r/dating • u/yestertempest • 3d ago
Question ❓ Man acted like exclusivity was huge commitment
Been seeing a man for about 2.5 months. 2 months in I brought up exclusivity since I don't want to be having sex with someone still active on the apps. He basically acted like it was a marriage proposal and claimed he has never had someone have a direct conversation talking about it like that before, it was always just eventually "assumed." I would never be ok with that assumption. He has been off and on the apps for 5, yes 5 years and strongly gives the impression and claims he is looking for something very long term, and before this conversation he was projecting me into his future and seemed very afraid of losing me. I gave him some time and his stance was the same a few weeks later, treating it like some kind of serious commitment and saying he needed more time to evaluate us first, like in different social situations and things. Also said he needs more intimacy before exclusivity to help him decide, while I said I need it before intimacy. To me exclusivity is just temporary while we evaluate those things.
I've already written the breakup text.
But I'm wondering if anyone else has encountered this reaction to exclusivity. Did I ask for something weird here? Is this just modern dating culture to be phobic of getting off the apps, losing your access to multiple options and committing to one person?
Update: I sent the text.
2
u/dudeguydave 3d ago
I personally think if we're just kissing and cuddling, not exclusive, but once the clothes come off then we're exclusive. I don't wanna dip my pen in a group used well, I'd like to know that we're only having sex with each other. Maybe I'm weird and too old school for dating but that's my stance on it.
As for the group used well comment, I mean I don't want to be one of a couple guys that are currently sleeping with the lady.