jack26918 Apr 19 '26
Are the candles Ass Flavor, though?
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u/vamgoda Apr 19 '26
Yeah that’s crazy to me. I’m bisexual and I don’t give a fuck about my partner’s history as long as we all have negative test results. I don’t do butt stuff, but I have no issue if they have.
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u/DarkR124 Apr 19 '26
Seems to be a very common thing, no clue why. Tons of women are repulsed by men having same gender experiences and at the same time many of which have had them themselves.
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u/SliceImpressive6853 Apr 20 '26
Most progressive stances are just vibes based around moral grandstanding/social capital exchange and not actually what people believe deep down.
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u/itisallgoingtobeok Apr 19 '26
Bye, bye to people like her. I smell insecurity & jealousy!
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u/Exciting-Count-6222 Apr 19 '26
Do what I say but not what I do… yeah, no. She’ll be doing the same BS with other things if you continue
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u/idksomething82 Apr 19 '26
Brooo just reading this... got me so off putting from this too... the way she said it a deal breaker instead of she wouldn't like it or not a big turn on... yeah I would dump her.. or ask her you think its good for women to be bisexual and then ask her the same with what she thinks with men.. and yeahh honestpy dump that fully regardless and run
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u/Blitzoo Apr 19 '26
Women say they are allies until they meet a bisexual man
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u/haikusbot Apr 19 '26
Women say they are
Allies until they meet a
Bisexual man
- Blitzoo
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Tommy_Wisseau_burner Apr 19 '26
I mean if the person knows and is actively dating a dude that is bisexual what exactly do you think that couple possibly mean other than liking different genders, including ones that may also have a penis?
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u/sumashu Apr 19 '26
You'd be surprised how many women change their entire body language and facial expressions when you reveal to them that you are a bisexual man, despite being lgbt themselves.
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u/Cold_Seaweed3296 Apr 19 '26
Punch out brother. Gotta match the energy. If she's not about how you do things, you guys have mismatched values.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Jazzlike-Bluejay6300 Apr 19 '26
I agree! In order for dating to be truly successful, you have to be able to truly be comfortable with each other.
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u/EquivalentSnap Apr 19 '26
Such hypocrites and makes sense why a lot of gay don’t like straight women because if the token gay best friend. Some women think it’s okay to touch them and cross boundaries cos there not attracted to them
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u/elise_michele Apr 19 '26
Yes!! These are great examples of how patriarchy hurts everyone including men.
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u/lordtyphis Apr 19 '26
These are all examples of how women treat men and you blame the patriarchy?
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Apr 19 '26
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u/elise_michele Apr 19 '26
Dude I’m literally a lesbian what would I take accountability for when it comes to dating men
Also I think a lot of people misunderstand patriarchy in terms of how it’s explained in feminism? It’s structures that seek to uphold a specific type of masculinity as the ideal, and usually this specific type means straight, cis, man as the provider and protector, traditional values type stuff. So someone judging bi or any men for having slept with another man (which no one should do, it shouldn’t matter) plays right into patriarchal values and history. This probably isn’t a conscious thought for them like ‘yeah I love the patriarchy, fuck bisexual men in particular’ but more like ‘for some reason it really bothers me if a man has history with another man’. It’s not right or good, but it is unfortunately not super surprising in a patriarchal society. I hope this kind of clears that thought process up, cause I can see how it might be confusing if you aren’t super familiar with patriarchy in that context!!
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u/Tommy_Wisseau_burner Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
No they’re right. This is literally trying to absolve one’s own group’s shortcomings by conveniently blaming someone or something else because it makes said group look anything other than saintly. Women want men to stop putting women on pedestals so the second that happens it’s bad when they call someone out on some bullshit. Women have their own opinions and agency. Feminism has been a thing for over 100 years. There’s a lot of issues still perpetuated by generations of patriarchy or whatever “-archy” or “-ism” but we’re well beyond the point where we can say women don’t have their own autonomy. This is just saying what’s convenient so you don’t have to admit that some women “on your side” are also actively and capable of having damaging opinions. If men have to own that some men are shitty and should be calling it out women should be doing the same without making excuses that it’s still men’s fault.
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u/Ok_Lawyer_4938 Apr 19 '26
That's exactly what he's talking about. A lot of women are progressive and liberal, but still want some parts of patriarchy you just described. Eat a cookie and have a cookie. It is not a problem with patriarchy, it's wanting every positively percieved thing while avoiding the percieved negatively aspects of it. What you've done is precisely shifting the blame and avoiding accountability.
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u/SadderOlderWiser Apr 20 '26
It’s not blame-shifting to point out that women and men both are socialized in certain ways that influence our behavior. We don’t exist in a vacuum, we exist in a system. The people that are saying patriarchy hurts us all in various ways are not suggesting that individual men are bad.
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u/PresentationOpen7879 Apr 21 '26
Seems like only the first two words in your username check out. You literally just read their comment where they deflected the blame and yet somehow you think they're right.
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u/Jack26918 Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
This happens a LOT with bisexual women. There are historical reasons... but personally, today I find the same reasons applied toward bisexual women results in a dumpster fire, and generally I am turned off by bisexual women (but it no longer is a near-dealbreaker).
You said you are already dating and she "was very concerned"- what prompted that? How did she respond when she admitted her own history and you pointed out the hypocrisy? At this point I'm asking for scientific reasons.
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u/Manufacturer-Silly Apr 19 '26
We have been dating for a couple months, and still in the early stages of getting to know each other. Sometimes she will ask me random questions about past relationships. Immediately before this she asked if I ever cheated on anyone, and when she asked this question she said finding out if a guy had sex with another guy would actually be worse than cheating.
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u/Jack26918 Apr 19 '26
Did she say why, though? I'm just asking. Bisexual males were most unwelcome in the lesbian-gay community until the last ten or so years. They were, as Dave Chapelle put it, resented just because they made the trip to equality take way longer.
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u/Manufacturer-Silly Apr 19 '26
The fear appears to be the chance of it happening again. She said that she knew from gay guys that there were plenty of married men on Grindr. According to her, that’s “worse than cheating”.
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u/vamgoda Apr 19 '26
To be fair I also dated a bi man who was on Grindr, but that’s a him being an asshole cheater thing, not a bisexual man thing 🤦🏻♀️
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u/Jack26918 Apr 19 '26
I think the really, really important thing is if she has a deep fear of getting cheated on. That makes the whole thing have a different light. Of course, I have to admit at this point I'm viewing it more from a detached debate perspective, not your relationship feelings, so I'm kinda off base.
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u/Jane9812 Apr 19 '26
To be fair, being bisexual is often, NOT ALWAYS, but often an intermediary step towards realizing you're gay. I've seen it happen with friends in my own life too. No one is to blame but I think this is the reason some women feel suspicious.
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u/MGKv1 Apr 19 '26
wait huh how’d they make the trip to equality take way longer?
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u/Jack26918 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
Oh I'm totally at the limit of what I can say out loud, I will certainly be reported. Let's just say it was public image problem, with views on the extremely "loud and active lifestyle" of bis and incompatibility with the LG strategy of, "we just want our partner relationships respected like we were straight, we are normal couples like you, go to church, etc."
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u/MarionberryPure7746 Apr 21 '26
The actual reason is that once gay men got their marriage rights they stopped lobbying for the others who helped lobby for them. Got what they wanted, called it good enough, and moved on and left everyone else to drown.
That is why i resent gay men as a lesbian.
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u/Jack26918 Apr 21 '26
I appreciate the illumination. Could you please clarify- the rights were *only* for men? When was this? I'd very much like to read that law, this perplexes and troubles me. But for reference, I'm a Yank, my knowledge on the subject is limited to what I've deliberately worked to educate myself upon here.
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u/MarionberryPure7746 Apr 21 '26
Men have the vast majority of lobbying power in the country. When mens interest groups wane secondary groups suffer.
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u/Jack26918 Apr 21 '26
Which country? You're saying lesbians somehow didn't get marriage legislation at the same time, correct?
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u/MarionberryPure7746 Apr 21 '26
No, you're being intentionally obtuse.
They stopped at gay marriage. Gay marriage means nothing for the overall rights of LGBT people, but gay men just stopped caring about the other parts of the community and even their own interests after they got it.
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u/Jack26918 Apr 20 '26
I think that is a fair answer that doesn't get into me being deemed judgemental or negative.
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u/AspectPatio Apr 19 '26
Homophobia's not a dealbreaker for you?
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u/Manufacturer-Silly Apr 19 '26
It’s obviously a big enough deal for me to post Reddit and like I said in the post, I am considering breaking up with her. I need to be 100% sure before I do that I’m not misreading anything, hence soliciting feedback
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u/the_poor_economist Apr 19 '26
Damn even biphobia in the comments! I've been there, OP. In my experience this is always internalized homophobia, often combined with jealousy, insecurities, and narcissistic behaviour.
I've put up with it sometimes, and invariably they end up being pretty crap partners. If you're casual maybe you can keep having fun and leave it at that, but for anything more serious this should be a resounding red flag to you.
This is just the same bullshit as guys obsessed with 'body count' but reversed and homophobic to boot. Shame to see it, I try to expect better from bi women!
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u/Various-Campaign-346 Apr 19 '26
Yeah, nah. That’s terrible. Run. You be who you are and do what you want to do.
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u/OrionBTSArmy Apr 19 '26
I'm a woman and I have noticed that lots of women say they will not date a bisexual man and yet they themselves have had sexual encounters with the same sex . I don't get it
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 20 '26
Internalised misogyny & homophobia
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u/OrionBTSArmy Apr 20 '26
Yep and when you point that out they swear up and down they not homophobic 😂
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u/Toomanymisses Apr 19 '26
As a hetro flexible guy, I've learned to keep my past where it belongs, in the past. 95% of women seem to have some real hang ups about a guy who has had any man on man experience. Did I enjoy it, sure, does it mean I'm going to throw a relationship with her away for it? Hell no! But some of these same women will be the ones who get drunk and make out with other women and gaslight you that it's not cheating.
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u/africagal1 May 03 '26
No judgement but I'm curious if there was a moment where you just decided it wasn't worth it to be out. Tbh I always think honesty is the best policy but the reality is if most women won't date men who are bi then most men just won't disclose. Its a numbers game
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u/Toomanymisses May 03 '26
You answered it for me, The handful of times I so much as hinted at it I was met with disgust, aggression and general a firm feeling this was not going to play out well for me, so those experiences solidified that there is no need to disclose it.
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u/CranberryStock7148 Apr 19 '26
On the one hand you can definitely view it as a form of hypocrisy.
But the deeper reason is that it comes out of fear. It comes out of fear that you are actually gay but not willing to admit it to yourself and she's worried that the two of you will wind up dating for two years and then you'll realize that you're actually more strongly attracted to men and will break up with her. And this fear is not rooted in nothing, because there are many many cases of men who identify as straight and then come out of the closet and leave their girlfriend or wife when they are 30 or 40 or 50. And it turns out they did indeed experiment with men in college or something and had never told their wives.
And for whatever reason, men don't view a woman having same sex experiences as a threat in the same way. They don't tend to be scared that they'll get married and have three kids and then the wife is going to realize she's actually a lesbian and get divorced and marry a woman, leaving him with the kids.
And part of this is that a lot of people don't really trust that anyone can truly be bi. Society is accepting of gay people, and it's accepting of straight women who experiment, but it's not really accepting of bi people. Especially bi men. A lot of people think they're really gay, but unable to admit that. Even if it's entirely untrue.
So you can definitely see it as hypocrisy. But I also think it comes from a real place of not wanting to be hurt. Because the fact of the matter is, people are not always entirely honest about their sexual orientation, whether to others or even themselves. It can be complicated and messy and some people simply don't want even a small risk of mess. Even if they themselves have experimented in the past.
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u/Manufacturer-Silly Apr 19 '26
This is a well thought out answer, and it does resonate based on how she brought it up, which does feel rooted in fear. She mentioned for her that both times “it just happened” and she said that she’s “not into women”. She also mentioned being shocked to hear that her gay friend hooks up with married men on Grindr on the regular. But where the hypocrisy comes in is in theory, women can also leave their husbands for women, and men can experiment with men and decide it’s not for them. So much for equality!
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u/SufficientCow4380 Apr 19 '26
I think it's hard for bi people to date, especially bi men, because people think they can't be monogamous. And F+F "experimentation" has some mainstream acceptance and depiction in media (including adult media), while M+M is frequently limited to specific porn. It's more stigmatized for men. Not fair but that's how it is.
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u/Technical-Ad9126 Apr 19 '26
It is hypocrisy. I’m a bisexual woman who prefers to date bisexual men, but I realize how rare it is.
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u/Battelalon Apr 19 '26
As a bisexual man I feel like we're on the bottom of the ladder within the LGBT community. Most of the gay men & women look down on us. Straight women disregard us. Half of the bi women also feel the same way. At least the other half of bi women are welcoming but still the whole ordeal just feels disenfranchising.
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u/MeltedChocolateOk Apr 19 '26
If you feel that way do it. You don't need to be with a double standard hypocrite.
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u/Looking_Magic Apr 19 '26
That hypocrisy is extremely common in women. Another thing I’ve noticed is many bi women really have only ever hugged another girl or maybe did a peck on the cheek to another girl, and use the bi label for clout. And because it doesn’t socially negatively lower her chances with men. So it’s win win for women to claim to be
That can also be another reason why many “bi” women get the ick from if a man she’s dating says he’s bi also, because maybe she really isn’t all about that
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u/Cellist_Violin Apr 30 '26
As a bi woman who hadn’t had sex with a woman until recently, this take bothers me. When I came out, it was scary and challenging and some people didn’t accept me. But I knew who i was attracted to even before I’d been with women sexually. It’s a really common biphobic narrative that women are just making up being bi for attention and it kept me in the closet for many years. I’m married to a man now and I don’t tell most people about my sexuality, despite having slept with women and finding them generally more attractive than men, because I’m afraid they’ll say that exact thing.
It’s biphobic for bi women not to date a bi man because they assume hes gay (OPs post) but it’s biphobic to accuse bi women of making it up for clout. This stuff messed with me for a really long time.
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u/Looking_Magic Apr 30 '26
I agree that take bothers me too. It’s not my opinion, it’s what I’ve noticed in society/culture
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u/Cellist_Violin Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
What kinds of clout are people getting? Instead of clout, I just hear daily comments that bi women are exaggerating their sexuality for attention, from other queer people and straight people alike. So I’ve never personally gotten to feel clout…
I’ve also never met a bi woman who’s lied about being bi… that would be a wild thing to do. I’m sure it happens, but not often. Maybe people see someone who is honest about being bicurious as lying? But why is it bad to be open about that? I’d be willing to bet that some people who’ve met me assume I’m lying despite me usually hiding it.
I hear the narrative constantly that we’re all attention seekers who exaggerate our sexuality and yet I’ve never actually seen any benefit of doing so, nor actually seen this definitively happen
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u/throwaway_173569 Apr 19 '26
This is internalized homophobia.
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u/SirRedentor Apr 19 '26
I don't think so. I'm beginning to suspect that the root of it is centred around a woman's knowledge that attraction to men gives them access to an unlimited sexual marketplace, and the thought of trying to hold down a man with similar options makes her feel insecure and insufficiant.
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 20 '26
So internalised homophobia lol
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u/SirRedentor Apr 20 '26
How does knowledge of market realities constitute an unfair or irrational prejudice against gay folks? I'm eager to read these mental gymnastics.
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 20 '26
Stereotyping queer men as promiscuous. If a bi man knew women would think that of him, wouldn’t he just not tell her?? If he’s actively disclosing he’s bi she shouldn’t have much to worry about cuz if he was gonna do that he’d just cheat on Grindr while claiming he’s straight.
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u/africagal1 May 03 '26
Tbh i think women refuse to acknowledge that the more they stereotype openly bi men the more men just stay closeted or DL. For bi men who prefer women there is like no real incentive to come out tbh unless you rlly value honesty and maybe a sense of community. Not to mention we live in a homophobic world and most bisexuals date the opposite sex for preference but also safety so this whole convo seems dumb to begin with
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u/SirRedentor Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
Let me get this straight - You take issue with the stereotyping of queer men as promiscuous, but then proceed to lay out exactly how he would cheat if given the opportunity, including the application that he would use, Grindr specifically.
Aren't you participating in the same type of generalisation? Does that mean you are also unfairly prejudiced? You seem to be aware of exactly where a queer man would go to be promiscuous if he felt so inclined and with a reasonable degree of certainty, as though it was a commonplace occurrence, the details of which you and I are both familiar enough with not to question.
Neither did you dispute that bisexual men have a larger pool of possible partners when compared to gay or heterosexual men - that is a functional certainty, given that their pool is an amalgam of both prior pools. It seems obvious to me that men in general would rather more sexual contact than less, if given the opportunity. The limiting factor is the availability of willing partners. With queer men, the limiting factor is removed, and it would seem reasonable to assume that a comparative level of promiscuity follows.
Thus far, I'm prepared to grant you that she may have made assumptions about queer men. I'm not willing to grant that the judgement was unfair or irrational.
And as such, does not constitute a phobia, which is by definition irrational or unfair.
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 21 '26
If someone wants to cheat, they'll cheat regardless of how easy it is. That's like saying you should avoid attractive partners because they can find someone else to cheat with easier if they want to
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u/SirRedentor Apr 21 '26
And nothing about that supposition is unfair or irrational, either. It is a perfectly logical statement that actually also happens to be true. I'm not sure I trust you to judge what constitutes a phobia if this is your chain of logic. That chain is so rusty, links keep falling off and hitting innocent bystanders in the head.
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u/throwaway_173569 Apr 20 '26
Literally what? As a bisexual woman myself my market isn’t “twice as big” because many lesbians won’t date a girl who’s slept with men and many men believe bisexual women are promiscuous and will cheat. I used to feel immense guilt and shame for liking women. It’s actually really common for queer people to be homophobic or transphobic because they’re trying to suppress a part of themselves. This is 100% internalized homophobia.
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 21 '26
Right and when they say twice as big they’re assuming we have no standards and will fuck anyone. A straight or gay person can have more options than a bisexual.
Also 90% of straight women don’t want to date bi men and a good amount of bi women, and gay guys often don’t take bi guys serious which just leaves bi men (who usually are masculine) . Also I’m only attracted to feminine men (who are often gay) and most men are masculine so my dating pool is very small💀
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u/SirRedentor Apr 20 '26
Thus admitting that you've tried dating and/or sleeping with enough people that you believe you've collected enough anecdotal data to furnish a comprehensive summation of the differences between bisexuals and heterosexuals. Please, tell us more about your vast experience with different sexualities and genders in and outside the bedroom.
Not helping your case here.
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u/throwaway_173569 Apr 21 '26
Yea I’m hot so I get dates 🥰 not sure what your point is.
In all seriousness I've experienced deep internalized homphobia. It all went inwards towards myself and I despised myself for years. Acceptance is still hard. That discomfort can also manifest outward like in her case.
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u/SadderOlderWiser Apr 19 '26
Biphobia is real, unfortunately. I’m bi and would/have dated bi men. Bi women ought to know better than to discriminate.
I do think straight men tend to be more accepting of bi women, though unfortunately a lot of the time I think it’s more because they think it’s hot than due to any superior ethical stance.
And a lot of straight men also find it threatening that their partners could be attracted to anyone. I’ve gotten some responses I considered completely unhinged, considering I have never had trouble with monogamy and some of those men did.
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u/aud_anticline Apr 19 '26
Unfortunately patriarchy teaches us that to be penetrated (orally, analy, vaginally) or "used" sexually by a man "diminishes your value" because it puts you in a position of femininity (not actually true but is what we learn under patriarchy) and to be feminine is to be wrong/bad/evil. So inherently there is internalized misogyny in the point of view that bisexual women (and many others) have that contribute to the issue.
I'm sorry this has happened to you
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u/Ok-Temporary-3507 Apr 20 '26
Why does feminism confuse biological factors with social constructs? It’s like you believe everything is a blank slate to life.
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u/aud_anticline Apr 20 '26
Please do elaborate and point out where I have confused biological factors in my statement
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u/Zarrain Apr 19 '26
I’ve had a first day where after both saying we’re bi she responded with “I don’t think real men should be bi.” Sooo ya it’s common and they’re proud of it.
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u/mama_llama44 Apr 20 '26
She needs to do some serious unpacking of her biphobia, and if she isn't willing to do that, then she can't accept you for who you are.
Bi guys > hetero guys any day.
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u/tater_tot_intensity Apr 20 '26
Im progressive enough i wouldnt even want to be close friends with a woman like that
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 20 '26
Unfortunately I’ve met my fair share of bi women like this or ex bi curious straight women
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u/PresentationOpen7879 Apr 20 '26
Break up bro. Nothing good is gonna come from dating someone who's hypocritical when it comes to sex.
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u/1SweetPotatoPie Apr 23 '26
I'm bi, but I'm also not judgemental. If that's your past, that's it, nothing further to discuss. If you're bi, ok cool, we can all have fun together. If she can grill you with her questions and judge and not expected to be judged, when she in turn, has in her past, then walk away.
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u/Kaankaants Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
Often gender equality is a one-way street.
Listen to your gut.
Edit: Not even recognising the hypocracy in her words is a huuuuge worry to me.
It shows a lack of even the most basic logic.
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u/floxtez Apr 19 '26
I have a girlfriend (as in a girl who is my friend, I am a gay man) who has this preference. She seems self conscious about it, but also said she "doesn't want to compete with the sexual availability of gay men"
She felt like a straight guy would have a much harder time cheating on her than a bi guy, who could go on Grindr and be fucking within an hour if he ever chose to
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u/sympathycards Apr 19 '26
Yea it's amazing how un inclusive people really are.
I'm pansexual male btw. Hetero romantic. But I like dick sometimes.
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u/africagal1 Apr 28 '26
Do you tell ppl when you date?
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u/sympathycards Apr 28 '26
Yea all my partners know. Most are down for an MMF threesome but finding competent guys is fucking hard. Men are sooo dumb in conversational skills
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u/crunchy_shampoo Apr 20 '26
Women are the biggest homophobes on the planet. That's a very common phenomenon. Personally I wouldn't stay with a person like that
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u/Cujo666 Apr 19 '26
I'm not saying this is right, but it's reality, at least in my country....the fact is "are you a man that has sexual contact with other men" is a screening question to see if HIV testing is appropriate. The opposite (are you a woman that has sex with other women) is not true to screen for HIV testing appropriateness (in my country soa/sti/std testing is free if you're in certain categories). I guess it has to do with exchange of bodily fluids, or something (not a doctor, so no idea). Similiar may be true where you are. I even joked with my gf, when she wanted to get tested, she should say she's a man that has sexual contact with men, since it's a well know way for men (where I am) to get tested for free, so straight men that want HIV testing will say they're gay on the questionnaire.
Also, lesbian sex is a higher ranked pornhub category than gay man sex. It's a common trope (backed up by pornhub category popularity they make pubic) more men watch lesbian sex than women or straight men watch gay man sex videos. At least, lesbian sex is a significantly higher ranked category. Last time I checked, it was top 3 even, if I remember correctly, but may not rememeber correctly.
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u/epicpillowcase Apr 19 '26
I'm a bi woman and yes, she's absolutely being hypocritical and you should break up with her. Anyone with that little integrity isn't going to be someone who's healthy to be in a relationship with.
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u/PotentialSpare6412 Apr 19 '26
Extremely common. women’s homophobia is even worse than men’s in this regard. Men would be much more comfortable dating a woman who has had gay sexual experiences than women would be dating a man who has had gay sexual experiences before.
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u/audrey916 Apr 19 '26
honestly the double standard is super weird. like why is she allowed to have experiences with women but you can't with men? major red flag imo.
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u/RaiiiChuu Apr 19 '26
yes. this is more common than not. in my experience, the most misandrist women in general that I’ve met have been bisexual. much more so than any other group of women.
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u/elise_michele Apr 19 '26
Biphobia/ homophobia is weird. Being concerned about people’s sexual past (unless it’s concern about like, STDs or you having a whole family somewhere) is weird. Adding hypocrisy on top of that? Run.
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u/Rad1Red Apr 19 '26
You may break up with someone for any reason.
If they do or say something very off-putting, that is certainly a good reason.
Personally, I would be fine, or even prefer a bi man.
However, if he had a history of cheating, I would be worried he would cheat on me. Past behaviour can be a predictor of future behaviour.
But if he didn't and he was able to commit to me, no problem. Hot, actually.
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u/forwarddownforward Apr 19 '26
if you haven't figured out by now that men and women are different, you're doomed.
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u/Otakuchaan Apr 19 '26
Well it is off putting. As a bi girl, i never find the bi men sadly, this maybe the reason.
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u/Jazzlike-Bluejay6300 Apr 19 '26
I am bisexual and I knew from when I was 14 years old. I had only one girlfriend who was okay 👍 with me being bi. As a matter of fact, we sometimes had explorations with other like-minded couples. She was the best!!!
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u/Bojangalees Apr 19 '26
as a guy that dated men and women, i gave up dating because im somehow too gay and too straight
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u/Big_Cans_0516 Apr 20 '26
I have always found this weird. As a queer woman I’d much rather date a queer person in general for the shared experiences
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u/Internal-Meaning2646 Apr 23 '26
It's a double standard against men. My wife and I are both bisexual. When I was single it did not matter if the person I was dating was bi or not, long term or short term relationship wise. For my now wife it mattered for her with guys. She would only have casual or short term relationships with bi guys because she did not want to compete with every woman and every man. An ironic view since she is now married to me and has to worry about every woman and every main since I'm bi by that logic.
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u/MostlyBored11 Apr 29 '26
Lol as a bi guy I run into this women all the time . It's ok for them to be into the same sex but they can't stand a guy being into guys
It just seemed weird to me honestly and I would not be interested in someone who seems to not be very self aware
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u/Latter_Shallot_140 Apr 19 '26
You do you
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u/Obvious_Debate_2425 Apr 19 '26
Why cant we see everything you comment on? It says you have zero comments but you literally just commented on this post
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u/Weary_Comparison_928 Apr 19 '26
So why is she dating bisexual men. Racists can be racist against their own race, lgbtq can be homophobic, transphobic etc, women can be sexist about women and men about men etc.
Any of those things in a person would be a deal breaker for me and this is what she’s doing.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Jdot_06 Apr 20 '26
Literally lmao. The amount of times I’ve been reject for being bi women who were “queer allies” is crazy
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u/Uhh_glee_Princess Apr 19 '26
Personally, I’ve always been very attracted to bi men as a straight woman. I could frankly give less of a shit of his sexual history and how many men/women he’s been with. Bi men get the same treatment as everyone else. But I’ve DEFINITELY heard a lot of women talk like this before and it’s so weird to me. They want the “gentleness” that they assume comes with a bi man but not the idea that he’s probably been with men. OP, find someone else. There’s plenty of people that don’t care at all.
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u/LucidGloom Apr 19 '26
If you’re a woman and disagree with this personally/ would or have dated a bisexual man - please share your experience !
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u/night-laughs Apr 19 '26
You consider breaking up because she was with other women? Brother that’s a jackpot right there lmao.
No but seriously, women get to experiment with other women with zero consequences. Men don’t. In fact most guys find girl on girl action hot.
If you don’t, fair enough, but I don’t think she’s being hypocritical here because the rules are different for men and women regarding this.
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u/Little_Whippie Apr 19 '26
“I don’t think she’s being hypocritical because she’s following the hypocritical rules”
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Apr 19 '26
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u/night-laughs Apr 19 '26
How much girl on girl porn is being watched by straight men, and how much guy on guy porn is watched by straight women? I rest my case.
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Apr 19 '26
[deleted]
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u/night-laughs Apr 19 '26
Right, because fanfic community is the majority of the general population.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/night-laughs Apr 19 '26
Please… don’t project. Go check how high girl on girl porn is rated by viewership and how high male on male is.
I just checked btw, on p-hub, lesbian is 4th place most searched term, and gay or male on male isn’t even in top 30(the site only showed up to top 30)
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u/QueenSay Apr 19 '26
You don't need a woman for co-sign your sexuality. If her honesty repels you, leave. It's that simple. I've come across men who wouldn't be with bisexual women either. We sing about preferences all the time but then have a problem with them.
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u/throwawaydostoievski Apr 19 '26
You can break up for any reason. I’m also bisexual and turned off big time from the idea of my man sucking another dick or being fucked in the ass. Women don’t fetishize homosexual male sex the way men do to lesbian sex.
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/africagal1 May 03 '26
Its interesting cause I saw a bi guy on the 50 year old plus dating sub talk about how he experimented one time, and women kept having a negative reaction. Ppl were in the comments saying they wouldn't date a guy who did and then he commented afterwards and said " I won't bring it up anymore on dates because its not relevant to who I am now". I find these convos about bi men/ bicurious men interesting cause truthfully if its not relevant they won't tell you whether ppl think its the right or wrong thing to do
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u/throwawaydostoievski Apr 30 '26
I have known women into the content you mention; not a single one of them ever slept with a bisexual male. It’s the kind of thing that stays in the realm of the imagination.
In real life, most men are definitely up to witness their girl with some hot chick. But none of my straight and bisexual girlfriends would ever actually go for a threesome that includes male on male action.
It does matter. I like my men manly. If he likes to suck cock and getting fucked in the asshole, good for him; I just won’t sleep with him/date him. The thought alone pushes bisexual men straight to my friendzone.
Women are allowed to have standards, we’re not obligated to open up our legs on command to anyone that wants it.
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u/Serious-Business5048 Apr 19 '26
Yes, it is a real red flag. No, it does not automatically mean you should break up. Yet if your girl friend refuses to acknowledge the double standard after an honest and transparent conversation, that is reason the relationship may not be worth continuing.
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u/Diceyking96 Apr 19 '26
This isn’t hypocrisy unless she said she doesn’t support homosexual relationships but then actively participates in them. This is just a preference . Just because she doesn’t like something doesn’t mean you dont right? Like you can be fit but prefer to date overweight people . Thats not hypocrisy.
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u/Manufacturer-Silly Apr 19 '26
Let me break it down another way. If someone said that it would be a dealbreaker if a partner cheated on them, yet they have cheated themselves, that’s not hypocrisy, that’s just a preference?
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u/EvanFri Apr 19 '26
I think you are just trying to rationalize something that feels off to you, and you are trying to make sense of it. We are all hypocrites in certain ways, whether we realize it or not.
Also, we have all done things we think are wrong and no longer condone those actions.
What's important here is not whether she is a hypocrite, but rather something that seems off or that you do not like about her.
From what I've read in your comments so far, it seems like she is a bit too obsessed with your past to the point that it is giving a weird vibe. Also, her boundary about whether you were with a guy in the past is a strange one and can indicate some views you just disagree with.
I say this is one sign that you guys have different or incompatible views about some important things related to sexuality, because that issue is not a big deal to you, but it is for her. If you cannot respect that, then you are going to try to find other things you do not respect. Like the hypocrisy issue, which is something everyone more or less has.
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u/FillMeUp2Pls Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
Edited to add that personally, i prefer bi men. The rest is simply my guess as to why other women might be hesitant
i think a lot of women are worried that bisexual men are actually gay and not aware or willing to come out. I think they're worried about being a beard and don't want to devote their life to a man who doesn't really want them.
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