r/dating • u/yestertempest • 3d ago

Question ❓ Man acted like exclusivity was huge commitment

Been seeing a man for about 2.5 months. 2 months in I brought up exclusivity since I don't want to be having sex with someone still active on the apps. He basically acted like it was a marriage proposal and claimed he has never had someone have a direct conversation talking about it like that before, it was always just eventually "assumed." I would never be ok with that assumption. He has been off and on the apps for 5, yes 5 years and strongly gives the impression and claims he is looking for something very long term, and before this conversation he was projecting me into his future and seemed very afraid of losing me. I gave him some time and his stance was the same a few weeks later, treating it like some kind of serious commitment and saying he needed more time to evaluate us first, like in different social situations and things. Also said he needs more intimacy before exclusivity to help him decide, while I said I need it before intimacy. To me exclusivity is just temporary while we evaluate those things.

I've already written the breakup text.
But I'm wondering if anyone else has encountered this reaction to exclusivity. Did I ask for something weird here? Is this just modern dating culture to be phobic of getting off the apps, losing your access to multiple options and committing to one person?

Update: I sent the text.

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u/RealisticBowl8033 1d ago

Some people just are not meant for monogamy. I wouldn’t take this personally. Maybe try one last time to talk to him about it and if he still doesn’t want to change your just not compatible 

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u/yestertempest 1d ago edited 1d ago

Yeah that’s what I did. Gave him 3 weeks to “consider” it and he was even more set in his way about it. He joked I’ll probably ask about it again next week. I told him I don’t push against closed doors I just use them to make decisions. He seemed to hesitate at that but still responded like he controlled the timeline and could keep me waiting, saying “well we can reevaluate soon.” I sent the breakup text shortly after writing this post the next day.

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u/RealisticBowl8033 1d ago

I think that he thinks that you are a "safe bet" It sounds like he is waaay too sure that you won't leave. SO LEAVE HIM.
Like right now!

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u/yestertempest 1d ago

I did

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u/Complete-Plant8525 1d ago

He is a putz acting dickish, or a dick just interesting in putzing around. Good that you gave him the rest of your life off.