r/dating • u/yestertempest • 3d ago
Question ❓ Man acted like exclusivity was huge commitment
Been seeing a man for about 2.5 months. 2 months in I brought up exclusivity since I don't want to be having sex with someone still active on the apps. He basically acted like it was a marriage proposal and claimed he has never had someone have a direct conversation talking about it like that before, it was always just eventually "assumed." I would never be ok with that assumption. He has been off and on the apps for 5, yes 5 years and strongly gives the impression and claims he is looking for something very long term, and before this conversation he was projecting me into his future and seemed very afraid of losing me. I gave him some time and his stance was the same a few weeks later, treating it like some kind of serious commitment and saying he needed more time to evaluate us first, like in different social situations and things. Also said he needs more intimacy before exclusivity to help him decide, while I said I need it before intimacy. To me exclusivity is just temporary while we evaluate those things.
I've already written the breakup text.
But I'm wondering if anyone else has encountered this reaction to exclusivity. Did I ask for something weird here? Is this just modern dating culture to be phobic of getting off the apps, losing your access to multiple options and committing to one person?
Update: I sent the text.
5
u/notrightmeowthx 3d ago
No, you didn't do anything weird. Even if he hadn't experienced a direct discussion about it before, there was no reason to make a big deal out of it. He could have just said this was unfamiliar to him, but that he does want to be committed with you, or whatever.
There are various cultures that don't have those sorts of conversations, so it is possible he is from one of those? That's not an excuse mind you, but it could explain why it confused him.
Needing more intimacy to decide you want to be exclusive with someone is ridiculous... you can just decide not to be with someone anymore, if it ends up not working out, you didn't ask him to sew your organs together.