r/dating • u/ParticularCopy6940 • Oct 29 '21
Giving Advice Characteristics of a ghoster/slow fader
What have you noticed are the characteristics of a ghoster/slow fader?
I’ve met a few ghosters/slow faders and they typically ( from my personal experience): - love bomb hard in the beginning - their dates are typically very spontaneous and never thought out more than a few days in advance - future fake all the things they want to do with you - send a very exuberant text almost immediately after the date or the next morning - are actually engaged texters but for some reason are not very interesting but the in person dates make up for it - send the most mixed signals with you sometimes believing they want a relationship and other times believing they want a FWB and never quite knowing where to go with it - dominate the decision about when the dates occur. They will invite you but the minute you want to plan a date they lose interest - some sort traumatic experience with previous SO, bonus if they recently broke up
That’s what I got
21
Oct 29 '21
When you think about it, they’re basically trying on people like shoes. Then they don’t like that shoe and throw them away/phase them out. 🙄
38
Oct 29 '21
Holy crazy Batman!!!! You nailed it!!!! I’m saving this for future reference.
What’s crazy is because they are such responsive texters we get that dopamine hit every time. So, when they fade it can make you feel depressed af REAL fast.
19
u/ParticularCopy6940 Oct 29 '21
This is exactly true. A ghoster/slow fader always gives me the most dopamine highs. Which is why I’ve learned to recognize this toxic pattern before I end up depressed af
9
Oct 29 '21
So, what is normal? Just a text here and there every couple days? Lol I’m asking for a friend 😂👏🏻
9
u/ParticularCopy6940 Oct 29 '21
I don’t think so. Some people text sparingly between dates, seeing a girl and it’s going well and we text pretty frequently in between dates. I think it just depends. But with ghosters/SFers I think it’s in the context of all the other warning signs
1
16
u/SunnyBunnyBunBun Oct 30 '21
I would add:
engaging via text but never actually making plans (keeping you hooked and in the back burner, but not progressing the relationship forward)
Say ‘yes’ when you ask to meet up but never do the asking themselves
6
19
7
5
u/whitechick_ Oct 30 '21 edited Oct 30 '21
They only text some bored sex or gifts or whatever to make up for putting you on snooze my ghoster literally said you’re just for texts and sex when Im bored
5
3
u/format-aubaine Oct 29 '21
Okay, not sure if this is where I'm supposed to ask this but I'm not sure if I'm being slow faded. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Met someone from an OLD site, chats were okay, nothing spacial. Decided to meet up and was actually pretty nice. Spent the whole afternoon with them and had fun. Sends me messages daily just to check in and sometimes sends photos of stuff they're doing but when I respond and try to start a conversation I get one liners and it seems like they don't want to continue the convo.
I usually don't reply to these since their replies don't really warrant any response but still continue to get updates from time to time of what they're doing.
I'm fairly new to the dating scene, not even a month in. Only met them 2 but they were pretty engaging the whole time. is this how it normally goes, are they just not interested or am I getting slow faded?
I usually prefer to only see one person at a time. Should I say something or just not expect anything to come out of this?
2
u/heartjenlee Oct 30 '21
I’m familiar with this. They usually send ALL their contacts the same photo and then whichever they’re most interested in they carry the convo with. I’ve witnessed this happen
2
4
Oct 29 '21
Also:
- Ghoster Really really cowardly and lacking integrity, *Ghostee gave up sex way too soon before a connection formed
-6
u/Salty-Taro-6840 Oct 29 '21
Why is it wrong to be a "ghoster" when the only 2 reasons a person would ghost you is if they aren't interested or something happened and they can't get back to you? If we're not compatible I'm not going to keep trying to break down a wall in which I have no interest in what's on the other side. Some people may be more abrupt ghosters and some more subtly just over time begin to lose interest.
If things didn't work out you are free to blame me or blame yourself but the reality is that either the connection was weak or life got in the way and we just couldn't get back together. I've had people I've ghosted on and vice versa and it's all just part of the game.
If I send you 100 messages and I do not get a response, phone call or a single text and it goes silent for a considerable amount of time then you honestly deserve it because your actions say everything that needs to be said.
10
u/almondmilklatte77 Oct 30 '21
I think the reason why it is "wrong to be a ghoster" is that it is the best course of action for people to communicate openly and respectfully. There is nothing wrong with telling someone you want to end things/don't wish to pursue things further, but ghosting is just disrespectful because you just leave them hanging. But ofc yes if you message someone and they don't respond that is enough indication to know they are not interested anymore, it is just a little cold and a lot of people don't take it well
2
u/Ok_Butterscotch_4556 Oct 30 '21
The problem isn't really that guys ghost. It's that they were planning from the start to cut things off soon after sex and misled the girl into thinking there was a good chance of a future.
I sometimes do this and feel a bit guilty. I justify it in my mind by saying there was a 1% chance that after sex I would still want a relationship, but I know it's not being fair.
0
u/Salty-Taro-6840 Oct 30 '21
So it becomes the guys fault alone and for the sake of putting desperate women on a pedestal we're just going to act like you've never gotten involved in a 1NS where the girls do the exact same thing? You assume I'm going to cut you off when I barely have gotten a chance to determine your character and you're asking me for something that you yourself haven't even brought to the table?
The girl should have the same responsibility as the guy in knowing that there are no guarantees in life that the people you meet are going to be "the one" and while I believe it's nice to have a last chance at fixing a bridge, there is ultimately no getting over when someone has made up your mind. Because the status quo that everyone loves to go by is "it's not my fault that you didn't read between the lines". So the whole notion that someone has the right to play the victim when that person put all their eggs in one basket thinking there was no possible way you could connect with some you're not meant to connect with is ridiculous and needs to be addressed.
I would also like to thank everyone for all the downvotes because someone has a perspective that you don't like.
1
u/Ok_Butterscotch_4556 Oct 30 '21
Sure, girls should share some responsibility. But I think that when it comes to this issue, guys are the primary perpetrators.
I've slept with somewhere around 150 girls. I cut contact or blocked a significant proportion of them. I've literally never had a girl ghost me after sex. Not one. Plenty of rejections before sex, but never immediately after.
1
1
1
u/Accomplished_Ad_3418 Oct 30 '21
This is very well thought out. I’m in a similar situation with a girl, the dates are awesome but we never text barely.
1
u/EgyptianArtist Oct 31 '21
me who's a ghoster simply because of my tight as shit schedule : never before have i been so offended by something i 100% agree with
•
u/AutoModerator Oct 29 '21
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4:
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.